To the Men Willing to Date the Latter-Day Saint Widow

*This post is very much written for those with an understanding of  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you are not a member of the Church, and it leaves you with many questions, feel free to comment and I will try to answer, or I will do my best to direct you towards the right place for answers, far better than I could give. Please be courteous and respectful with any comments. Thank you! 

Within the first five minutes of our very first phone conversation, I asked him the question.

"How do you feel about the fact that you cannot be sealed to me in the temple, because I am a widow?"

David paused only for a moment, to considered his answer.

"Well, I have not thought too much about it, but I know we have a loving Heavenly Father, who will work all those things out in the end."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my heart pounded at the simple truth of his reply.

David gave the correct answer.

The answer I had been waiting for.

It was the answer that all kind-hearted men should be willing to give, if ever confronted with the same question.

There is a small group of women in the Church, who tragically become widowed, sometimes at a very young age. This leaves them in a very vulnerable position. Sometimes these women were married for a short time without children, or perhaps they have children to care for on their own, as a single mother. Death is often as a thief, stealing years of shared love and joy, without warning.

No matter the cause of death, or the circumstances these women are left in, it is hard, and a heavy load to bear. To lose a spouse is said to be the greatest loss you can experience in this life, because it changes every single aspect of your life. All of the hopes and dreams for the future change with one final breath of death.

But after some time of deep grieving and healing, these brave widowed women often have a desire to date again, and many hope to find love, and marry again.

To love and be loved is what we all long for.

All too often these very worthy, beautiful, Latter-Day Saint widowed women are overlooked, or rejected -- when it comes to dating -- because of a misunderstanding regarding temple sealing.

Currently, women can only be sealed in the temple to one man, in this life. When it comes to Latter-Day Saint dating, this presents a test of faith for those men who might consider dating, and marrying a widow, if she has been sealed to her first husband.

We are raised in the Church to have the temple sealing as our ultimate goal. When we are sealed in the temple, we are bound to each other for time and all eternity, and the marriage has the potential to last forever; if the couple remains true and faithful to God, and each other. Having an eternal marriage with the one that we love, is one of God's greatest gifts to us.

When it comes to dating a widow, the reality that temple sealing is not an option might create a trial of faith. It might be hard to consider love and marriage, with a widow who already has love and marriage, that has been sealed forever.

For those men who consider dating and marrying a widow, they might think they are settling for something less than the eternal blessing that come from the sealing covenant; because they cannot be sealed to her in this life.

But "settling for less" is not true.

If a man turns down a beautiful widowed and worthy daughter of God, simply because she cannot be sealed to him right now; that is wrong. This action shows a lack of faith and understanding in God's eternal plan, and I do not believe it makes God very happy.

Heavenly Father loves his widowed daughters, and He wants them to be loved and cared for.

I asked David the sealing question in the first few minutes of our phone conversation, because I had heard many stories from my widow friends, who were quickly rejected by men, once they asked the spiritually probing question.

When David gave his quick answer to me -- declaring his belief that the details in the next life will all be sorted out by a loving Heavenly Father -- I knew it was true, and I knew he was special to have such unwavering faith, to move forward with me.

He dated me, a widow, with an open heart. He wanted to marry me, despite the fact that our marriage would take place in a park, and it was for time only; rather than the glory of the temple and being sealed for eternity.

Of course I wanted to marry David in the temple, and I would happily be sealed to him and Charles, and then sort those details out in the end; but that is another conversation entirely, that leads to other questions. There are many questions that I do not have the answers to right now. I have my own struggles of understanding certain aspects of how the details of everything will work out; but what I do know, for certain, is that all things will work out for those who love the Lord.

Sometimes my own questions regarding these divine details tempt the fortitude of my faith; but I know what I know, I hold fast to hope, I try to have courage, and I find peace in my Heavenly Father's great love for us. I know it will all work out more beautifully than I can comprehend with my mortal understanding.



Some men might worry that a widow will forever be in love with their first husband. This is a legitimate fear, because the answer is, yes, if she loved him in life, she will love him forever. However, for me, I have come to discover that my love is not limited, and it does not have bounds.



