DISCLAIMER

This blog is where I record a limited depiction of my feelings, family, and faith. My blog was recently under intense scrutiny, and so I feel this disclaimer is necessary. I try to tell my story as openly as I can, but this blog represents a cropped and narrow-viewed version of my story -- like all social media -- it is NOT the full story. Many events happen behind the scenes that are not recorded or written about, due to the sensitive nature of others involved. Life has many layers. Many layers can be shared and many cannot, and this blog is simply a layer of my life that I allow others to view, but it is not an accurate depiction of all the layers of my life.

Death, Judgement, and the Time that is Given to Us

I belong to a Facebook support group for widows. It is a place where those who have lost a spouse can go to receive support and encouragement; it is also a safe place to vent the hard grief-filled feelings that others might not understand.

I have learned so much from my fellow widows and widowers over the years, and I am grateful to have had access to so many, who have shared such difficult life experiences. It is such a blessing to be able to connect with others, who walk a similar path in life.

Sometimes in this sacred widow-filled space, questions are asked, or feelings are expressed, that are very hard and heartbreaking. I have been there in that space myself, searching, pleading, and begging for answers. I have felt and asked those hard questions repeatedly, over the course of my journey. There have been times, when I have asked my questions out loud, and other times my questions remain quaking in the fault lines of my heart.

One question that comes up often, and repeatedly, is simply, "Why?" 

Asking "why" is such a powerful and profound question. But I have learned that asking why can sometimes leave a gapping hole in the heart, that cannot be filled with continuous question marks.

What I have found, is that often peace comes from letting go of the question. It is not an easy thing to do, to let go of the need to know. In fact, it can feel torturous at times, to live with unanswered questions. As mortal beings, we want to know things. Believing can feel like too much for God to ask of us. Living by faith can feel like a harder path; but once you let go of the need to know, it is the more excellent way.

We are here to believe, to have faith.

It is kind of the point of earth life.

We are born to believe!

Some of the questions I have heard often -- including from myself -- have been:

Why do good people die, when others who are "not-so-good" still live? 

Why do some die far too young, while others get to live out their lives with arms full of grandchildren, and heads covered with grey hair? 

Why do some people suffer tragic terminal illnesses, and others die unexpectedly? 

Why was I left behind to suffer? 

Why are my children left without a father, or mother? 

Why me? Why now? 

Why God? Oh why? 

I have been pondering these questions a bit lately.

In my pondering, I found a beautiful yet simple answer, from the story The Lord of the Rings. In the middle of a very treacherous journey, Gandalf spoke to Frodo about judging who deserves life and death. Here is the short, yet powerful, dialogue...

Gandalf: "Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Do not be too eager to deal out death and judgement. Even the very wise cannot see all ends....

Frodo: "I wish none of this had happened."

Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." 

The raw answers to the many "why?" questions of life, will likely not change the course of the past. The past is over, it is gone, and complete. Spinning spiritually on a hamster-wheel of whys, won't bring back the dead. But if asking "why?" can be a question that is placed towards the course and direction of the future, I believe therein lies the beautiful answer, and places us on the path to future joy and happiness.

I believe, for those of us who are still living on the earth, we can determine the answers to our own questions, by the choices we make going forward.

With God's heavenly help, we can change our question marks into exclamation points!

If you are alive today, make the "why me?" question count!

All you have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to you.

Leave the rest to God, and take solace in Jesus.

God is not the keeper of unanswered questions:

He is The Answer.

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