Christmas Eve at the Lutheran Church

We went to the Lutheran Church on Christmas Eve, with our good friends. I wish I would have taken my camera to capture how beautiful it was, but I just wanted to fully enjoy the moment, so I took pictures in my mind. I loved all of the imagery, the stain glass windows, the flickering candles, the Nativity banners, the elegant Crosses, the organ pipes, and the Christmas trees -- it was all very beautiful.

Our whole family went to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas -- the Birth of Jesus -- together with our friends of another faith. I am so glad we were able to go, it was wonderful! Our kids were really excited because their good friends were part of the program. Daniel's friend, Jake, was in the children's program, and we got to watch Sammi's best friend, Hanna, perform her duties as an acolyte. It was really special to watch them, it was hard for me not to cry! They were both so cute. Miss Hanna was so sparkly-faced, and angelic, in her white ceremonial robes.

It was different for our kids, different then the Mormon Church services they are used to. There was a lot of standing-up and singing, and reciting words from the program out loud. It made me smile to look over at my children and see them singing with enthusiasm, and reciting the parts in bold on the program. Daniel really enjoyed it. It was basically the Bible Christmas story, so they were very familiar with it. All of the songs were the Christmas Hymns, which were the same ones that we sing as Mormons. I loved all of the music. I was happy when it came to a part in the program of reciting the Lord's Prayer from memory -- I could do it!

I loved being there with our friends, and others who have faith in Jesus. I looked around the room, and I could sense the goodness from the people that were there. It made my heart happy to see that there is still so much good in the world. There are still so many very, very, good and faithful people.

My favorite part of the whole evening was when we lit our candles. I was sitting on the end of the pew, so the Pastor -- dressed in his white robes -- was the one who helped me light my candle. I then shared my light with the person next to me, as did everyone else, until we all had light. The main lights in the room were turned off, and we sang Silent Night. It was such a beautiful moment, so full of the Spirit -- it was hard not to cry. I loved how the flame would flicker a glorious light on all the faces. It was such a precious moment, there is something special about the light from a candle. A lit candle creates a very ethereal glow, a Heavenly light.

It was so special to gather with our friends and celebrate the Birth of Jesus Christ. Of all of my Christmas memories this year, attending the Lutheran Church Christmas Eve services was my favorite moment of them all.

I had struggled this year to feel the Christmas Spirit. I finally felt it prick my heart as we gathered together with our friends, singing praises, lighting candles, and allowing the Spirit of Jesus to fill my heart.

P.S. The Cross in the picture above is a prominent symbol here in Boise, Idaho. It sits high up on the foothills, and casts its beautiful light that can be seen from across the city. I know there has been some controversy over it in the past (people wanting it removed), but I hope that it always remains as a beautiful symbol that glows over the City of Boise. 

Christmas Update

We had a wonderful Christmas. A few highlights were going to the Botanical Gardens-A-Glow, dropping off Christmas goodies, sledding on Christmas day in Idaho City, and attending Christmas Eve church services with our friends. 

 This is what happens if you let Texas Rhodes rolls rise too long! Awesome! 

Our Christmas food tradition is lots of fruit, meats, and cheeses. No cooking! (Except for the stuffed mushrooms, which also gave us some serious gut-pain issues!) My favorite is Chinese meat with hot mustard. Yum! 

 Sammi getting ready to open Christmas PJs. Our tradition is opening PJs and then watching the Polar Express. 

 Henry shoving a roll in his mouth. 

 Charles made his very first batch of Gingerbread cookies -- they were good! 

I did not take a bunch of pictures on Christmas Eve or morning, I wanted to be in the moment, not behind the camera, but here are some after pictures . . . LEGOS lots of LEGOS! Our kids love LEGOS. They are pretty much the only toy we have in the house. 

 Henry loved eating candy canes. 

 We went up to Idaho City on Christmas day, to find a sledding hill. There was barely any snow, just enough for a bit of sledding. 

We also dropped off our hats to the Women and Children's shelter -- we made our goal of over 100! (Thanks to Jessica for making so many cute hats!)

It was a good Christmas, though I am glad it is over. I have spent the whole night last night until now in bed, terribly sick with some sort of flu the kids and Charles all had. I prayed to not get sick until after Christmas and my prayer was answered -- I got sick at the end of the night last night. I do not remember the last time I have felt so achy and awful, with the desire to just sleep. The kids all did the same thing, they would just pass out for hours and hours, and when Charles had it he was in bed for 2 days. Ugh. Oh well, better to get it over with now!

I am ready for the new year! I am also ready to clean up Christmas and get our house back in order! I would have done it today had I not been sick, maybe I will be able to handle it tomorrow . . . I am ready to have order and cleanliness again.

