Henry's Hospital Update

Henry is home. We had a fun time at the hospital, but there is no place like home. We had a lot of interesting experiences, and I had many insights, and inspiring moments. I will share those later, when my brain is less fuzzy from the adventures we have had. Right now I will just share mostly facts... 

We went in early Thursday morning to prepare Henry for his procedure. When he got to his room where he needed to change and get ready, he wanted nothing to do with it. After a great struggle, they finally had to give him some medication to calm him down so they could get him ready in time. The medicine made him act silly, relaxed, and he kept playing with his bellybutton. They were able to take him from my arms, and walk away with him without him complaining. That was some powerful stuff. 

The surgery took longer than expected. When the doctor got in there she found that there was more to do then she had planned. She was able to take care of the issues with his ureters, and basically reconstruct them so that he will not reflux anymore. In about a months time he should be able to not take the antibiotic he has taken since the day he was born. That will be nice. This procedure was meant to prevent future problems. He has had one really severe kidney infection, but it was scary, and dangerous. Preventing future problems was the best thing to do. 

My mom waited with me while Henry was in the operating room. We even went and ate at the cafeteria, a place I had not been since Charles died. I felt totally peaceful at the hospital the whole time. Again, I will talk about all that good stuff later... the time passed, and it did not seem to take too long. 

After the surgery was over, and the doctor explained what she had done, we went to help Henry come off the anesthesia. That was a little rough, but he did well. He ate a popsicle not too long after waking up. Then we were wheeled up to his recovery room, where we stayed for a few days. 

He did great while recovering. It is really hard to rest and relax when the nurses are coming in every few minutes. He got really frustrated with them and he started to tell them, "Get outta here!" Once they would leave he would say, "Lock the door!" Every time they had to do something he would just say, "Don't!" I tried to help him understand that they were helping him, and he finally got to the point where he was saying, "Thank you." He especially liked the nurse who brought him popsicles. 

The kids came to visit for a little bit. It was so cute. Henry was so happy to see them. He just put out his little hand for them to touch. But you could see how much joy they brought him by being there. I think it was super comforting for him to have some friendly faces around. They stayed for a few hours. He loved it. 

Grandpa and Grandma held down the fort at home while I was gone. It put my mind at ease. I was not worried about the other kids at all. These good people have a secured place in Heaven for all they have done for me. I am sure of it. 

The whole thing was not a totally pleasant experience, but it was not awful. Henry did a beautiful job. I think his extra energy is helping him heal. 

He is home, and resting. He is still really out of it. He is sore, and he has to be careful. He has a good size incision on his tummy. I will be sleeping on the trundle next to his bed tonight, to make sure he is OK. But that is way better than the hospital chair I slept on. But somehow, I did manage to sleep. It was a miracle. 

Please continue praying for his quick and full recovery. He is a tough little guy, but it still hurts him, poor thing. He has walked around a little, but he prefers to be lying down, sucking his thumb. He is in his bed right now, watching Donald Duck, holding his special blanket. He will be down for awhile, until he is feeling much better. 

There will be more to come later... I am pretty tired from all the excitement. 

Thank you for your prayers and offerings of love. I felt them. I really did. I continue to feel them. 

Here are some pictures to tell the story...

Daddy's Got You

Henry goes to the hospital at 7:00 in the morning. He had a blessing tonight, given by my father. He was told that his daddy, and his ancestors, will be there with him, watching over him. He will be in good hands. The best hands.

Thank you for your prayers. I can feel them. I really can.

I will try and update the blog from the hospital...

Kidneys and Rainbows

Rainbows have always been special for us. They have appeared at different and meaningful times. Our whole family was in the car a few days ago, and there was one single dark cloud in the sky, and from it a rainbow smiled at us. It was very special, and very timely. It was as if Heaven was saying, "It is going to be OK."

Henry is going in for his kidney surgery this Thursday. We will be at the hospital for at least a few days. (For more on his kidneys click: HERE.) I anticipate some interesting feelings, but more than anything I anticipate that Charles will be with us during this time. He has not stopped caring about the welfare of his children and family, he watches over us more now than ever. You better believe he will be holding Henry's hand, and comforting him. And he will be with me, and keep me strong. There is this weird part of me that is looking forward to this experience. Maybe it is because I know Charles will be there, at the hospital. It kind of makes me excited thinking about it. I know Henry will be OK. It will be a hard process, but it will turn out alright.

