I have been thinking a lot about empathy lately. My mind and heart have been swirling with thoughts and feelings on the subject. My thoughts won't leave me alone, so I thought I better write them down, and get them out of my head!
Life can be very hard. There are times when life can seem almost intolerable. (Or even completely intolerable!) I know this from my own experiences, and from the experiences of others.
I was recently reminded of this during a Relief Society lesson that discussed enduring to the end. It was a great lesson, and during the course of discussion the subject of depression came up. There were many who shared there feelings and experiences they have gone through -- their struggles with "dark times". There were many tears, and a spirit of understanding in the room -- that is why Relief Society is so great.
As I listened to the ladies share their feelings, my heart ached, and tears fell. My heart filled with empathy for those who shared their stories. I have had difficult and dark times in my own life. My difficult times ebb and flow, along with light and happy times. I like to think of my life as a life full of light and hope, but I have been there too -- seemingly left in the darkness all alone -- with only my Heavenly Father to turn to for understanding.
I am pretty sure we have all been there, at some point -- just hoping and praying for a light at the end of the tunnel. There are so many things that can take us to that place of gloom and sadness: financial concerns, family/children concerns, insecurities, feeling alone, body image concerns, a lack of hope for the future, comparing ourselves to others, severe pain, sickness, stress, lack of sleep, feeling overwhelmed, etc, etc.
When we are in the thick of thick things, it can be hard to see which way is up!
But even though I have had my own difficult and trying times (and I am certain to endure more in the future!), I have found that I am not the best at showing empathy towards others through my actions, and words. It is not from a lack of empathy in my heart. If you were to look inside the deep caverns of my soul, you would see that it is quite overflowing with love and compassion for my fellowman -- especially those who suffer. I actually had a special blessing given to me about having a "loving heart, and Christlike spirit". Sometimes I just wish I could open me up, and expose the true sweetness of my soul! Then the love that I feel could be seen by others, and I would not be misunderstand.
I suppose I have a squishy-core, but I have grown thick-skin over the years. Even as a child my own personal motto for myself was, "deal with it!" (I know, so heart-warming!) But sometimes "deal with it" is the farthest thing from helpful, to others, and even to myself! (Think having Jillian from The Biggest Loser yelling at you in your head -- that can be my inner-dialogue sometimes. "Are you barfing, are you dying, did your leg fall off? Then keep moving!") Sometimes we do indeed need to pull up our big-girl pants and keep moving, and other times, well, we just need a hug!
I was raised to be tough through my trials. And not just tough, but happy too. I was raised by a mother who did not complain, she dealt with it smiling, whatever "it" was. My mother never showed me signs of insecurity, or doubt -- she is made of strong stuff, my mother is. And my dad's motto was always, "it will all work out." And I have learned that somehow, it always does. Both my mother and father seem to maneuver through hard things with faith and confidence that things will work out, and for the best. They had trials enough to cause the weak to crumble, but they have not just endured life, they have enjoyed it! I am so grateful for their example!
I don't believe that life has to be a drudgery spent in darkness. I have to believe that happiness and joy are within our grasp! Once you give into despair, it is hard to find the light again. Jesus is that light. And it is Jesus that I cling to through the good and the bad.
I know I have a lot to learn about empathy. I am trying to learn the proper responses when someone is struggling and needs comfort. (There is a right way to comfort someone!) I have been making a study of it lately, because it is an area in which I lack. Mostly I have uncovered that people just want you to listen, and understand. People need a shoulder to cry on when they are low. I know I do. It also helps when you receive little things like notes, flowers, treats, etc. They can surely brighten a bad day, and help someone feel loved. Empathy and love involve action -- letting people know that you really care!
I am grateful for my thick skin, sometimes. But I have been learning that I need to soften-up a little here and there, and be more free with my love, hugs, tears, friendships, and genuine kindness. I may feel those things on the inside, but if I don't show them on the outside, what good am I?
Love, family, and strong friendships are really what life is all about. People need people. People need love! People need hope! When times seem dark and dreary, there is no reason to lose hope. There is always hope. That is a gift from Jesus Christ, our Savior. We need to cling to him. He is our Brother, our Savior, our Friend.
I asked myself the question: What would Jesus do when we are low, and depressed?
He would embrace us, and he would cry with us.
Jesus is our greatest friend. And our greatest example.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen
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