Life, Learning, and being a Lindquist from Alaska

The harsh hues of Summer are fading forward to Fall. We are on the brink of Autumn, and I am getting excited! Summertime is a harder season for me; I am not a fan of being hot. (Perhaps it is the Alaska-girl in me.) I love the chilly air, the changing colors, and all the glory that comes with the most wonder-fall time of the year! 

It is still really hot, it was almost 100 degrees today. But I can feel it coming. The change -- my favorite change of shades -- from Summer to Fall. Right now, I just long to be surrounded by the adorableness of my chubby, round, orange friends. They are coming... my pretty pumpkin friends are coming! Hooray! 

Here are some random life pictures, to catch up... 

We all enjoy swinging on the hammock in the backyard. There have been many important conversations that have happened on the hammock. There is just something about the swinging motion that soothes the soul. See... look how soothed Daniel and Henry are. ;) 

I still love to run by the river. It tends to be more pleasant, and cooler too. Sometimes I stop and soak in the healing power of nature.

We have done a little bit of painting this summer. We are currently working on converting our garage into a space that will be for creativity, like painting.

We had a pretty sweet storm a few weeks ago. We had to go pick up Daniel from work, since he normally rides his bike. It would have been too crazy and dangerous with all the heavy rain and lightning.

We enjoy our time playing in the river.

We often go out in nature to have our family "Come Follow Me" lessons.

David brought the hammock, so we could relax and have deep discussions at the same time. He is SO cute! :)

The boys played in the shallow water during the lesson. Sometimes the best lessons are taught in more natural settings. Not all serious topics need to be discussed in settled settings. Nature is such a beautiful place to discuss the mysteries of God. William made some great comments while soaking in the river water. 

Sammi is always taking notes. She has stacks of notebooks full of her recordings of life. She is her father's daughter, for sure. He was also an avid journal writer, and record keeper. 

Right where I belong. :) 

We went to the Youngberg family reunion. David went the whole time with his kids, and I went up on Saturday. There are nine Youngberg siblings. David is number six of nine. They are such a good, sweet, loving family. I am so grateful for them. His parents are amazing, so kind, and welcoming. I am still getting used to the sheer number of new people in my world by marrying David. But I was given a blessing not too long ago that said, "Your life will soon be full of people." And, well, it is certainly FULL! 

Look at all those cute Youngberg people! 

The new in-law family dynamic I have with David, is SO different from what I was used to with Charles. Charles' parents were divorced, and he was an only child. His family connections were extremely limited, and he often struggled to connect with his parents and step-parents.

His strained family relationships were a source of great sorrow for Charles throughout his life. His journals are filled with his desires to have better relations with his parents. Both of his parents have now passed away. His dad died about a year after Charles died, and his mom died a few years later. They were relatively young. So, now, they are all together as a family. I am happy that they can hopefully work out some of their struggles together, so they can have peace as a family. It was certainly a struggle here on Earth. Hopefully struggles are easier to work through in the Spirit World.

I love the quote in the picture below...  I believe in the power of forgiveness. Sometimes it is hard to feel it though. Not being willing to forgive can harden the human heart into stone. Freely forgiving can create a heavenly heart flowing with peace. The greatest battlefield of forgiveness is often within our own families. When I married Charles, the man who sealed us in the temple offered only one piece of advice: Always be forgiving.

That advice has vibrated in my heart ever since!

I also love this imagery... "remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes." So good. (I can't remember who wrote this.) 

Speaking of the power of forgiveness, we went to see Les Miserables, the musical. It was phenomenal! The musicians were out-of-this-world, and we all enjoyed the ebbing and flowing of tears raining down our cheeks. I had seen the musical live before, but it was a first for Sammi and Daniel. (And David, too!) The kids were in heaven, as they soaked in the highest-level of vocal talent. Daniel "dreams a dream" of performing Les Mis music in the coming years.

We have been working on converting our garage into a livable, fun, space. We are basically making it a glorified garage with epoxy flooring, and finished walls. It will be a place to play and be creative. When we have David's children over, our house becomes a little tight. And my Daniel is a "gatherer" who loves to have friends over... so we are in need of some additional space for friends and fun.

David was brave and he cut a hole in our house, and inserted a window. He is a man of many talents. He is not afraid to get in there and just get stuff done. He is currently upgrading the electrical, and I am learning about what he can do, and his diligent work ethic. I think it is good for him to work with his hands. He works with his quick mind on the computer as a Data Base Administrator, so he is happy to be constructive and use his hands to be creative in a physical way.