Peace in the Midst of Chaos

This Christmas season has felt different for me. I have had a difficult time feeling the Christmas Spirit. I want to feel it -- I love Christmas time. I have gone through the motions of the season, and done our traditional activities. We have served, and loved, and sang, and been together as a family. But my heart has struggled to really feel it. I have had a few moments here and there where I have felt it, but nothing lasting.

I do not think I am alone in this feeling. I have heard many say they feel the same way.

There is so much going on in the world right now, so much chaos, and so much darkness. I am blown away by the amount of contention and hate that fills the news and social media. I was having a discussion with my mother about "the haters"  and we were wondering why this term is so popular right now? People love to hate, love to judge, love to find fault with others. I am guilty of these things myself, as I have proven recently.

There is so much contention.

I have felt feelings of strong contention this year, and it has been sad for me. I am working through the feelings, and I will try and be better with what I have learned from my experience. I will try and be kinder and more thoughtful with my words and actions -- and less judgmental.

There are also politically charged issues going on in the world that make my heart concerned and disappointed. It seems as though their is an accelerating political/social domino-effect of excepting bad as good, and good as bad. Religion is being seen as evil, while worldly vice is openly praised, accepted, and conquering. It seems so intense right now, with people so divided and so confused. Sometimes I feel so angry about what is going on with our country, and the world -- I feel angry and helpless to stop any of it. I am helpless to stop any of it.

The darkness seems to be winning . . .

But we have always known that would be the case in the last days before the Savior comes again. And He will come again. Before He does come, things will get harder for those who try to follow Him. Those who believe in Jesus and try to be His disciples will be persecuted, and it will be harder to stand up for what you believe in. The world will want to silence you -- the world will want you to feel small and helpless, and defeated in your cause. But we cannot ever give up as long as we still breath. We endure to the end -- no matter what.

I feel in my heart a sense of the Hastening of God's work. I feel as if the hourglass of time has been turned, and the sand is quickly running out. The word "hasten" means: to hurry, rush, race, fly, scurry, scramble, dart, bolt, run, sprint. And I believe that is where we are at now. We are "sprinting" to the end . . . we are sprinting to The Return of Jesus Christ, our Savior and our King.

The baby that was born in a manger will come again, whether we are ready, or not.

I have been made keenly aware of my weaknesses as of late, and I have felt the pain of my mistakes. But I have also -- through my stress, pain, and errors -- been able to draw closer to Jesus. He is the only One who can save a wretched soul like mine. I have felt that in a powerful way lately. No matter what our sins and weaknesses are, He can wash them all away if we go to Him. He can heal anyone willing to believe, and follow Him. He wants us to come to Him. He loves us!

Jesus is our Savior. He is King of Kings. He died for you, and He died for me. And He will come again to the World, and there will be peace. I so long for peace. I so look forward to that day. I do not fear it. I worry about what happens before He comes, but I hope to be around for that Glorious day.

My heart burns with love for Jesus. I hope your heart burns too.

May the Spirit of Jesus fill your heart (and mine) for Christmas. He is the only source of peace and true happiness -- that happiness is not in the toys, or the trinkets, or the tree -- it is in Christ.

Take a moment, even just a small moment, to allow the Spirit of Jesus Christ into your heart.

Jesus is what Christmas is really about. Allow Him in, and you will feel the Spirit of Christmas.

Let everything else go, and Let Him in.

*Watch the video, it is so beautiful. I have played it over and over again. Music pricks my heart like nothing else can. 

I Can See Clearly Now . . .

The Rain is Gone. :-)
This is an update on my, "Judge Me Not, Please?" blog post... 

Last week, I was sent a message from someone, who heard from someone else, that I did not like them, and that I did not think, or speak, well of them. She was given the impression that I hated her. This person was hurt, and shocked, by the information that someone else laid before her -- she thought I was above such petty things, she thought I was more kind, and more Christlike. I thought I was too.

I never thought much about the things I said about her, they seemed to me harmless enough -- if someone asked, I would tell them my thoughts of her. And I certainly never thought my thoughts and my words would reach her ears. I viewed this person one way, and I would have expressed my views freely -- to most anyone that asked.

When I received the message from her -- which called me out for talking behind her back -- I was shocked that someone would reveal such information, and I was shocked that someone would want to spread it through the grapevine, from my mouth into her lap. My "harmless" words became harmful, and painful.

When I received the message late in the evening, my heart began pounding, and my mind began racing -- trying to figure out who said what to who, and why? My mind flew to the past, to past conversations I might have had with a friend (or friends) regarding this person. I was trying to understand why someone would want to share this information with this person, to make me look like I am an unkind person, saying awful things behind others back.

