The Birth of Our First and Last Baby

I was scared to give birth again. I was just a few weeks away from turning 41, when Johnathan was scheduled to make his earth-entrance debut. I have given birth four times, but it had been more than 8 years since I had given birth, and my memories from my last experience still haunted me. It was a very hard delivery with my Henry, and I particularly remember feeling the "ring of fire" in an intense way. I began to live in fear of that fire this time, worried that it might consume me with pain, especially being at such an "advanced maternal age." 

But, the "ring of fire" never came while delivering Johnathan. 

David and I arrived at the hospital on a Thursday night, January 21st. I was schedule to be induced, and the day before, at the doctor's office, they had stripped my membranes. That act helped put me into a natural laboring process. By the time I arrived at the hospital at 9pm at night, my body was already starting to prepare to give birth, without the help of Pitocin. 

We made our way to The Birth Place, where they hooked me up to machines, and helped me get set up for sleeping that night, while watching my progress along the way. David got settled on the hospital couch next to me. He also unloaded our bounty of food that we brought with us to the hospital. We had everything from sandwich stuff, ice cream, Peanut M&Ms, and even fresh berries, and it was so wonderful to have our own stash of yummy treats to help us get through our hospital stay. The hospital food was tolerable, but it was so nice to have prepared our own snacks, something I had never done before. 

It was a long night trying to sleep on a hospital bed hooked up to machines, but it was not unpleasant. I was able to relax and rest to some degree. David slept solidly, sometimes waking up wondering where he was. It was peaceful there in the hospital somehow, I felt calm and comforted. It was kind of nice starting the process at night, in a relaxing way. 

The hospital we were at had someone who read a scripture or spiritual thought each night, over the intercom. That was very comforting and the thought for our night was to not be afraid and trust in the Lord. Tears filled my eyes, as it felt the message was just for me, to help calm my fears. 

During the course of the night, I was contracting very steadily, but they waited until morning and broke my water and started me on very low Pitocin, to get things progressing. In the morning my body started responding more and more. 

It was getting real. 

After laboring through the night, more active laboring started happening on Friday morning. I asked for an epidural as soon as I started feeling contractions in a painful way. Once I got to that point, I wanted to do everything I could to avoid any horrid pain like I had experienced with previous births. I have done birthing both all natural, and with an epidural, but by the time I went into delivery each time, I recall feeling all the burning pain that comes with pushing a baby into the world. 

I was all about getting that epidural in as soon as possible. This time it wasn't about being tough and powering through it with guts and glory, like I had done before. No, this time I wanted as little pain as possible! 

David held my legs, while they shoved the epidural needle up my back. After getting that fun stuff all situated, and laying back down, it did not take long until I felt kind of strange, like I might pass out. My blood pressure dropped, and I told the nurse that something was wrong. They called the anesthesiologist back in the room really fast, and she tested to see if I could feel cold on different parts of my body, to make sure that it was not climbing up too high into my chest. After a bit of time, my body relaxed and I felt better again. It was a scary moment for me, to feel so strange in my body and my head. The nurse said she thinks I may have experienced an adrenaline rush from the shock of the the epidural in my body. It was a little scary for me, but it did not last too long. Thank goodness. 

I still felt the contractions, even with the epidural, and they were painful, but not as bad as without it. When the pain became the most continuously intense, the sun came through the window, bursting forth like a warm fire onto my face. The light was so bright it was as if a portal to Heaven had opened in the hospital room. It was a particularly lovely miracle during the most painful of moments, especially since Spokane had been cloudy and gloomy for days on end, with no sun insight. 

The Light in that moment was, no doubt, a gift from God. 

With the sun shining on my body, and into my soul, I felt comforted, and even guided by angels. I felt as though I was taught how to breathe my way through the pain, with each contraction. I had prayed that my grandma, Nan, would be with me, and her mother, Embell. They had each given birth many times, and Embell helped deliver babies too. I could feel their loving presence with me in that room. And I could hear angelic whispers of what I should do, and how I should do it. 

I was very much in an out-of-body space. I was in a place that hovered between the hospital room and Heaven. In this space, I felt inspired to breathe in such a way, that when a contraction would start coming -- and when everything started closing in and clenching into fire inside of me -- I would then breathe slow and hard towards the pain, as if my breath was fighting the contractions in a fierce yet focused battle.

The contraction would grow and fill my stomach, and I would make a contraction shrink by pushing against it, by blowing it away with big, long, deep breaths, pushing right into it, like my breath was a fire extinguisher putting out the flames scorching the inside of me. 

