An Unsent "Parting Thoughts" Email from David
We enjoyed reading back through all of the drama and intense feelings, that were woven through the written words of our freshly budding romance. I am so glad we have a record of that time in writing, so that we do not forget all of the gushy and confusing feelings that began this crazy journey of remarriage.
The beginning of our dating together -- as a widow, and a divorcee -- was a little rocky; mostly because I was so nervous to really let some new guy into my wonky-widow-world. I was so scared and hesitant to actually give David a real chance, so it took me awhile to relax and let him work his way into my broken heart. I turned him down a few times, before taking down my rigid walls enough to see him more clearly, and give him a fair chance.
One thing I did know, at the very beginning of our communication, was that we had a real connection when we very first talked on the phone. There was something different about him, for me. I had talked to other men on the phone, while trying to date, but it was always a little weird. Talking to David on the phone was as easy as eating ice cream; his voice was nice and creamy, and was soothing to my hungry heart.
We connected on the phone in a way that was shocking to me, and it even scared me a little that I could connect with someone so easily, especially someone who was living in my same area, that I had easy access to. All the other guys I had communicated with had been in another state, so having David so accessible to date, made it a little too real. We talked on the phone for hours and hours, with ease and excitement.
Despite our original strong phone connection, I just did not feel ready at the time to give David a real chance to meet and date me. I would go back-and-forth in my desire to date him. I would accept a date with him, and then abruptly turn him down before we ever met. I had hoped to meet and connect with a widower, rather than a divorcee, so he was not fitting the ideal that I had in mind for someone to date and marry. But, I was finding my ideal standard was ridiculous, and so I had to let it go for a more realistic chance at a real relationship. David was not who I was expecting to connect with, and yet, we did. It became more and more clear that God had his hand in all of it.
Somehow, David remained patient with me while I worked through my strange and confusing feelings, and his patience is really why we ended up together. I find myself continuously grateful for his patience with me. Being in a relationship with a widow like me, is no easy feat, for many reasons. We have both learned so much from each other, and we continue to grow together in love.
Love is a funny thing. I am so grateful for the love that David has brought into my life. I am grateful he was patient, and continues to be patient as we forge our way through this unexpected journey of life together.
Here is the email that David never sent me, the subject was labeled: "Parting Thoughts." (I have his permission to share it.)
We did not part ways after all; we became partners!
Sept. 17, 2018
Dearest Mari,
Now that I have some time to really read your response and to process my own feelings, I really just want to say, THANK YOU! I could not have asked for a better first crush! You were so great to talk with, I feel safe with you, I was able to be completely authentic, and I felt like you were genuine and kind as well. And then you were so sweet in how you broke things off with me. I especially appreciate how you expressed how it was a struggle and disappointing for you to come to this conclusion.
I hope that you will continue to protect your squishy heart, and continue to respond quickly to your intuition and the quiet whispering of the Holy Ghost. I also hope that you will really enjoy this next year with Sammi. I can only imagine how close the two of you have grown, and with this being her senior year, enjoy every moment of it, so when it is time for her to move on, you will be ready let her go.
Mari, I will move on, and I will try to bring happiness into the lives of the women who I get to know and date, and eventually, I'll find that special one. But I will keep a place for you in my heart, which will change as life continues, and I don't feel this hard to do at all. I imagine that even into the eternities, maybe in a hundred thousand years, if not much earlier, I'll seek you out to thank you, honor you, and to learn more about the struggles and choices that shaped you.
But if in the meantime, maybe in a year or two or three or four or five..., if my name comes back into your heart and mind, I hope you will look me up and reach out to me. I will want to know how you are doing. And if perhaps we are both still single, maybe then our lives will have calmed down, and we can put in the time and effort needed to create the union of our dreams.
If you do decide that you want to come to some singles activities, let me know, and I would be happy to look out for you, and if you need help, I can scare away any creepy guys that will not take a hint. Now don't be surprised if in such circumstance I will show great interest in you, (how could I not?) but I will also stand back, and allow you to meet and express interest in anyone you want.
Now in parting, I want you to know that I admire the woman that you are. Your kindness speaks volumes about who you are. And I hope that joy will continue to be yours.
I want to share two things with you that have meant a lot to me:
One is President Nelson's talk on Joy and Spiritual Survival. One quote I enjoy is: “Saints can be happy under every circumstance. We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year! [Mari], the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”
And the last thing I will share is a song. I have this song on a short playlist of peaceful songs that I play for my children, and for my own comfort. This is a live recording at the face to face event from last spring with President Eyring and Elder Holland, called Thy Will be Done: http://media2.ldscdn.org/
Sincerely,
David Youngberg
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