My capacity to love more fully has grown, and my desire to share love with David now, is as strong as my desire was to share love with Charles when he was alive. It often baffles me how I can love again so completely. I try to shower David with all the love my heart has to offer. I love both David and Charles, and one day we will all stand before each other, and God, and we will sort out the details together in an exalted sphere of comprehension and love.

Can I explain any of this with logic?

No.

Can I allow love, and the Lord, to lead the way?

Yes!

My desire is simply to call attention to this issue that some struggle with -- dating and marrying a widow -- it does not have to be an issue.

My dear single and dating Latter-Day Saint men,

Please do not be afraid to date and marry a widow. Do not push her away because of unfounded fears, or lack of faith. If you meet a lovely widowed woman, consider how your Heavenly Father really feels about you offering love to her. The sealing covenant is eternally and vitally important, but you will not be denied any of those blessing by marrying a worthy widow. Your opportunities for Celestial glory and growth will not be inhibited, and your loving relationships will continue on forever.

Have faith my brothers!

Have courage!

President Oaks shared this in his recent General Conference talk:

 (CLICK HERE)

"You are are worried about the wrong things. You should be worried about whether you will get to those places. [Heaven.] Concentrate on that. If you get there, all of it will be more wonderful than you can imagine." 

He went on to say...

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." 

"In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths." 

I am confident that there are special blessings, and glory, for those righteous men who are brave enough to date, marry, and truly love a widow.

I have experienced the blessings of such bravery and faith firsthand, and I am so grateful to have love in my life again.

Do not be afraid men!

Your questions, doubts, and worries will all be made right if you are faithful.

Rise up, shake off your fears, and become who you were born to be...

A loving, courageous, valiant son of God.

We widows need you, my brave brothers.

Do not be afraid to love and be loved.

It is worth it.

The Beauty of Home and Life Improvements

I love the word "Home." We have been doing a lot to our home to make it more accommodating, and more beautiful for all who enter. I have had all these ideas and dreams of things I would like to do to the house. Now that David is here, I feel much more confident going forward with the changes, because of his many skills and capabilities. He has been adding his own ideas and plans, and we have been able to work together to get things done. 

Our current home is pretty special to me. I bought it about a year after Charles died. Before that, our family lived in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom home, with all 6 of us. It was crazy, but it was also simple and sweet. Our family was so close, we managed quite wonderfully in that tight space. 

The little house was filled with memories of Charles, both good and bad. (That is where he unexpectedly dropped to the ground, before he died at the hospital.) The home we are in now is free from any of those memories, and when I bought it, it was like a new beginning for me and the children. The day I walked through this house, I knew, without a doubt, that it was meant to be our home. 

I love our house on the cul-de-sac hill. (Even though our driveway can be CRAZY in the winter time.) 

Because this home has been "just" mine and the kids, it made it easier to have David move in with us, after we got married 6 months ago. We have considered moving somewhere else, we have had all sorts of plans and ideas. But at the end of the day, this house is special and it works well for what we have going on in our family lives, right now. 

I am so grateful for this home that is becoming "ours." It has really made a difference for David to feel like it is his home, as he puts his efforts into improvements. I have really loved working with him to make things better. 

Our latest home change and improvement is a new garage door. (Pictured above.) I love the way the new door looks, and how it changes the whole feel of the exterior of the home. It is funny how one change leads to another, because now I think we need some shutters by the windows, to continue making the home look even more cozy. 

I love cozy. 

I love it when you walk into a home and it "hugs" you with its warmth. 

Warmth and coziness is always my goal. 

Onto the pictures... ! 

Here is the door "before." 

This is the new door.... 

I love it! 

David is super patient when it comes to construction. He has taught the kids some skills along the way.

I just want people to feel loved when they step into our home. It really takes effort to create a special Spirit in a home. It does not take a ridiculous amount of effort, or Pinterest-perfect placement... it just takes love to create the love. I love creating love. :)

Oh how glorious is Heavenly Father's love of this beautiful earth!

He sure knows how to decorate this Earthly home for us to feel His love.