Somehow, the concept of my breath battling the contractions, helped me to keep the focused breathing continuing until the time for delivery came. I tuned out absolutely everything else, except for the power of my breath. The entire time I was in active intense labor, breathing like a Yoga master, I had the sun wrapping me in a weighted blanket of light, peace, and power. 

The power and strength and comfort, was clearly coming from the other side of Heaven. The epidural was wonderful at taking the edge off, but there was something more at work inside of me. 

During my focused breathing, David was always there, helping me with everything. He continuously put wet washcloths on my forehead, and kept ice chips in my mouth, as I requested. He did not miss a beat, and it was extremely comforting to know he was still taking care of my mortal body, while I had to go more inwards to make it through the pain. This process went on for hours and hours. David never wavered and he was certainly my hero. It is so hard for the men to stand by and watch their women in so much pain, feeling so helpless. David did everything he could to help, and I could feel his love for me, as he did everything and anything that was needed. 

While in my breathing battle, that lasted until Friday afternoon, a nurse came to check my progress. I had completely dilated all the way. But I did not want to push yet. My doctor encouraged that if I could hold out for 30 more minutes, before starting to push, then gravity would be able to do most of the work when it came time. So, I turned on my left side, I held onto the bed handles, and I drifted in and out of wanting to push the baby out, to also wanting to sleep and avoid pushing at all costs. I did not want to feel the real fire that I remembered from before. 

I could hear a new commotion happening around me, but I mostly kept my eyes closed tightly, because keeping them open was too much to take in. The nurses began preparing the room for the doctor to arrive for the final showdown. The room began to fill with women, all with different child-birthing prep-tasks. 

Finally, they came to preparing me. They asked me sit up, and they began ripping away my pillows and blankets, so that I could sit up and transform the bed into a baby-catching surface. I was definitely uncomfortable, but it was not the excruciating pain I remember from births experienced before. I was told that I could keep pressing the epidural button as often as I wanted, to release more pain relief, and so I had David set a timer for every 15 minutes as allowed, and we would just keep pressing that button for relief. It seemed to really do the trick. By the time pushing time came, I was still not desperate to push. 

The doctor came into the room and said it was time, ready or not. 

So, I sat up, still not really feeling like I needed to push too badly, but since she said it was time, I believed her. David got in position holding one of my legs, and I was told to grab underneath my thighs and pull them back. 

The doctor reminded me how to push a baby out, and she said that on the count of 3, she wanted me to push. 

"PUSH!" the doctor said, with confidence in me and gravity. 

"I can see the head," she said. 

I could not believe it, because I didn't feel any pain, at all. 

"Push again, like you mean it," the doctor demanded kindly. 

I pushed again. Did I mean it? I couldn't feel a thing. 

"The shoulders are out." 

Are you kidding me? I was shocked. I mean, how?  

"This time you need to give it all you have got." 

I pushed again, with everything that I had, I think? But it still felt like there was no way a baby was coming out of my body with such ease...

"He is here!" 

And out came a fresh angel baby, Johnathan. 

They placed him on my chest, and I stared at him, looking him over, to see if he looked familiar. This unexpected baby, felt like he was meant to be expected. He was meant to come to us, to be with us, to be part of our family. 

He was no accident. 

Johnathan was on purpose. 

I still cannot believe that it only took three pushes, and maybe 2-3 minutes to push him into this world. 

I never felt the dreaded burning during delivery, and there was no "ring of fire" 

Hallelujah! 

It was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had. 

I was able to push a baby out of my body, without pain? 

It was a miracle. 

I was so afraid of the pain that might come from giving birth, but that pain never came this time. 

Johnathan came. 

And with him came more light into our world, and our family. 

He is truly a gift from God. 

Here I am after checking into the hospital. 

Going into the zone. 

I brought this Mickey stuffed animal to hold and squeeze when needed. He was just so soft and the perfect thing to hold. Mickey is a symbol that by small and simple things, great things are brought to pass. :) 

The light that was shining through my window. 

He is here! 

Such a sweet baby. 9lbs 8 ounces. 

Precious boy. 

David and Johnathan. 

I never could have dreamed of the life I live now, with a new husband and a new baby. 

Meeting Johnathan for the first time. 

So much love. 

Sure these kids might have a different daddy than the baby, but when it comes down to it, we all have the same Father... Heavenly Father. 

Where there is new life, there is new hope. 

Johnathan Van Youngberg was born on 1/22/21. 

I have four children, and David has five. 

Johnathan makes 10 children between the two of us.   

May Heaven help us!