The Defeating Power of Comparison

Comparing yourself to others can be very defeating. I was reminded of this just yesterday, while I was out for a run. It was not a lesson I was planning on having brought to the forefront of my mind, but there are lessons all around us, if we pay attention and learn from them.

I have been working really hard on my running. I run, and run, and run some more. I love it, and I hate it. I love it because it infuses me with power and strength, and I hate it because it is hard and challenging. I do it because it is not only good for me, but it makes me good; because I have more energy and life to provide for those around me, when I do something healthy for myself. I started running when I was 17. I have had times when I have been a less diligent runner, such as pregnancy, but it has been an activity woven throughout my life since that time. The more devotion and attention I give to my running efforts, the more joy I feel in my life.

Running makes me feel free, like I can fly -- physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I have recently kicked up my efforts to run faster and farther. I had been getting lazy on my 4-5 mile daily runs, and I would just kind of jog along without pushing myself harder than my pleasant, safe, comfort zone. I had been dawdling in that 10+ minute mile zone of running, and simply enjoying the scenery along the way, without putting in a hearty effort to progress. Now that I have my fancy little watch that tells me how fast (or slow) I am going, I feel driven to race that darn clock. I have never, ever, done this before. I have always just run for fun, or for my spirit -- never to improve or beat my time, etc. This is all new for me. It is also empowering to give it all you've got, and see improvement.

I have a new love/hate relationship with this time/distance tracker.

I have made a new goal to go faster and longer for my runs. I plan to run 8-10 miles a day, give or take a few healing runs along the way.  I began this journey on Monday. I ran 10 miles on Monday, 8 on Tuesday, and 8 again today. I also ran faster than normal, and kept upping my pace to see better numbers. It was awful and exciting at the same time. My body does not want to push itself, but my spirit wants to conquer, and so sometimes I have tell my body to get out of the way. Sometimes my spirit has to simply drag my body along for the ride. Sometime when my body and spirit unite, I feel like I could conquer the world.

Yesterday, I was out running at a beautiful pace for myself. I felt amazing, like a champ. I was thinking positive thoughts and feeling surges of excitement imagining how good my goals will be for me. I felt really awesome. And then, another runner crept up behind me. I could hear her coming, the light pounding of running shoes were quickly catching up to me. She came to my side, and then she sprinted out ahead of me. She was tall, thin, and perfectly tanned from head to toe. I knew that, because most of her body was exposed for the world to see. She was running like a light-footed gazelle; graceful and mesmerizing to watch. She quickly bolted on ahead of me, and flew off like lightning. I could see her for a while, until she pushed forward with her long stride, and she disappeared out of my sight.

Suddenly, something strange happened to me. My eyes went a little blurry, and my stride weakened along with my heart. As I viewed this living work of flawless running art, I compared my less perfect self to her perfection. My heart dropped and I felt defeated. My feet started to forget how to move, and I felt like I was going to trip and fall. My breathing felt heavy, and my positive thinking fluttered away replaced by self-doubt. I went from feeling totally awesome, to feeling like my spirit had been crushed, all in one quick moment of unexpected comparison. It was lame. 

As I continued jogging sluggishly, I realized the lesson I was being taught:

Comparison is toxic. 

I went from feeling awesome to feeling awful, in one quick flick of my mind.

And I made it happen, not her.

Sure, she was a running rockstar and showing the road who was boss, but so was I. All I saw was the physical evidence of her superior running, I knew nothing of what lay underneath her appearance of perfection. I did not know her battles, her struggles, her fears, what she was conquering, or overcoming. We may have been at different places physically as far as running was concerned, but we were both doing the same thing...

We were both running our guts out with all of our hearts.

In my moment of weakness, I had forgotten that the road was big enough for both of us.

It took me a minute to regroup, and pull my mental and physical self back in order after being shaken.  I had to push the thoughts of comparison out of my mind, so I could continue my battle with full gusto, and not in a stupor of pathetic defeat. Once I realized what had happened to me, I realized how ridiculous it was that I allowed it to happen.

I should never allow the quickness of someone else's feet, to cause my own feet to stumble and fall.

As we compare ourselves to others, it only causes damage and destruction. I felt a very real and powerful physical effect on my body, as it slowed down and began to retreat in defeat. This same thing happens to our hearts, if we are continuously comparing ourselves to those around us.

Do not live in such a state of defeat by comparing yourself to others. It does absolutely no good, and is very destructive to your happiness.

We are here to become the best we can be, and your very best is good enough for God. The defeating power of comparison is strong, but the power of knowing who you are, and claiming your eternal self-worth is far more powerful and will allow you to shine, thrive, and have joy.

We are all meant to be awesome! 

There is room in this world for all of our awesomeness to shine together.

Let's Go to the Movies

I took the older kids to see Jurassic World. I was a little nervous to go, because the first Jurassic Park was such an intense movie experience for me as a teenager. I think Jurassic Park might rank up there as the most intense movie theater experience I have ever had, but it was also so good. I mean, dinosaurs, they are just so awesome!

