Every good story has love woven into its pages, keeping us guessing, and anticipating the moment the lovers finally connect and smooch, or hold hands. We sometimes watch 3 hour movies about Hobbits, just waiting for the moment of love to unfold at the very end of Middle Earth battle scenes. Sometimes the love events we partake of are spilt into 6 episodes we gleefully devour, as we wait for Mr. Darcy to embrace Elizabeth, in a moment so pure and divine, it makes my heart flutter just thinking about it.
We give our lives for it in reality, and even spend our time dreaming about it in fantasy. But what is it?
What is love?
As I live now -- parted from the man that I love -- I find that I just love him more than ever. The love that I had for him has just expanded into something even greater than before. There is no end to it. It reaches across all boundaries and into forever. It is not something physical, but something very spiritual. It is something deep past explaining, and beyond grasp of truly understanding in this life. Though we can get a beautiful glimpse of it. We love as mortals now, but what of immortal love? What of a love that binds for all eternity?
What does it mean to really love someone?
Charles and I were engaged before he told me that he loved me. We were walking down the mountain after he proposed, and I asked him why he had never said "I love you" before. He gave me an answer that I have never forgotten. He told me that for him, plenty of people had said the words, but had not shown that love in their actions towards him. The words were meaningless, unless they could be followed up with love in action, in deed, in service. Charles told me he had hoped that he had shown me that he loved me, by his actions towards me. In that moment, I began to understand love.
Indeed, Charles had shown me love. I knew he loved me. And I loved him. That's why we got married!
But, being a girl, the words were -- and still are -- important to me. I don't know why it is so important, but hearing the declaration of love in words out loud, or on paper, is meaningful to me -- along with the actions of love. Words are powerful. Very powerful, actually. Words of affection and love are to a woman's heart what a warm blanket is to the shivering body, on a crisp winter morning. I know this because I am a woman. But I have it on good authority that men, too, appreciate affirmation of your undying love. Loving words to your spouse are never as pearls before swine. Cast your warm fuzzy words freely and often!
Charles and I both learned how to love each other in word and deed, over time. Words were easy for me, deeds were easy for him -- we both taught each other how to love better. We were both better for being together. No doubt about it.
Love has to be nurtured. I think sometimes we forget it is a privilege to share life with someone. It is a privilege to love someone. It is easy, really easy, to grow complacent and forget to keep the fire of love going. Love takes work, it takes effort. But it is so worth it. Do you have something better to do with your time and feelings? No. Love trumps all. Everything else is in place (or should be) to nurture love in relationships and families. You work, to live, to love. Not love, to live, to work. Obviously the world we live in is not perfect, but we should still make love and strengthening marriage a priority.
I have found that life is sometimes easier without a companion. Shocking? Not really. It is easier for me to be selfish, and to do things exactly how I want them to be done. I don't have to consult with anyone, or work things out with anyone -- it is just me, and the children. I call all the shots around here. We watch the movies I want to watch, and I sleep in the middle of the bed. If I want to paint the whole house neon colors, I could do it -- no one is going to stop me. If the house isn't clean, who cares? If the laundry isn't folded, oh well. Being without a companion has its perks.
So, why is it that I would give anything to have the love of my life back by my side?
Why would I give up every selfish thing to share love with someone else?
Because love is powerful, that's why.
And there is nothing greater on this earth then sharing love with someone.
I would gladly sleep on "my side" of the bed again, just to have Charles next to me. I wish he were here so I could consult with him on all the decisions for our family. I miss cuddling with him while watching movies. I miss his smile and his jokes. I miss enjoying his laughter. I miss his help with everything. I miss having someone to love. Oh, how I ache for him! Oh, the tears that have soaked my pillow for him!
Being without a mortal companion is lame. Living without love in this life is painful. Make no mistake about it. Sharing life with someone is a gift. Do not take it for granted. Do not take love for granted.
I loved being in love. I loved loving someone. There is the promise of forever, but there is also the reality of living in mortality now, and that is the hard part. The very hard part.
But being in love was worth it. And is still worth it... despite the pain I get to carry for the rest of my mortal life.
Charles is worth it.
Every. Single. Tear.
There is a moment at the end of the latest Hobbit movie, that describes the pain of love and loss well. I almost lost control of my tears in the theater. I will not say who says what, in case you have not seen it, but here are the words:
Question: "If this is love, I don't want it! Take it away from me, please! Why does it hurt so much? "
Answer: "Because it was real."
The love I have with Charles is real, and that is why it hurts so much to have him gone. But it is also why I can carry on in hope for a glorious day of reunion. It is a battle now, living here and longing for someone who is in another world, that I cannot visit. It is frustrating, to say the least. But I soldier on, with courage as my comfort. And love as my force of hope for good things to come.
Charles taught me how to love better, he really did. His actions were daily proof of his love for me, and our family. We learned in love, together. I hope that he feels my words of love were matched by my actions. Though the words "I love you" are pretty when written or spoken, he was right...
Love -- true love -- is found in service.
The more you serve someone, the more you love them.
And when you have two people serving each other in marriage...
That is powerful.
That is love.
The kind of love that can last forever.
It is the kind of love worth fighting for!