A Poem by Sammi: Keep Him Near

Sammi likes to express herself through poetry, pictures, and music. I am so grateful for creative ways to express deep feelings and emotions. It sure does help to get those things out in a healthy, healing, way.

I, for one, do not believe in bottling up emotions until they burst in some dramatic or traumatic way. Charles was also a firm believer in expressing how you really feel. We would talk about feelings and our emotional state all the time. I certainly miss those conversations. It is challenging having those kind of conversations with myself. I am not a very good listener when I am talking to me.

In this house we talk constantly. Thoughts and feelings are flying all the time. We often talk about deep things in a very casual and commonplace way. We have been thrust into deep things, and those things need to be discussed. We talk about life and death like we are talking about what's for breakfast.

My children have a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation in a very tangible way. It is everything for our family -- not just a nice lesson on Sunday. We talk about daddy and where he is all the time. I find it is very healthy, and very healing. He is still with us. The more we talk of him, and discuss him, the closer he feels. Probably because he wants to know what we are saying about him behind his back.

One of the ways that Sammi likes to release her feelings about her daddy is on paper. Sammi is becoming a beautiful writer. She is very naturally creative. It is so fun to watch her develop her abilities and interests. She wrote a poem about her dad the other day and I wanted to share it here:

Keep Him Near
By Sammi van Ormer 

A man I knew was strong and brave
For his family, away he would slave
Always with a smile on his youthful face
He would climb the mountain to find his place

This man was so loving and very kind
In his care, no one was left behind
He was a loyal friend who would always listen
And on his grave, my tears do glisten

Even though death has him in its hold
His spirit shines through clear and bold
And though he may be far away
I feel him in the wind today

It hurts to know that he's not there
To wipe my tears and stroke my hair
But when the gathering day is here
I will hold him tight and keep him near 

Sammi also releases through music. She sings all the time. She performed the song, "Wishing you Were Somehow here Again" from the Phantom of the Opera, at the Young Women in Excellence program a few weeks ago. She sang and played for herself, and she was wonderful. The room burned with emotion. It is a powerful song for her to sing. How she makes it through without crying is beyond me. I will have to record it and put it on the blog sometime.

I also need to post some of the beautiful images she has drawn... but it is getting late and I have to teach Gospel Doctrine tomorrow in Church. The lesson is on courage. It is titled, "If I Perish, I Perish." (Daniel and the Lion's Den.)

Hmmmm... courage... I have a few thoughts on that topic!

I must say my children have taught me a thing or two about courage. They amaze me with their strength. I am so glad they are with me to face these strange and interesting times.

Off to dream about having courage... I have been watching all The Lord of the Rings movies lately, so I should have some good lesson material. ;)

Sammi Sunshine

Heavenly Father knew that I would need a Sammi. She has been an angel in my life. From the time she was born, she has sprinkled sunshine in my soul. She is my one and only daughter, my one and only princess. If I could pick from all the girls, in all the world -- I would choose her to be mine. 

She is a great person to have gospel conversations with. We can discuss deep doctrine together, and she often teaches me lessons with pure and simple answers. She reminds me that if we could see everything -- such as the spirit world and daddy -- then there would be no need for faith. "We are here to have faith, Mom," she wisely reminds me. Sammi's faith is a great example to me. She is proof to me that Heavenly Father has saved His most valiant spirits for these latter-days. 

I love that Sammi has so much of her dad in her. She has his determination, capacity for hard work and responsibility, and his good looks. She has his eye shape, his nose, and eyebrows. She is just such a beautiful girl. I know I am her mother, and therefore very biased -- but I know beauty when I see it. Her beauty shines from within and without. 

Sammi is so funny, if you try and buy her something, she will often decline. She would rather save her money than spend it. She is always helping me to stay on budget, and reminding her little brothers that they should do the same. 

Sammi has a special bedroom in my medium-sized walk-in closet. She does not have a big room full of wonderful space and things, but she has a little room filled with magic and wonder. It is a place she can go to be creative, and dream. And she does dream! One day she may have a "normal" room, but she claims she loves her closet room -- it is unique and special, and builds character. And daddy made the loft bed she sleeps in, so it makes her happy to be there. 

Sammi loves to sing, and she sings all day (and night) long. I often have to ask her to be a little quieter, because she fills the house with her voice. She also loves to play the piano -- a skill that I am very grateful to have around the house, since I do not play. She never took lessons, she had a few instructions from her grandma, and she has self-taught herself to play. (I firmly believe if a child loves something enough, they will do whatever it takes to be good at it, rather than forcing them to do what YOU want them to do as a talent.) I have never forced my children to play an instrument or sport they did not choose for themselves. If they hate it, it will be hard for them to love it. I want my kids to love what they pursue -- life is too short to waste time doing things you hate. 

Sammi loves school. This is amazing to me, since I never loved school. She is a bit of a Hermione when it comes to school and homework. She is very responsible about her work, and takes charge of what needs to be done, so I really don't have to worry about it. Thank goodness. 

She has just become such a wonderful young lady. I could not be prouder of her. She has endured things that are very difficult, but she has handled them like a champ. She and her daddy had a special relationship, one that she misses desperately. He was supposed to be around to tell her she is beautiful and wonderful -- that is what he always did. Luckily, he took every advantage when he was around to make her feel special. She said that daddy loved her more in the short amount of time he was with us, than most people get to experience in a whole lifetime. And that is the truth. His love is still with her. She still feels it, and knows it. 

Your mom and dad love you Sammi. 

Thank you for being the sunshine that you are! 

P.S. It is hat-making time around our house again! Hooray for October! Sammi made the hat she is wearing.

My Stripling Warriors

There are three van Ormer boys. They are each full of life, and spunk, and they each have their own unique personalities. I love each one of them so much. I am so grateful that Charles helped me make such super kids. Charles is gone, but he left me surrounded by strength, and awesomeness, and pieces of himself in our children. 

Each one of our children are tough-cookies -- not just physically, but spiritually, too. This post is about the boys… Sammi will get her own post. 

My hope is to raise boys who are good, and true to the God who gave them life. I want them to be strong in the gospel, and to fight for what they know is right. We have had some pretty amazing experiences as a family, especially having the connection between this world, and the spirit world. My children have a unique and special understanding of the gospel because their father passed away. I asked them who they will want to hug first when they go to Heaven -- Jesus, or daddy -- they all said daddy, and then Jesus. I think that is just how Jesus would want it to be. 

I am raising my boys without a father in the home. This was not part of my plan. I believe strongly in traditional family, with father, mother, children -- each with their own important roles and responsibilities. Charles was supposed to be around to teach the boys how to become good men. Charles is a great man, and I wanted them to learn from his example, and his teachings. But now, this responsibility has been placed completely on my shoulders. 

I am the head of the household. 

I have been thinking a lot about that reality lately, and the responsibility I have to raise my children in righteousness, all by myself. 

My conclusion… 

I can do it! 

In The Book of Mormon, who taught the Stripling Warriors to be men of faith, courage, and obedience? 

It was their mothers. 

Turning young boys into righteous men of faith…

 

I have total confidence that I can do it… with God's help, of course!