I had pretty high expectations going into this movie, and I was hoping not to be disappointed. I had heard mixed reviews. I kept an open mind though, because sometimes I like what others do not.

I had to remind the children that if it wasn't for Jurassic Park, they might not exist. Charles and I shared our very first kiss in my parent's basement, while watching the T-Rex go to town. We had waited a few months before kissing at all, we wanted to be friends first before losing ourselves in the physical stuff. But there was just something about those dinosaurs, they brought out the animal in Charles!

I must say, it was an awful first kiss. Charles would readily agree. It was far from romantic, and far from feeling fireworks. We had to go upstairs into the light and try kissing again a "few" times, but eventually we got it down; practice makes perfect, as they say. Good thing we figured out how to kiss each other, the future of our children depended on us getting it right.

A special thanks to Jurassic Park for giving Charles the courage to kiss me.

It was so fun to just take the older kids to have special movie time together. They were so excited, and I was excited to have time with my teenagers! We had a great time, and I actually really enjoyed the movie. I thought it was good, surprisingly good. I found myself a little tense a few times, but for the most part I was really into it, and it was just fun. I did have a hard time sleeping for a few nights, as the dinosaurs chased me in my dreams, but I would go and see it again.

Good times.

Curls

We have been playing with curlers around here. We found these little noodle-like curlers at the store, and Sammi really wanted to try them out. She had me be the guinea pig, and so we worked together to conquer my thick hair.  I actually used to curl my hair all the time, but that was before I discovered the beauties of a flat iron. I could have really used a flat iron in high school, but instead I had to use curlers to tame the thickness of my hair. Whatever it takes, right?

I was pleasantly surprised at how these new little found gems worked on our hair. They create spiral curls that would take forever with a curling iron. I think you could accomplish the same results using the sock curl method, which I have never tried. But some sort of material, or cloth, might be a little more pleasant to sleep on. These noodles do not produce the best night sleep.

Here are some pictures of the process...

You just wind up the hair around the curler and twist them closed. It is kind of a fun and therapeutic process.

The more you use, the more curls you have to work with. We both had to use the whole package. 

Here is the removal of the first curl

 This is the back of Sammi's hair right after removing the curlers

 She felt like they were too curly for her, so she kept smoothing them out

 She preferred them more loose and natural looking, keeping her hair long and Rapunzel-like. She has got some beautiful hair.

This was my hair right after taking out the curlers, it made it super short with super tight curls. I smoothed them out and divided them for church. (The picture at the very top was right before church.)

However, I decided I also prefer the more loose curls. I felt like they looked even better after a Sunday nap, more natural, keeping my hair long. So that is what I recommend... 

Put your hair up in curlers overnight, take them out in the morning, and then take a nap, and your hair will look great. :) 

Sunday Night Snapshots

I love spending Sunday evenings with my family. We often go for a Sunday drive, and enjoy the beauties of God's creations. I brought my camera along for the ride, and we captured some pictures. Life is good. Life is really good. Heavenly Father has been so kind to me. I sure love Him. I sure love my family. I am so grateful they are mine forever. 

Deliberately Seeking Peace

Summertime is not really a peaceful time. It seems a flurry of activity, mostly because the kids are home all the time, and there is just so much fun to be had. But along with the fun, I find that I need to stop and have peace. Peace is important to me. I need to have moments of peace and pondering in order to fully function properly; it is just part of who I am. 

I can sometimes feel overwhelmed by my thoughts. My thoughts can get carried away into worrying about the future, and how things are going to play out for myself, and my family. It is not really a new thing, I often tried to predict the future even before Charles passed away. I find that it has just been made more extreme now, since my dreams and plans for the future have been shattered and rearranged without my permission. I never dreamed that I would be a widow. Charles was supposed to live to be old and gray along side me. I had dreams of us going on missions, and playing with grandchildren. Those dreams are gone. 

As I ponder my future, I have to reflect on past blessings I have received and counsel I have been given. I have been given some guidance for the future, and some of it leaves me feeling more anxious than peaceful. But, I am trying to fully trust in God, and most of all His timing with everything. His timing is not my timing. I have been instructed to be patient, and that is not the easiest thing to do. I seek peace in my patience. 

My favorite place to go for peace is the temple. I have been able to go twice this week, as I have needed extra guidance lately. I went alone and was filled with joy and comfort and a renewed sense of purpose in life. It is amazing what the temple can do for you. I came home with new ideas of how to make things in my home more comfortable and how to get things in order. I was at a loss before attending the temple; my mind was like lightning after the temple, with ideas and energy galore. It kind of shocked me. 

Today I was able to take Sammi and Daniel to the temple. It was Daniel's first time. He said he loved it! It was a beautiful experience, and we are excited to return again soon. It was such a blessing to be able to take my children there and enjoy the Spirit of the Lord together. I am a lucky mama. 

