All My Babies At Home

It felt like a miracle to have all of my children home.  With the hustle and bustle of life as the children grow older, I know that these moments will become more and more precious, especially when it is just us, together, without significant others. The family dynamic of just us meant that the days we had together were full of laughter, inside jokes, music, movies, and loads of SUGAR! It was so revitalizing to my soul to be able to reconnect in such a way. I need my children -- not in some weird creepy-over-possessive way. No, it is just that being around them, fills me with joy that I cannot feel any other way. 

Because I love them with all of my guts!! 

David was visiting his children in Idaho, and so it was just me and the children at home, and it was WONDERFUL. I recently read a post written by a widow where it was implied that trying to do things separately with the different sets of kids is not healthy for the family. I whole-heartedly disagree. Doing things separately with our children felt like the most amazing solution to a problem we have been having. It was like what we once had as a family was restored. It felt like that familiar free-spirited family fun that we were so used to having together, for so many years, with just me and the kids. I have come to discover that we are going to need that from time to time. It was so nice to focus totally on the kids! 

We had some fun and crazy moments. I also sent the kids to go see Wicked the musical, and they loved it. It led to some super funny conversations afterwards, as Daniel and William were recasting the show with silly characters and then singing the music in crazy voices, as Sammi and I were crying from laughing. It was epically silly, in a you-had-to-be-there kind of way. I am sure it was more funny to us than it would have been to anyone else in the world. I was dying, I was laughing so hard. I had to get up and go to the bathroom, or else. 

Here we are having that epic post-Wicked conversation. 

We all got an abs workout from laughing so hard. 

Baby Johnathan is a new addition to our crew, but he was able to "go with the flow" of things, for the most part, as he was tossed around between so many people. 

Lots of "flying" for the baby.

This kid is pretty cute. :) And like his brothers before him, he is wearing 2-T sized clothes, even though he is just 1. 

Johnathan caught onto the music that flowed into the house, when Daniel and Sammi came. 

Daniel surprised Henry. He didn't know he was coming. It was so cute to see him realize it was Dan standing there after school to greet him. Daniel loves trying to surprise his brothers. Dan got here first, and then Sammi the next day. 

Daniel and Will were wearing unplanned matching shirts. 

This baby LOVES Encanto. I mean LOVES it. He watches it multiple times a day! He asks for, "No, no!" I know that means, "We don't talk about Bruno..." 

BOYS! No wonder my body is tired. They all came from me! 

Daniel claiming his throne. 

They pulled out instruments. 

And they played Pirate Chess. (Don't ask.) I don't know. 

And then Sammi came!!! She has been gone from home for a whole year! The first thing she did was hug her piano. 

And she hugged her brothers, too. 

It was so good to have all my children together! It was AMAZING! 

I was trying to get them to hold Sammi up for a picture... this is as good as it got. 

I think she missed her baby. 

And her baby brother too... ;) 

We made up a little room for her to sleep in. It is one of the coolest rooms in the house. It feels like "home" like the home we had in Idaho. 

It was funny when everyone would gather in the tiny space. 

These kids have a special connection formed over the years, through the fires of life. 

Playing in the baby's room. 

We went for a walk in the lovely sunshine. 

It was SO nice to have Sammi just playing the piano and bringing it back to life! 

Sammi and Daniel put on a concert. We even Face-timed with Grandma and Grandpa so they could hear. The kids also sang in Church on Sunday, and that was so nice! We haven't had much music in our ward, and you know... Covid. But it was so beautiful! They sang the song, Gethsemane. I cried happy mom tears. 

It was sad to see Sammi and Daniel go... but we had such a good time. And we are all still trying to recover the sleep and energy we spent staying up late and laughing so hard. :) 

 I sure love my babies! 

(I know, I know... they are not babies anymore.) 

But they will forever be my babies... even when they are old and wrinkly! 

Walking on the Edge

I had a dream last night. The dream was so real, and it projected across my subconcious in such vivid color and imagery, that I feel I should record it. It felt... important. When I woke up, I could still see my dream with my waking eyes. 

I dreamed that I was on the very top of a glacier-blanketed mountain. I looked out in front of me, and there was a path. The path was treacherous, and terrifying, barely wide enough to walk on. It seemed that it was scraped out of the side of the mountain in such a way, that it must have been God Himself who carved it. 

I knew that I must take the path, that I must walk it, despite my intense fear and debilitating doubt. I could not see where the path led, I just knew that it was the only path, the only way. 

As I looked down at myself, I noticed I had a rope around my waist. As I looked back, I noticed a long line of people who were connected to me by the rope. There were family, friends, and people I loved extending back behind me. As I looked ahead, there were others in front of me on the path, too; but I was not connected to them, I was at the front of the rope line.  

The mountain path was covered with ice, and surrounded by snow. It was so steep, and so high, that I could not see the bottom. 

There was just... nothing. 

As I began to walk onto the path, I realized that if I fell, I would take everyone I was roped to with me. The pressure was immense, and I felt the weight of it on my very soul. As I began my walk, I could hear shrieks of fear from all around me. The screams came from in front of me as people fell off the trail into the abyss, and from behind me, as people realized they could fall. But the loudest screams came from inside of me, because I knew that I must NOT fall. 

I felt the ice beneath my feet, as it threatened my ability to move. I moved so slowly, so carefully. When the path became too perilous pushing me to the very edge, a handrail would appear. I grabbed onto the safety of the rail with all of my strength, and I would not let go. I knew if I were to let go, we would all go... down into the gulf of the nothingness. 

My dream continued on in this way, with just a continuous vision of walking on this death-defying path, trying not fall, and trying not bring everyone down with me. 

It was like watching a movie and I could see different angles and perspectives, zooming in and out on the trail and the mountain. I could feel the fear of walking the path, and the desire to just hold onto the railing for dear life. 

My dream had no resolution. 

I was not shown a bright light, a happy destination, or peaceful conclusion.  

I was just shown the path. 

The path I knew I must walk. 

The path I knew I must take, to protect the people that I love, who depend on me not to fall.  

I am still processing what I felt and saw. 

It was a lot.