We have had his worked continuously checked by the City permit people.

David and his Dad worked together to get the window in. When I asked David's mom and Dad what he was like as a child, they said he would follow his dad around while he did projects, and he would learn skills that way. Now his dad followed him around, watching him, and advised him as needed. It was sweet watching them work together.

We have a window! Woo!

We try to get outside to play in nature... the river, the hills... we love being outside. Here we have a couple of silly-heads, Daniel and Sammi. They are such a dynamic-duo together.

Here we have Daniel showing off his jean shorts and flamingo shirt. Daniel loves to be eccentric; his dad was the same way. He has started dating, which has been fun! He also just loves to be with friends.

A nighttime hike up the hill.

True love! I feel so fortunate to have found David in this world full of people. We certainly have our fair share of combined challenges, but we both look to the same Source (Heavenly Father) for solutions. We are both stretching and growing by leaps and bounds, learning of love, charity, and forgiveness. One day we will write a book about our adventures, to be sure.

Sweet (and sassy), Sammi Sunshine. She is working as a Nanny, and a substitute for the school district. She has less than a year to prepare for a mission. She is so ready!

I think these two will be friends forever.

Sammi and I made "some" cookies." They were for a party and Sunday School class.

Sometimes, when we gather in the kitchen, everyone goes crazy, and just starts laughing really hard. Sammi has been writing down funny things that we have said during random conversations, and she reread them out loud to us, and we were all dying.

My full-grown babies. :)

Daniel was asked to sing the National Anthem at a School District Activities meeting. He did an awesome job! Daniel is in both choir and theater this year, so we will be attending many performances. He is no longer in band though... he decided to focus on his true passion of singing and acting. I am excited to watch him perform this year!

We attended a concert called,  "Redeemer, an Interfaith Celebration." It was a concert to celebrate our Savior, with others who believe. I mostly enjoyed it, but it did get a little loud at times, for my taste. But I could still feel the Spirit of unity as we gathered together -- from different faiths -- to share our love of the Lord.

There were moments that were just beautiful and fun. I loved it as we all shined our lights together.

David Archuleta was by far the best performer there. He sings with the Spirit, and it was powerful to watch and feel. I had never spent much time listening to him before the concert, but his voice is extremely beautiful and he has so much energy on stage.

Marie Osmond and Alex Boye were also there. It was a treat to watch these performers, for FREE! (We brought food to donate to the food bank as admission.)

There is something magical about being united because of our faith in Jesus. We are all children of God! 

Marie Osmond and a guy named Daniel Emmet.

Here we have Daniel displaying his hard-earned physique. He has lost 60 pounds, and gained muscles! How, you ask? He works out EVERY DAY (except Sunday). He eats chicken (and other meats), veggies, fruit, and sugar-free ice cream. He has just been very disciplined and focused. His desire is to put his best-self forward as he performs in plays and musicals this year. And he says he just wanted to feel good. He has made quite the change, it is SO impressive! He also said he prayed for help to accomplish his goals.

Let's take a look back at a "before" picture... 

And now... AFTER... WooHoo!

Nice work, Dan!

I feel like I am learning high-voltage lessons, about love after loss. I will write more about it later. I thought that I had worked through my grief and sorrow, but new aspects and avenues have been uncovered by getting married. The things I/we have learned will require a separate post. For now, I will just say that grief is not a predictable thing. It can resurface in unexpected ways, at unexpected times. I am grateful that David is understanding, and willing to listen, as I work through strange an unfamiliar emotional territory. Being married to a widow is no easy thing, I am sure. I would love for him to share his side of the story. One day, he said he will. :)

Love is worth the heart-war.

Oh... I love my Sammi girl! I think I might lose it when she leaves next year. We have a special and unique connection, I just adore her!

We were able to attend a Fireside for Newly Married couples. Elder Gong, one of the Apostles, was the main speaker. Much was said by the different speakers, but two things stood out to me.