My parents are on their way, driving all the way from Anaheim, California (where they went to Disneyland with my sister's family), and they will be here soon. I have had many friends offer help of every kind. I am not alone. I am never alone, not ever. I am so grateful for that.

Please say an extra prayer for Henry this week. And please say an extra prayer for me, that I can feel strong, and be brave.

Random Life

Time for a random life update. I really should write more of the day-to-day stuff, a lot of it is pretty routine, but I just forget to capture the moments. Here are a few moments from my iPhone... 

My friend sent me the book Heaven is Here, by Stephanie Nielson. I was so excited because I love Stephanie, she is a hero of mine. I finished the book in about a day. I could not put it down. I highly recommend the book, but only if you have lots of tissues. I felt the Spirit in a powerful way as I read her words. She is so inspiring, and it is amazing what the human spirit is capable of overcoming and enduring. If you have not read it, you really should. 

We went for a walk on Sunday by the river, with our friends. It was a beautiful night. The weather has been amazing lately, in the 60's in the evening. It has been my kind of February! 

I have super-strong kids. I find myself extremely grateful for their Scottish heritage, and strong backs. They have needed strength, and I have needed them to be strong. They are such amazing helpers with everything. William was sad because all he got to carry was the cheese. He wanted to show his strength too.

Just Henry being cute...

I have received so many gifts and lovely things for Valentine's day. I got a huge package from a dear friend I have had since childhood. She is amazing. One of her sister's was also a young widow, so she is familiar with what helps. Receiving random packages is really the BEST! It is such a boost for our spirits. I cannot even explain it, it just raises us to joy. Her package was so generous, and full of thoughtfulness. I will never be able to repay the kindness that has been given to us. All I can hope is that Heavenly Father will pour down His finest blessing on those who have been so kind to us.

The kids have been enjoying the weather on their scooters, and at the park. The grass is growing, the flowers are blooming, it is just wonderful!

Daniel wanted to show his strength... yeah, he is tough. He has been doing manual labor for a man in our ward, it has been so good for him to learn how to work hard. He has his dad's broad shoulders.

We live small and simply, but it made me laugh to find that all the boys fell asleep in Henry's bed. I love how much we all love each other. It was one of those moments when I just looked at all of them with wonder and thought, "I helped make these beautiful boys."

Henry just soaking in the sun while waiting for Sammi. 

Sometimes I love to just sit and stare out the car window, and let the warm sun blast light on my face.

I wait for Sammi after school in the church parking lot. It makes me happy.

Speaking of Sammi... She got BRACES!!!! It was time. She was ready. So far she has not had any pain, and she is doing really well. She already had a beautiful smile, but I am excited to see how it will change over time. The process is amazing. She is cute. She got to go to the temple the same day she got them on, and with help, she did 30 names from our family! Hooray! 

I don't know who left these, but they were yummy! 

Random cute Henry..

This little guy goes in for surgery next week, I will write more about that later. 

Happy Friday!

God Thinks I'm Beautiful

Women want to feel beautiful. I believe it is because women are inherently beautiful. Perhaps our very spirits were made with an extra sparkle of heavenly grandeur, woven into the feminine fabric of life. This beauty I speak of is not something exterior, but something that radiates from the interior. No matter the appearance and genetic makeup of the fleshy tabernacle which you now possess, the power and splendor of your divine spirit can burst through and shine.

We are meant to shine. God wants us to shine.

So often women do not see this grand beauty in themselves. I think they feel that spark of something glorious inside of them, because it wants to get out. The real "shiny" you wants out! But rather than igniting the transcendent inner light, enormous efforts are focused on making the external flesh picture-perfect, and frightfully flawless. Women can quickly fall prey to the dark lie that physical perfection, equals true beauty. This is not what God requires of women -- He loves us no matter what! 

It is a message whispered from the dark side.

It is a trap. A very deceptive trap.