While I was sitting waiting for them in the temple, I was reading in the Bible. I came across the answer to pretty much all of my current questions: 

"But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you. " - Luke 12:31

Sure there are a bunch of little details and decisions that must be made in my life, but the most important thing for me to do is: Seek the Kingdom of God. To me this means to attend the temple; The Throne of God on earth. I need to make the temple a priority in my life. I was going weekly, but it had been thrown off with summer traveling and schedules. I felt a keen and unpleasant difference in my life after not going as often. I need the temple in my life, and I need it frequently. I am infused with power from Heaven when I attend. I simply function much better after dwelling in the House of the Lord. 

I know as I seek after the things of God, everything else will just work out. I do not need to worry. As I go and open doors and serve others through the work of the temple, Heavenly Father will make sure doors are opened for my family, and that the future will be as bright as my faith. And my faith is made brighter by going to The House of the Lord. Heavenly Father wants me to be happy. He knows what doors to open for me, and when to open them. As I seek to do His will, I will know when to walk through the doors He has opened for me. 

I also read these scriptures in the temple in John chapter 16: 

20. Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice; and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy. 

22. And ye now therefore have sorrow; but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you. 

23. And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. 

24. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full. 

33. These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. 

Be of good cheer, be at peace. Jesus has overcome the world. Sorrow can be turned into joy. Seek the Kingdom of Heaven and have the peace that is so greatly missing from this world. 

If you want peace, you have to seek it. 

Here are some things I do for peace.... 

I have been doing a little "Light" reading lately. The book Jesus The Christ is amazing. I love it. It is just the kind of spiritual food I love to feast on. I would rather read deep doctrine than a fantasy novel any day. It is just how my brain works, I thrive on beautiful truth. The reality of Heavenly Father's Plan of Salvation is far more glorious and superior than anything mortals can conjure up in their minds for entertainment. Don't get me wrong, I love to be entertained too; but learning and focusing on why we are here on earth is necessary to experience true happiness. 

I purchased myself some new running shoes. I had worn through my other shoes, and it was time to go another level brighter. The colors now are crazy. The shoes I bought even glow in the dark. They have taken me on some pretty decent runs so far. I think I like them. My feet are experiencing more peace now, my other shoes had lost their bounce. 

I also got myself a way to track the distance and time that I run. I normally just run free and I have no idea how far I travel most of the time. But I decided it was time to figure it out. It has been super helpful and I tend to run farther now that I know how far I go. It also tells me how many calories I burn, which is pretty helpful information. I am not sure this helps with peace, actually. Numbers have never really caused my brain much peace, they tend to make my brain spin. But still, I need to challenge myself. I can't run with it everyday, because sometimes I run purely for my spirit and to be free. Running outside is one of my top ways of feeling peace. It is a HUGE stress reliever. 

If you are waiting for me to respond to a message or text, it might take awhile. I have been pulling back a bit from those things, and trying to live more in the moment. Sometimes I miss the days when communication was not so instant. You know, back in the days when the phone was attached to the wall and not permanetly attached to the hand. Those were the good old days. They were much more peaceful days, that is for sure. 

This is a sweet moment I enjoyed just watching the kids sing and play the piano and building train tracks. I know I will blink and it will be over before I know it. I love to be home, my home is full of peace. I try to take quiet moments to just soak in the peace of our home. Home is where my heart is. 

I find great peace running by the river. I sometimes stop and just breathe and be. It is important to stop and be in the moment, and live today. There is something about flowing water that is so soothing. 

I love my children. I could not do it without them. These kids are awesome. I have been blessed to have children with great physical and spiritual strength. For example, I took Daniel with me grocery shopping, he told me to just go sit in the car while he loaded the groceries (there were a lot). When we got home, all the kids ran out and unloaded, and Sammi put everything away in its proper place, while I took care of some other household duties. All the kids help with things, from cleaning to cooking; we work together. We are a team, and these kids know how to be team players. I am so very grateful for them. They are not living a "normal" family life, but I am determined that they will live the best life possible, and that includes teaching them how to function in the world; both spiritually and temporally. It gives me great peace being surrounded by such wonderful children.

After the temple trip today with the kids, everyone was tired. It was the magic tired hour of 4:00pm. Both of the younger boys came to me at the same time and said, "Rub my hair." They crawled on my lap, snuggled in, and I rubbed their hair. We often take a nap in the summer. Naps are great. I highly recommend taking a nap.

Also for peace, I like to kick back with good movies. One of my favorites is Sleepless in Seattle. I just love the music, it is so good. The movie is a little more emotional now, since it involves finding love again after losing a spouse, but it is still fun for me. I love that they describe love as "magic" because it really is. Love is a magical thing. 

Another scripture I read in the temple was Luke 12:7: 

"But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered."

For some reason that was extremely comforting to me; I have a lot of hair. 

God knows me personally, and He loves me. He wants me to be at peace. He wants me to seek after Him. 

God loves you too. :) 

Peace, my friends.