Facing the Fire with Faith

I will be speaking next Sunday. I was asked to be the speaker at a Stake Youth fireside. I will be discussing how to make it through trials, with faith. It is a topic I have become very familiar with, as of late. 

My mind has been swirling with ideas, thoughts, and intense emotions, as I have been preparing for this task. I have had a little bit of presenting preparation, since I have been teaching a large group during Gospel Doctrine class. But this event is for the youth, so it's a little different dynamic. (I love the youth, by the way -- they are the BEST!) 

I have had many youth firesides in my home, but they have been really low-key, and small. This will be a little more exciting, with a larger group of youth and leaders. Eek! No pressure! 

It will be 5 months -- almost to the day -- since I last stood at the same Church pulpit, while briefly speaking at Charles' funeral Life Celebration. I haven't been in that building since that day, so that should be interesting. However, I have been in many more difficult places, so I should be fine!  

5 months ago, I had no idea I would be standing in front of a group of people discussing how I have endured the loss of my husband. It was not on my calendar, or my radar. And, yet, here I am -- living a life I never planned on living. And -- because of my Heavenly Father -- I am still happy! 

Hallelujah! 

The first night after Charles died, I asked my Heavenly Father the questions, "Why me, why now?" 

My answer from Him was, "You know why." 

He wants me to testify of Him, and His gospel -- no matter the circumstances. And He knows I will do it. 

Since that day, I have changed my question from, "Why me?" to "What now?" 

As I take life one day at a time, I continue to discover what He wants me to do… one day at a time. 

God has been preparing me for this time. 

At this moment, I am anxious about speaking, but excited about testifying. It would have been so much easier to say, "No, I can't," and then I could just stay home and eat ice-cream, while snuggled comfortably in a blanket. 

But the thing is, I know too much to hide from sharing my testimony -- I have to speak! 

I know that He will be with me. 

At this point, I have been studying and pondering, and trying to put my thoughts together, and yet, I still have no idea what I am going to say! (That's always fun!) 

No worries, though. I am prepared. 

God will give me the words. 

I can't wait to see what He wants me to say! :-) 

Stronger

I need to exercise. This was repeated twice in a blessing I was given after Charles died. I was told to exercise daily, and to get outside in the fresh air. This was something I already knew I should do, and I was doing pretty well, but it became something God personally counseled me to do -- and that has made all the difference. 

I have been diligent in my efforts to obey. :-) 

I have been running and working-out daily. I love it! If I go throughout my day without exercise, my mind becomes weighed-down with worry, and my body begins to feel antsy and irritated. Actually, I am starting to feel that way right now, so I only have a few minutes, and I am outta here! 

I know that if I start to feel cranky, sad, and full of fear, then I need to get out and run, and breathe. I felt that way last night. I have a LOT on my mind right now, and instead of wallowing in my discomfort, I told the kids to load-up on their bikes, and we had our Friday Family Night outside, exercising. It was the right thing to do! We had a great time, and I released my fear and worry on the trails. We all felt amazing afterwards -- as we always do. 

I just have to go and exercise, even if I don't feel like it -- especially if I don't feel like it! I ALWAYS feel better after, and never regret it! 

Bodies are made to MOVE and BREATHE!

I always think of Charles when I am on the trails. I feel the closest to him when I am outside. Probably because they were our trails we would travel together, and so old conversations come back to my memory, and make me smile (and sometimes cry). Being out in the weather, fresh air, and changing perspective is so freeing and rejuvenating… rain or shine! When I go on a little outdoor journey daily, it makes everything better. My brain becomes alive and happy, instead of frenzied and sad. 

What a blessing it is to be able to breathe! I am so grateful for a body that can move about freely, and take me where I need to go. 

Last night on our journey, we stopped for a minute at a potty, and played on the bike racks. The kids loved it, and said it was AWESOME! 

It is the simple things… 

Finding Beauty, Finding God.

I need to seek out and discover beautiful things. I received that counsel in a blessing given to me by my father, after Charles died. I was advised to look around me, and be full of joy and gratitude for the wonders of the world -- if I can do that, I will feel happy and close to my Heavenly Father. (Good advice for everyone, I should say!)

I was also counseled to use my camera to capture the beauty that I see. My camera is a most treasured and precious gift that Charles gave me. It is the kind of gift that keeps on giving. I love it! Oh, how I love it! It has really helped me see the wonders of the world -- God's creations -- more clearly.

I love that you have to "focus" when you use a camera. You have to focus to see things clearly. You also have to be still -- otherwise you will get a blurry picture. You cannot take a picture in the dark without some light. You have to turn a light on to see. I could go on and turn this into a long spiritual analogy, but I think you get the idea…

Be still and focus on the light!

I love to focus on beautiful things and light. I love to find beauty in the really simple things. I have noticed that almost anything can be made beautiful, when looking through the right light, and proper angle. Photography is all about light. When you take a picture you are actually capturing the light. Maybe that is why I love it so much. You reach out and grab the light, and preserve its wondrous beauty -- you hold onto the light.

When I think of light, I think of God's light.

He allows His light to shine each and everyday -- are we looking for it? Are we capturing it? Are we soaking it in? Or are we wallowing in the darkness? (Or spending too much time glued to a computer/phone screen?) Heavenly Father paints new pictures everyday for us to enjoy. I think it is a shame if we do not step outside and appreciate His Masterful artwork. If you can't step outside, at least look outside, and thank your Heavenly Father for giving you this day! Maybe even grab that phone and take a picture of something beautiful that you see!