My mind was spinning out of control. And I felt sick on many levels.

The truth is, I said unkind things about this person -- I am sure, even positive, that I did. I was not speaking of her to be spiteful, or hurtful, nor was I speaking in a malicious type way, full of hate. (Envy maybe, but not hate -- though hate and envy are hard to separate.) But if her name came up in a conversation with someone else, I would definitely share my uninformed opinion, and judgements, about her. I am guilty of this action 100%. No doubt about it.

I was judging this person mostly by appearance, what I saw of her, and what I ASSUMED about her. I considered this girl to be one way in my mind, without real reason, other than just my initial, and continued judgement of her, over time. I had very little personal interaction with her, just a handful of moments -- but I never really got to know her, her thoughts, her concerns, her worries, her life, or anything. I never took the time, because I allowed my judgements to stand in my way of her. I allowed my judgements to keep me from a potential friend. I am sure this is not the first time I have done this.

I know many people have declared that you should not care what other people think of you, you should brush them off, and move on . . . but I don't buy that! I DO care. I care A LOT. If I find out that someone has a problem with me for some reason -- especially if I was the one to inflict the problem -- then I will do whatever I can to resolve it. If after everything I can do someone still despises me, then I will keep trying . . . and trying. Of course I cannot make the world love me, but if there is an individual that has an issue with me over something, I will TRY to make things right! I know it is not the worlds way, but it is MY way. (If you have an issue with me and you are reading this, can you wait to bring it up until after Christmas? Thanks.) :-)

This person and I have been communicating with each other, trying to work things out, to a point of resolution between us. I believe we have gotten there. I hope we have! It took time, and hard words, but I am hoping we arrived at a place of understanding. That is all I can hope for. There is still a fresh tenderness in my heart, and hers I am sure -- words can hurt! We were both upset, and even angry, and it was difficult trying to resolve something so sensitive through the written word, over the internet -- but there was space and distance between us physically, so face-to-face wasn't really an option. And I think a phone conversation would have been a worse way to try and communicate, especially with kids running circles around me (and likely her, too).

I have -- in this short amount of time -- learned a lot about this person. And my biggest regret is that we did not take the time to get to know each other, and be friends, while we were closer in proximity. Had we sought out each other in friendship, or at least, for my part, looked at her with kindness -- this whole thing could have been avoided!

Through our discussion I found that the things I thought of her were wrong. I am awful at judging people. It is not like I hate people, and prance around seeing the worst in others, I don't, I really don't! I just see people, categorize them in my mind, slip them in their place, and let them stay there until they prove they are someone else entirely. And since I am almost always wrong, and a pathetic judge of people, I keep learning (and relearning) the lesson of not judging. It is truly hard to love people when you are judging them. And I want to love people.

Yes, of course, we all judge people. We see, and we assume. But it is what we do with our judgements that count! See, judge, and then give people the benefit of the doubt. Give people a chance!  Try seeing and judging the BEST of them. Find the best about them, and focus on that.

This could have all been avoided. And I will tell you how. . .

I have been, as it were, "caught" in the act of gossiping about someone else. I am ashamed, wholeheartedly, and guilty of my accusations. I have learned valuable lessons. And I share these things here, so that I will not forget, and so you can learn from my mistakes, and try and avoid them!

I (we) need to stop talking about people so loosely, so casually, so easily. If someones name comes up in a conversation, and the first thing you think is something negative -- DON'T SAY IT! Just stop yourself. Bite your tongue. Bite it hard if you have to. I promise it will hurt less than the pain that will come back to you if you say it out loud.

If you are about to say something unkind about someone else, consider it is only because you are  jealous, envious, mean-spirited, or something else entirely awful. You are also so insecure about yourself that you have to rip other people down, to make yourself feel elevated.

Though this was an awful thing to go through -- for both parties involved -- I am grateful it happened. I have been educated in a painful way. But I have been educated. Let's hope I learn.

I am scared now though. I am scared to slip-up again. I am scared of gossiping again . . . I now live in fear of it.

It is a lot easier to say, "Don't Judge," than it is to actually stop doing it.

Heaven help me. And you better help me, too. Please! If you call me friend, please, please help me!

Let my mistakes be a lesson to you . . .

What goes around WILL come around. So be careful.

Be kind.

Focus on the Light

I love Christmas lights. They create such magic. The lights are a treat to my eyes. Sometimes I just love to stare at them, and dream... and take pictures too! 

Jack Frost in Idaho

 I had a friend request pictures of the beautiful frost. It is magical.