Speaking of love. Here I am loving cookie butter ice cream from the Stil, in downtown Boise. I just found out that there is a shop even closer to home... we will have to get there soon to check it out!

David and I love to go to the Lord's House together. The temple is such a great blessing in our lives. The last time we went with the youth, the temple President said that the temple will be a protection and a blessing in life, but those blessings can "wear out" and so you must come to the temple often to enjoy them. Just like enjoying the blessings of consistent exercise, the more you can frequent the temple, the more your Spirit will be renewed and strengthened, and the greater the joy you can enjoy in life! Jesus is our joy, and so if we want to be close to joy, we should go to Jesus' house.

I saw this and for some reason, it made me laugh.

He, he.

Henry enjoyed creating some monsters.

Here is how Daniel asked Hattie to Homecoming.

I love it when the kids and their friends gather around the piano and sing together. I feel very blessed to be a music mama. Music brings such a powerful warmth into the home.

Candles... I love candles.

David got to work filling in an open doorway into the living room.

I love watching him work... he gets things done.

Here we have Willam standing in front of a cool car. William LOVES cars and mechanical things. His dad also loved cars. I love William, he is such a great boy. He is twelve, but he is so tall, and very calm and mature for his age. The other day William said to me, "You know, I think I am going to be successful one day." I totally agree with him. This boy is something special.

Sammi saw this at the store and got it for me. The question is: Am I the pumpkin, and David is the spice? Or is it the other way around?

More singing...

My parents were in town and the kids put on a full concert for them. Daniel and Nico were practicing some music for their theater competitions. It is a real treat to have these two boys singing in together in our home!

They sang the confrontation song from Les Mis. Nico wasn't quite sure how it went, so he started rapping it, and it was hilarious!

Henry drew a picture of him with Jesus. He has it hanging by his bed. I love how happy Jesus looks. Henry is such a happy boy, and I imagine Henry believes Jesus is very happy, too. I imagine Jesus is very happy with Henry,
Getting ready for the Homecoming dance. Sammi was asked by a Senior, and so she went back into the high school scene for a bit. She said it was the best dance experience she has ever had.

Daniel went with Hattie. They are so cute together. Daniel is quite a dynamic and charismatic guy, and Hattie somehow matches and works with his energy level. It is so fun and crazy to watch as two of my older children date. We talk about all the details of dating a lot. We believe in being sexually pure until marriage, and that can be really hard. I am only 6 months past the same temptations that come with dating too, so I am right there with them and where their intimacy-energy is at. I get it firsthand, therefore I talk openly about all of it. I am grateful my kids do not shy away from my bold discussions about sex. They can be educated by me, or someone else.

Sammi went to Homecoming with Nico... hmmm.. why does his face look familiar?

Ohhhh... that is why... Nico was Cinderella's charming prince! 

Oh my goodness, that show was amazing! And these two had such wonderful chemistry... 

Ahhhh.... 

They were not dating during the show, but they have enjoyed dating each other since the summertime. 

So cute! 

These four together are so fun, and silly. They are in our home often, and I love having them around.

These two are quite the duo.

Kissy-face. One thing I try to emphasize with my children and dating is what you CAN do. There are a lot of guidelines of what not to do, but I like to teach them what is appropriate and good fun! Yes, dating should be FUN!

These kids know how to have fun!

Precious.

My dad was visiting, he went to the store and bought every pumpkin item he could find. He was saying, "I love you THIS much!" I am a lucky daughter and I know it. :)

I got David a Squishmallow pumpkin. He was cuddling it while working from home. He decided to take it to the office, so he could squish it there too.

These things are SO soft and comforting!

Sammi sporting the ultimate in comfort...

This is often what a Sunday afternoon looks like.

Is there anything better than a Sunday nap?

So much to love in this picture!

We went on a walk and took Henry along on his bike. He was so happy to have that kind of attention.

Sammi and I painted some of the walls in our home. She was brave and got up in the hard to reach places.

I am glad she is still around to help with such things.

Yep, this is me.

I love this time of year. It is SO beautiful!

Jumping on the trampoline as "birds."