There is a very cunning and crafty adversary that wants to keep you weak, and weary, in your efforts for perfection. He wants you to believe that no one will love you, unless you measure up to the ideals of the world. He works hard -- along with his hosts of darkness -- to take out powerful, righteous, women. He wants to leave you feeling inadequate and lacking. He wants you to focus on your imperfections. He wants weakness to swirl in your mind, and to keep you immobilized by fear. If he can cause insecurity and doubt, he can not only destroy you, but generations. He wants to claim you, and your confidence.

But you cannot give it to him!

Be strong! Fight back!

Use that light within you to conquer the darkness.

The beauty of a righteous woman is innately there. We are all born with the light of heaven in us, it is just waiting to by nourished -- not buried in self-doubt. Inside of a woman is something divine, something queenly, something radiant. If that radiant divinity is nurtured, it will be seen on the outside. It has nothing to do with the contours of her cheeks, the color of her hair, the shape of her body. It has everything to do with allowing the light within to come out. When the light shines, that is true beauty. I am sure you have seen it. I know I have.

I am without a companion now. I do not have someone around all the time, to tell me I am beautiful. I used to hear those words of validation, and often. He used to help me feel lovely by the way he would look at me, compliment me, and wrap his arms around me. He loved me no matter what I looked like. He saw it all, but he also really saw me. It is wonderful to be loved, and nice to be beautiful to someone. I miss it. Of course I do. But he is not around to tell me, or reassure me, so I have learned that I need to know it without him. I need to feel beautiful simply because I am me -- not because someone tells me so. And that is the real trick.

But I have learned that even without that validation from my companion -- or anyone else -- I am still beautiful.

How do I know this?

God has told me so, and I believe Him. He continues to fill me full of His light and grace. It is yet another miracle for me.

The other day I was out running with the sun caressing my face, and I had this overwhelming feeling of love coming from Heaven. And then I heard a voice whisper, "Mari, you are awesome. You are so awesome." As I heard this voice, I knew it was the Spirit giving me a message from my Heavenly Father. And in that moment, I felt divinely awesome. I felt like I was flying. I was proud of myself. And I knew that God was proud of me. He thinks I am awesome! He even told me so. It was amazing. I felt like He had revealed to me a new super power.

After being told I was awesome, I prayed and asked God to help me see myself, as He sees me. I was not sure how He would answer my prayer, but I was on the lookout for His answer. I knew He would answer my request, because it was important to me, and God has a special love for widows.

He answered me.

I was in the temple, and I was wearing my new white dress I got myself for my birthday. It is a beautiful princess type dress. I was standing next to a mirror, and I caught a glimpse of my reflection staring back at me. My hair was long and flowing, my face and eyes were bright and happy, and my new dress made me shine with great light. I had never seen this girl before. I knew I was looking at myself, but it was someone much more beautiful looking back at me. And I saw it...

I saw what God sees. I caught a glimpse of who I am to Him. Of who I really am.

I was breathtaking. I was glorious.

I felt beautiful the whole time I was in the temple. It was a new and wonderful sensation. It burned from within me, and my reflection implied it was glowing outside of me too. Whether anyone else noticed made no difference to me. Because I felt beautiful. And that is what I longed for.

As I walked into the Celestial room -- a Heavenly room full of light and glory -- I found an open chair and sat down. But this time, I did not just sit casually, and without purpose. This time I sat up straight, put my feet flat on the floor, cupped my hands on the end of the armrests, and I held my head high -- like a queen. In that moment I did not doubt my greatness, my divinity, my noble heavenly heritage, or my beauty.

In that moment, while sitting like royalty, I caught a glimpse of something deep inside of me, something eternal -- extending both directions. I felt a surge of energy as I pondered who I was before I came to earth, who I am now, and who I can become. An unknown power flowed through me, and I felt truly confident. I felt of eternal value. I felt like I was extremely important to God. I felt like His daughter. I felt like a queen.

Sometimes as I am going through the daily activities of life, the queen in me can be weighed down with life's seemingly monotonous tasks, and the routine. The deceitful messages of worldly beauty can play tricks on my mind, and burden my heart when I don't measure-up. But all of that "routine" is shaping me into something more glorious than I can even comprehend now. And all of those worldly messages are only an attempt to destroy the true beauty that exists within me. The beauty within can last forever, if I embrace it. It will never diminish with time, but grow more powerful and resilient to the darkness.