Today could be your last day… you never know. It is best to appreciate it fully!

What if it was your last day? Are you close to your Heavenly Father? Would you be ready to meet Him? This fleshy mortal existence will end. I have seen it. It was shocking and unexpected. If you don't have a relationship with your Father in Heaven, maybe it is time to remember that you already know Him? You were with Him before you were born, and you will see Him again when you die. And you still have access to Him now! Hooray!

He is waiting for you to remember who you are. You are His child. And He loves you.

There are so many beautiful things around us all the time, everyday. Sometimes we are just rushing around too busy to see the beauty before our eyes -- God's beauty. It is everywhere, all around us, always. God's light is everywhere! Even if you have to search for it -- you will find beauty, even in strange places. Look for the light!

If you look for beauty and light, you will find it!

Speaking of light… I find I am very sensitive to mood lighting, and the spirit in a room, or place. At night, I will turn on lamps that create a certain feeling, and pleasant atmosphere in our home. During the day I will adjust the blinds and lighting just so, so that I feel at peace and serene. For me it is torture to be in a room with harsh lighting -- large stadiums being an example, bulk groceries stores are another, and college classrooms are a mood-lighting nightmare! Maybe it is because my eyes are so big, but I find I am very sensitive to unpleasant light, and also unpleasant darkness! I feel like when I am adjusting the lighting in my home to be soothing and warm, I am also inviting the Spirit of God to enter. If I am at home sitting in the darkness… then I will be left sitting in the dark. If you want to feel peace and comfort, you have to remember to turn on the light!

I love light and beautiful things. I have always been one to chase the rainbow, and even the excitement and splendor of a storm. If there is something awesome to see and experience, I want to be a part of it! (Unless that something awesome is in the middle of the ocean, on a boat -- I do not love boats.) I also find joy in simple wonders. My eyes notice the tiny rainbows that appear when the sun beams through a glass of water, or the sparkles of light that stream through the blinds at sunset. I even take the long way when I drive my kids from school, because it is the more beautiful road, filled with trees and flowers. When I am driving I listen to music that soothes my soul, to add to the experience. I find beautiful moments often take effort on my part. Sometimes beautiful moments just happen, but more often than not -- I have to create them. It takes time to create them, but it is oh, so, worth it!

Life is too short not to enjoy the beauty in it. Oh, how I know it! We are here to be happy, and to have joy.

Joy, to me, is an action word. I always think of "Shouting for Joy!" Joy is found on the other side of doing. You have to seek it out, to find it, and feel it. You won't find joy curled-up in a ball in a dark room, hiding. Nope, its not there. Joy is found in truly living and doing!

Have you shouted for joy today? Come on… let out a good shout! "HOORAY!!!!!" 

Seek and ye shall find. Hide and you shall flounder.

Seek God daily. Don't hide from Him.

Remember as you are rushing about here and there, stop and breathe in the beauty of life and light.

It will make you happy.

Don't you want to be happy? 

I do.

These are just some random pictures I have taken over the last few days… just some little things. 

Rain -- I love rain! 

Basking in the rain and the sun

Yellow flower… I love the green curly part, so amazing.

Storm chasing… 

The city after the storm 

Water creates sparkles of light…

I've been thinking a lot about water and light lately, I'll have to tell you about it sometime…

Beautiful girl

Almost a teenager!

I love this one of Sammi in the sky… all it needs is a Mormon message on it. ;-)

I could just take pictures all day of my only girl!

He has his daddy's back -- strong and muscular.

Love his hair in the wind…

Popsicle were an everyday thing in the heat of the summer.

When you look closely, even weeds can be beautiful… 

I mean,  just look at how amazing they are! So intricate and detailed. 

I love sunflowers. My friend brought these over the other day… the light through the window was creating exquisite beauty.

Check out these flowers…

They were glowing like they were from another planet…

Doesn't my dirty window make a nice backdrop?

Seriously, look at the detail of a flower. Wow!

Corn is really amazing food. We were given a bunch of corn and had ourselves a feast! 

 Yum, yum yum!

Pears are pretty… have you noticed? 

I call this a can of charity. :-) Made by a friend who slaved over them all day. 

Is it fungus or fairy houses? You decide. 

My favorite source of light and beauty is found here… in the Scriptures. This is the stack which sits on our dinner table. We feast on the Word of God before school, and before sleeping. 

Truly, if you are looking for light in your life -- read the Scriptures! The Book of Mormon, in particular, is very powerful. I was 16 when I asked God if it was true, and my room filled with light and power. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the foundation which has brought me through darkness and into light -- no matter the circumstances. The knowledge I have allows me to have happiness and hope, even in the darkest of times. It is my light when all other lights go out. 

It is simple, my friends. I know God lives. He is the Light in my life. He is The Light. 

He can be the Light in your life too. You just have to seek Him. You will find Him. 

Seek for beauty, seek for light -- find God. 

He is waiting for you! 

P.S. I REALLY want to find a rainbow maker. You know, like the kind Pollyanna made to make people happy, when they were sad?  Rainbows are special to me and Charles, and I would love to make my own! And Pollyanna was one of Charles' favorite movies. :-) I have noticed rainbows sparkling through a glass of water in the morning, and I just thought it would be fun to have a rainbow maker hanging in the kitchen window, so I can have rainbows daily -- any ideas???