Here we are -- Daniel, me, and David -- at the temple.

David and I went to the temple with the youth. It was such an awesome experience. I was able to act as a witness to the baptisms (making sure it was a full immersion in the water), for the first time in history. It was so wonderful to look over at the other witness -- a young woman in my Sunday School class -- and I smiled at her and felt this huge wave of excitement and joy!

I love all the changes that are taking place within the Church, as the gospel of Jesus Christ continues to move forward. The concrete doctrines never will change, but there are plenty of things that can, have, and will continue to change in the Church. We believe in modern revelation through a living prophet, who guides us in these latter-days.

I know baptisms for the dead might seem strange to those outside the Church, but it is simply that we go and act as proxy for those who have died. We go into the temple, we change and dress in white, and we are baptized for our ancestors, and others, who never had a chance to accept the gospel of the Savior in this lifetime.

Baptism is one of the ordinances that brings us closer to our Savior. We have to do the ordinance work here in this mortal sphere, where we have physical bodies; but those who have passed on make the choice to accept or reject the ordinances there in the spiritual realm. They do not have to accept the Savior and His gospel; they are completely free to choose.

When we go and do the work for them, we are providing the fundamental ability for them to choose, and that is a beautiful thing! I love being in the temple, there is something so special about serving in the temple.

I love it SO much!!

I especially love being there with the awesome youth.

It is Autumn and the leaves are falling fast! I love this season, but it always seems to end too quickly.

I love this sweet boy of mine!

Sammi gave Henry a haircut. It turned out... interesting? It was her first try, and cutting hair is not easy!

Henry is easy to please though.

 Here we have the garage door being installed.

I love the added light and beauty with the windows in the room.

Daniel had his first choir concert as a member of Encore. It was amazing. The choir teacher is the BEST! And the sound they produce is awesome!

After the concert.

Hattie and Dan.

Sammi and Nico.

After the concert, Daniel walked through our door with a bunch of choir kids behind him. I love how my kids assume it is okay to bring herds of teens into the house at any given time. That is one of the reasons we created "The Cave of Wonders" in the garage. They took their ice cream buckets out there and had a post-concert party.

If you build it, they will come.

These kids are here so much they are starting to feel like family.

I love these people!

The choir concert had a portion where they sang about the process of grieving. It was powerful for me, and beautiful.

These two adorable creatures were once in my tummy! How did my womb fruit get so big?

David and I went on a date to celebrate our first good date together a year ago. Of course, there was ice cream involved. And PF Changs too. Yummy!

This location downtown is where we had our first romantic moment, when I started to feel something for this guy named David. On that date over a year ago, we sat on the bench under the stars and hearts. David turned music on his phone, and the song "Stardust" with Nat King Cole came on. (One of my favorites.) That was the first night we started holding hands, and really connecting. It was fun to go back there and celebrate that moment. 

I love this handsome man!

It was a magical night! 

We walked around downtown and just enjoyed our time out and about. 

We walked by this huge slide, but it was closed. 

 
I love David!

Wow there are lot of pictures with these kiddos... but they are around each other a lot, so this is life right now.

They were being so silly trying to balance this thing.

We took Nico and Hattie with us to visit Charles' grave in Idaho City. We had our "Come Follow Me" lesson out there, we learned about Jesus, and we talked about Charles. We discussed how we can all become "new creatures" like Charles did. Charles joined the Church at age 17, and he went from a total hoodlum, to changing his life completely.

Charles loved Jesus with all his heart, and served Him well until his dying day.

David had us all sit down while he talked about Charles in such a powerful, sweet, gentle way. Watching my husband, David, express beautiful feelings about my husband, Charles, was like something out of a Hallmark movie. Sometimes the moments in my life take my breath away.

We had so much fun creating the room in the garage!

It will take a while to complete it fully, but it is usable. Finding the right furniture for it is a bit tricky.

Christmas is coming!! Next week in our house it will be down with Halloween, and up with the REALLY good stuff! Christmas decorations are just too good to only have out for one month. I cannot wait to pull out all of my Nativity sets, and have even more Jesus in our home! WooHoo!