God allowed me a glimpse of who I really am.  He showed me that I am divinely beautiful.

He showed me that I am a queen... and so are you.

Let your light shine.

Put aside the insecurities, and become the queen you are meant to be.

The picture is me and my beautiful, bright, sisters. 

Messes and Miracles

Sometimes life is just plain messy. Some days have so many obstacles to overcome, it is almost laughable. The thing is... Dirt is dirty. Problems are pesky. Crud is cruddy. It is a fact that life can be just one darn thing after another. Days are rarely without unexpected disturbances, or unsavory events. Stuff happens. Bad, icky, yucky, nasty, gross, putrid, rotting, revolting, etc., stuff happens. It does! 

However, sometimes messes and miracles can happen on the same day. 

I had such an experience yesterday... 

It was Sunday, a beautiful day full of sunshine, tulips, and blue skies. My morning was going very smoothly. I felt calm, and I was going about my business of getting everyone ready for church in a sweet and motherly way. I had church music playing in the background, and I was not rushing at all. I felt good about teaching my gospel doctrine lesson. I was not nervous. I was prepared, and wanted to teach the material I had studied. I was excited. Everyone was showered, most of the kids had matching socks, the flat iron smoothed out the kinks in my hair, and everyone was peacefully gathered on the couch ready to go. 

It was beautiful. 

All was well in my Zion. 

And then, without warning, I heard a flush in the bathroom that did not sound quite right. I went to investigate, and found the toilet about to overflow with nastiness. I had 5 minutes until I was planning to leave for church. But the mess had to be dealt with and fast! I quickly grabbed the trusty plunger. It is a loyal friend, with our one toilet house. And because I am rather skilled with my plunger-friend, I managed to keep the rising filth from overflowing, just in time. But upon a tested flush, it was not handling the issue with enough gusto to conquer the full clog. I needed something more. 

I had to grab the snake. (An auger.) 

I was fully dressed in my Sunday best, as I went to the garage and found the metal piece of toilet magic. Luckily, I am also quite skilled with an auger -- another close friend -- so I felt confident I could handle it. I had to laugh at myself, as I was trying not to throw-up, while taking care of such a nasty business right before church. If you have handled an auger, you know it can unleash a foul stench. It is all for the greater good, of course, but it is still nauseating to manage. I did my best to keep my hands clean, my breakfast where it belonged, and myself decent for church. I managed to keep my language above the level of the abyss I was staring into. 

I was able to show the toilet who was boss. I cleared the clog, and cleaned the mess. I put away my trusty equipment, and then I thoroughly scrubbed my hands for a very long time -- while feeling proud of the fact that I was able to take care of the dirty business in the bathroom, all by myself. I am sure Charles was laughing at me. 

I went from that disgustingly human and mortal experience, and then a few moments later I was sitting on the front row at church with my family, enveloped in the glow of the Spirit. I was trying to contain my giggles, as I pondered my morning mess and frenzy. All was well and calm for us on the van Ormer row. I bet you regret shaking my hand now though. He, he. 

After Sacrament meeting, I headed to my classroom, where I was able to teach a very uplifting lesson about the Miracles of Christ. It was uplifting because so many people shared their miracles, and it was so powerful for me, and I hope others too. I could have sat and listened to everyone share their experiences of faith and miracles for hours and hours. All we needed was a campfire, the thick smell of pine trees, some marshmallows, and it would have been perfect. The Spirit was strong in the room, and I was able to share some of my recent miraculous experiences, which felt really good. 

As I studied the lesson material about miracles, I was in Heaven. It was wonderful for me. It was such a beautiful topic to study and ponder. I can remember as a little girl, I used to sit at my mother's feet, and ask her to tell me all the miracles that had happened in our family. I would listen with enthusiasm as the room would get brighter and brighter, with the Spirit of God. I have always believed in miracles. I have witnessed so many. 

Miracles are still happening today, everyday. I have seen them. Sometimes -- often times -- they do not come in the way we would have them, or the way we have planned out in our minds. They come about in God's way, and in His time. Sometimes He raises the dead, and sometimes He allows those left behind after death to rise and live again. That is a miracle I can attest to. 

