Healing is a Daily Feeling

I have been through some stuff. I have learned a lot of interesting things by shoveling my way through the piles of life *stuff.*  I know that I will never stop learning new things as life continues to ebb and flow and change. I am so grateful for my blog, so I can look back and see how much I have grown and learned over the years. And I know that in years to come, my perspective will just continue changing and expanding with time and experiences. 

It is kind of a beautiful thing... learning and growing. That is what this life is about! 

One thing I have had on my mind lately is how healing is not an event... it is a daily feeling. 

It has been 9 years since my Charles died... am I done healing from grief... yet? 

Nope. 

And I never will be "done" with grief. 

That is because I will never stop feeling love for him. 

I am now going through a painful divorce, which should be finalized very soon. 

Will I feel healed from that trauma instantly, once it is final?

Nope. 

It will take time and daily efforts. 

It will take doing simple things that help me to feel healing... daily healing. 

And by "daily healing," I mean doing really small and tiny things, deliberately.  

For example, yesterday, I went and got my favorite pumpkin bread from Great Harvest Bread Company. It is amazing. When I ate it, I felt all these wonderful memories come flooding into my heart and mind and it was a moment of pure pumpkin-bread joy. 

It was so simple, such a small and simple thing... but it was HEALING for me in that moment, and my children that I shared it with. There is just something about pumpkin flavor that holds memory so powerfully. Pumpkins are magical. Just ask Cinderella... she knows, pumpkins can make the impossible possible. ;) 

I have also finally started running again. Yay! When I make the choice to get out there, it is about the way I feel THAT DAY. And that is when the healing occurs, when I go out and chase that "running healing feeling." I don't need to chase or train for a marathon for that magical runners-high feeling, I just have to get out there, and snatch up some of those yummy endorphins and allow them to permeate my body full of healing for the day. Sometimes it is walking... or just getting outside to breathe fresh air. 

I have been watching home improvement shows, they make me happy and give me ideas of things I can do to make my home more enjoyable. It is a simple thing, but I love it... doing things you love is healing! 

I listen to good music. I know for me, music can change my mood SO fast. If the house is quiet, and things feel a little off, all I have to do is turn on Nat King Cole or Louis Armstrong (they will be the soundtrack playing in Heaven) and heart-healing moments start taking the place of other not-so-good feelings. Music... what a wonderfully fabulous way to feel healing, and change a mood. 

I listened to a song while driving in the car today called Gethsemane by Kenneth Cope, it was a song about Jesus, and it was so beautiful I just had tears pouring down my cheeks. It was... you guessed it... healing. 

I love to read from The Book of Mormon daily. It is such a small thing, a simple effort that fills me full of hope, light, truth, and Jesus. Nothing is more daily healing than Jesus! He is everything! 

Prayer is such a powerful source of healing. I pray all the time. I pray when I run, when I drive, when I lay in bed, when I am outside, when I am doing all sorts of things... I just love talking to God. He is my Father. That connection with Him is my lifeline, and always will be. 

This world is getting interesting. No one is exempt from trials and trauma and heartache. 

Healing is needed. Daily healing is needed. 

So... the depressing looking picture above... why? Why did I use that one? 

It was taken during one of the most distressing and challenging moments I have experienced in my whole life so far. It was gut-wrenching and my heart was heavy, and my eyes were full of unrestrained tears, and I wanted to capture it, so I would not forget the horrible feeling. 

Tears... they can be healing too. Really healing. 

I have learned that trying to hold back feelings like grief and sadness and heartache, just causes anxiety and distress. Let the tears and feelings come, and be honest about them. 

Honest tears feel way better than fake smiles. 

Healing is hard... but it doesn't have to be HUGE. 

Simple daily efforts is how healing is felt. 

You cannot heal yesterday's grief or tomorrow's pain by what you today. 

But you can do healing things today, that make today feel better for your soul. 

Healing is a feeling, not an event. 

Feel that "healing feeling" by doing the simple things that make you feel better, each day. 

That's what I am trying to do. 

Here are some simple daily healing pics... 

I went outside and watched the moon rise over the hill. It was gorgeous! 

Easter Sunday. Church was filled with beautiful music about the Savior. I cried SO hard. 

Smiling with Johnathan... he is a joy. He is a little miracle. 

Sleeping with Johnathan. He likes to take a nap in my bed, and he likes me to sing him to sleep. 

Running in a storm. I love storms! No thunder and lightning yet, but hopefully soon! 

A rainbow! My favorite! I am always so happy to see a rainbow. 

Gorgeous sunset. 

I love Spokane. 

Spring is finally showing its beauty. I try to appreciate the small things like flowers shining in the sunlight. 

Life is emerging! 

Going for a ride on William's back. Johnathan loves being up high. 

Johnathan showing me piles of tiny rocks. He helps me see life in its simplicity. When was the last time you held a pile of rocks in your hands and just examined them? It was... healing. ;) 

Hammocks... are heavenly. 

I have been playing catch outside with the boys... it is healing... but also it hurts, they are strong! 

Multitasking. 

We have been going out walking/running as a family. I love my boys! William pushes the stroller, because he is preparing for the Pioneer Youth Trek this summer! Yay! I love Trek. 

I have never seen so many ladybugs in my life! It was amazing! They are supposed to bring good luck, right? 

He loves to find his way into my bed. I am grateful to have him to snuggle. 

William is such a wonderful big brother. He takes care of Johnathan so beautifully. 

Johnathan is so funny, he just loves to look at life from different perspectives. Mostly upside-down. 

Such a good helper! 

I got to FaceTime while Daniel gathered his group of Nauvoo Missionaries for a music night. It is always so great to hear them sing and be together! He is super excited to go back for round two of Nauvoo! 

My sister Kary joined in too. :) 

Pumpkin bread for breakfast! Yay! 

A late evening run and sunset. 

And here is Sammi, because she is cute. 

My running shoes... may they help me invite healing daily. 

Onward... ever onward. :)