1. One of the women who spoke said, "If you must suffer, suffer with joy!" I loved how true that statement was. We all suffer, even daily, but if we can look to Christ in our suffering, we can have joy and endure pain at the same time. Another way to say it is that suffering is normal, but joy can be normal, too! I know my heart is in a constant state of suffering vs. joy. When I am strong enough to lean into joy, life is sweeter... for everyone. ;)

2. Elder Gong discussed the concept of "Beauty and the Beast." He said that we all have a beast inside of us (men AND women), but we should seek out, and nurture, the beauty in each other. I love that! I also love that he was not afraid to say that women have "the natural man" in them, too. I know I do! Women can be quite beastly, when they give into the Beast, rather than the Beauty. I am constantly fighting the "natural woman" inside of me! I hope to one day be more beautiful than beastly!

Elder Gong put on an apron and served ice cream for awhile, until a huge line formed and people wanted to shake his hand. David and I got in the line to meet him. He was the sweetest man. So friendly, gentle, and funny!

While we were standing in line to meet Elder Gong, there was a guy who was clearly Security. He kept starring at me. I started to feel weird, like I was doing something wrong. 

And then, the black-suited guy approached me, and said, "I know this is weird, but are you a Lindquist?" I breathed a sigh of relief, and said, "Yes! I am Mari Lindquist!" 

He then let me know he was Byron Grover, from the 6th ward in Alaska. (The ward I was in for my entire childhood.) His mom was my Young Women's leader. He is younger than me, but once he said who he was, I could totally recognize him. 

It was so crazy to run into him at such an event, in such a way. I had to get a picture! 

I finally felt awesome!  

David will often be approached by people from random places who ask if he is a Youngberg. Youngberg's are everywhere, and they are such an awesome family. They have a lot of connections here in Idaho. 

I don't have any family living here. 

So, finally, I got to be recognized and say, "Yes! I am a Lindquist from Alaska!" 

I am sometimes approached, in random places, by people who know me from my blog. I was once recognized at Disneyland of all places! 

But it felt really good to be recognized for who I really am... 

I am a Lindquist from Alaska! :) 

Remarriage is a Beautiful Battleground

We have been married now for almost 4 months. Clearly, with 4 months of experience, this makes me an expert on the subject of remarriage. Since I am so highly qualified, I want to share my wisdom and acquired remarriage expertise with you.

Ha. Ha.

Okay. Let's be real here. I am no expert. In fact, I feel slightly (immensely) vulnerable sharing much of what I have learned up to this point. I am a newlywed novice when it comes to the rigorous realm of remarriage. I am just an infant when it comes to the life lessons that will surely crawl my way, as I live with a new husband, who brings five children along for the journey. I have no clue what adventures and trials lie waiting in the balance of the future.

But, that is exactly why I want to write and share what I have learned, right now, in the beginning.

I do not have decades of knowledge and experiences to glean my remarriage wisdom from. We are now in the trenches. We are just entering this new battleground; a battleground full of unknown emotional monsters and dragons. These beasts are just waiting to breathe fire on our already war-torn widowed and divorced hearts. We have both fought our separate battles of grief and pain, and we carry with us our scars from our previous combat zones.

These heart-scars are freshly stitched up and still healing, but now we soldier on -- much stronger -- together.

We stand together on the front line. We are fresh, exposed, vulnerable, and we are trying so hard to fortify and strengthen our love and relationship, as we face tremendous strain and tests that often catch us off our guard.

We are standing on the edge -- the beginning of an eternal commitment to each other and our families -- and it is often a scary view (for me), if I try and look too far forward. I can become almost paralyzed by what I imagine the future to be, rather than what it will become naturally, one day at a time. I have come to learn that imagination can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be destructive if not tempered with a healthy dose of day-to-day wisdom and a sense of reality.

As I look to the future of our families, I need to remember that I have survived all the days of my life so far, and chances are, I will survive all the rest of them, too. If I do not survive, then I will die. If I die, I will still be alive, because of Jesus, and that is not so bad either.

Isn't Heavenly Father's plan wonderful?

One thing I have learned is that marriage is beautiful, and it is also hard work. It can be really hard work, the second time around. The discussions we have are often book-worthy as our plot thickens, and the characters in our combined worlds continue to have increasingly interesting, and dramatic storylines.

Oh, and let's talk about my new title: "Stepmother." Ugh. I just did a Google search of the word "stepmother," and the first thing that showed up was Cinderella's evil stepmother. Nice. Will someone please, pretty please, write a story about a sparkly-fairy-princess stepmother, who saves the world with love, kindness, and rainbows?