No matter the circumstances we are facing, it is important to look for miracles -- not demand them -- but seek after them. As we keep our minds and hearts open, the reality of miracles will begin to appear before our eyes. Faith can move mountains. I know what that means now. If the desired outcome of your heart does not occur, then that was not meant to be the miracle. But the miracle is ever before you, perhaps on a journey you must take. If you seek it, you will find it. 

Trust God. Completely. 

As Elder Holland has said: Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior's own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead. 

Life is full of messes and miracles. 

Which will you focus on? 

Drink that bitter cup, and be strong... trust in happier days ahead. 

They will come. 

Hope on. Journey on. 

Sammi as Rapunzel

Sammi loves to sing. She is part of the junior high choir, and she enjoys it so much. She recently had the chance to try out for the role of Rapunzel, for an upcoming Disney concert they will be performing. She wanted the part of Rapunzel so badly. She is her very favorite Disney princess. She practiced her little heart out, and did everything she could to prepare for her audition -- including growing her hair out for the past 13 years. :) 

Last week, I was waiting for her to come out of the school after reading the casting results. I was prepared for anything, smiles or tears. I could see her from quite a distance away, and she was running at full force towards the car. I knew immediately she got the part by the stride of her run. It was probably one of the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life. It was pure joy, pure excitement. I imagined her screaming in her head, "This is the BEST DAY EVER!"

She gets to sing the song, "I See the Light." It is a duet. With a boy. With a junior high boy. Not sure how I feel about that! 

I am super excited for Sammi. She will do a wonderful job as Rapunzel, I am sure. She has always been my little princess. She always will be... 

Way to go Sammi Sunshine! 

Feeling the Love

I woke-up feeling kind of gross. I just felt unsettled, and sluggish. It was my first Valentine's day without Charles. I felt that sadness this morning. I did not want to feel it, I was not planning on experiencing it, it was just there. I had to overcome it, and fight against it somehow.

I decided it was time to really clean the house. It had been awhile since we had a really good deep cleansing. We tackled the whole house, and tried to better organize the boy's room. There are three of them in one room, so it can become a frightful mess. We all worked together, and made it happen. The house sparkled, at least for a few hours. I have four children, sparkly-clean house doesn't last long. It was beautiful while it lasted!

The kids went to play basketball at the church with some friends that are family, and I stayed home and watched the RootsTech conference. It was amazing, all of it. I felt super inspired after watching all the speakers, music, and stories. I am already a family history lover, but it just made me happy to see how it is flooding the earth. It reignited my excitement. I had it playing while going about other activities. I would stop and really focus if something caught my attention. So much of it caught my attention!

For the full conference view the video below: (It may not be available for a few days, it was live today.) 

Click here for mobile devices: ROOTSTECH



This is my family history face. I have also started indexing again daily. I just do it right before I go to bed for a few minutes. You are promised you will be protected from the fiery darts of the adversary if you do family history. Yeah, I need that!

I also went out for a run today. It was amazing weather, and I felt awesome running in the sun. I had my Hilary Weeks station playing, I soaked in the sun and the Spirit at the same time. It was just what I needed to fight the fear and replace it with faith. 

Then I made time for the One I love the most -- Heavenly Father. I spent some time at the temple, and it was fabulous. I had a very touching experience. There was a beautiful woman in a wheelchair. She was amazing. I sat with her in the Celestial room, and watched as she cried many tears. After the session I was able to help her a little with some things, and she had such a sparkling personality. As I looked in her eyes, I felt very keenly that she was my sister. She seemed an angel to me. It was an honor to help her even just a little. She was a tremendous example to me of enduring with happiness. She may have thought I was helping her tonight, but really she helped me. I needed her tonight. I love the temple. It's the best. It was the best place to spend Valentine's day. 

I love God more than anyone. Who better to spend the day of love with? 

 I have a collection of flowers still adorning my kitchen from my birthday. I love flowers. I love them even more now than ever. They make me smile.

 The kids got some Valentine's treats from me.

 After the temple I brought home some food. The kids love it when I bring food home. Chips and salsa are a real treat!

 I got myself some beautiful fruit. I love fruit -- yum, yum!

 We found little watermelons in the shape of hearts, it was an unexpected surprise.

We had treats dropped off on our doorstep, and reminders that we are loved.

I hope you felt the love today. 

I know I did.