I keep asking David's children to just think of me as more like an Aunt, rather than an evil stepmother. When I mentioned that the first time, his oldest son said, "But that is gross, that means my dad married his sister." Hmmm... the struggle is real. Another one of his children said, "Well, if you are my Aunt, than I have to be your evil nephew." He began to giggle with delight at his own cleverness. I applauded him for that one. Well played child, well played.

With all of the crazy we have to deal with, one of the things that we do to fortify our relationship is studying together. David is also a deep-thinker, and he loves to have deep conversations about everything. I feel blessed to have found such a lovely match with him in that area. He had done a lot of studying before I met him. He made a great effort to heal and grow, and to become a new creature. He has developed and changed so much. I was making a similar effort to become better, and to stay close to Jesus. I am so grateful for the efforts we have both made to get us ready for each other.

Now that we are together, we have new higher-level lessons to learn. Without a companion, I could only grow and develop to a certain level. In marriage you receive a special kind of feedback that does not take place in other relationships. You really get to see all the different aspects and elements of each other: for better, or worse. I have seen areas where I need to improve, places that could not have been uncovered without a companion digging into the deep emotional caverns in my heart. It can be hard, but I am very grateful to have such a loving and supportive companion who is open to learning, and who also wants to learn and grow along with me.

We have recently started using a marriage resource guide put out by the Church. It is called "Strengthening Marriage." We have found it very helpful, insightful, and wonderful! It is short, sweet, and straightforward. I highly recommend it for everyone to read through, whether you are in a relationship, or not. The short guide helps to really see yourself, and helps to take a hard look at your own patterns and behaviors that might need some improvement. It can help you in all the different relationships of life.

Click HERE for the resource guide.

It really is awesome! Read it!

My personal tip while reading through this guide is to take your finger, and point it towards yourself. I know, hard to do! While going through the material, do not look at it wishing your companion would fix this-or-that about themselves, look at it wondering how YOU can do better in the relationship.

I have been doing this myself, and I can see areas where I very much need to grow and improve. There is a section on anger management, and I can see some passive areas that I need to mop up within myself. I am not above improvement! It is not easy to be open to such hard introspection of oneself, but in a relationship where it takes two people working together, it is crucial to be able to see yourself, and the part that you play as a peacemaker, or a peace-taker.

We all have room for improvement, I am sure!

What is possible in marriage is extraordinary. I lived without being married for five years as a widow, and I know the difference between single and married life. Marriage takes sacrifice. I repeat, marriage is HARD WORK. But the work is so worth it. There is no relationship as precious and valuable as the love shared between husband and wife. It is such a sacred space, where deep, heavenly, learning takes place.

I am grateful for the resources that are available to help strengthen the marriage relationship. I never expected to walk into marriage a second time. My first marriage with Charles was on a beautiful path that I loved and cherished so much. I never thought I would be without him in this life. And now, after a very short time together, I cannot imagine my life without my sweet David by my side. I can see how clearly he was meant for me, and I have been prepared for him too. God prepared a way for us to find each other, and I cannot even begin to express my gratitude.

I do not know how things will work out in the eternities, as far as who I will end up with (Charles or David) forever. That is too far beyond my comprehension of eternal matters. I do know that Heavenly Father knows those things, and so I will rely on Him to work those things out.

In the meantime, I cherish the memory of Charles, the covenants we made, and I love David with all of the capacity of my heart right now. I do not see David as the man who is walking me back to Charles, that is a ridiculous notion to me. I love David with all the love I have to offer, he is my husband, and I love and adore him fully, without limits. If ever the rules change, and I can be sealed to David in the temple, we will run to the temple as fast as we can! If the sealing can't happen in this lifetime, my children said they will take care of it for us. Yes, that is how much they love David.

As I walk through this journey of life, after losing my beloved first husband; living as a single mom of four children for five years; getting remarried again to a man I absolutely adore; being a stepmother (Aunt Mari) to five more children; and entering the world of hundreds of new Youngberg in-laws, I sometimes have to wonder what God wants me to learn from all of these unexpected experiences.

The thing is, I know the answer.

The answer is simple, yet complex:

God wants me to learn how to love.

He does not want me to learn how to love just a little.

He needs me to learn how to love a lot.

I can almost feel the stretch-marks forming on my heart, as the capacity to carry my maximum heart-load continues to stretch and grow.

God has given me a lot of people to love, on this beautiful battleground called remarriage.

I hope my heart can handle it!