To the Men Willing to Date the Latter-Day Saint Widow

*This post is very much written for those with an understanding of  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you are not a member of the Church, and it leaves you with many questions, feel free to comment and I will try to answer, or I will do my best to direct you towards the right place for answers, far better than I could give. Please be courteous and respectful with any comments. Thank you! 

Within the first five minutes of our very first phone conversation, I asked him the question.

"How do you feel about the fact that you cannot be sealed to me in the temple, because I am a widow?"

David paused only for a moment, to considered his answer.

"Well, I have not thought too much about it, but I know we have a loving Heavenly Father, who will work all those things out in the end."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my heart pounded at the simple truth of his reply.

David gave the correct answer.

The answer I had been waiting for.

It was the answer that all kind-hearted men should be willing to give, if ever confronted with the same question.

There is a small group of women in the Church, who tragically become widowed, sometimes at a very young age. This leaves them in a very vulnerable position. Sometimes these women were married for a short time without children, or perhaps they have children to care for on their own, as a single mother. Death is often as a thief, stealing years of shared love and joy, without warning.

No matter the cause of death, or the circumstances these women are left in, it is hard, and a heavy load to bear. To lose a spouse is said to be the greatest loss you can experience in this life, because it changes every single aspect of your life. All of the hopes and dreams for the future change with one final breath of death.

But after some time of deep grieving and healing, these brave widowed women often have a desire to date again, and many hope to find love, and marry again.

To love and be loved is what we all long for.

All too often these very worthy, beautiful, Latter-Day Saint widowed women are overlooked, or rejected -- when it comes to dating -- because of a misunderstanding regarding temple sealing.

Currently, women can only be sealed in the temple to one man, in this life. When it comes to Latter-Day Saint dating, this presents a test of faith for those men who might consider dating, and marrying a widow, if she has been sealed to her first husband.

We are raised in the Church to have the temple sealing as our ultimate goal. When we are sealed in the temple, we are bound to each other for time and all eternity, and the marriage has the potential to last forever; if the couple remains true and faithful to God, and each other. Having an eternal marriage with the one that we love, is one of God's greatest gifts to us.

When it comes to dating a widow, the reality that temple sealing is not an option might create a trial of faith. It might be hard to consider love and marriage, with a widow who already has love and marriage, that has been sealed forever.

For those men who consider dating and marrying a widow, they might think they are settling for something less than the eternal blessing that come from the sealing covenant; because they cannot be sealed to her in this life.

But "settling for less" is not true.

If a man turns down a beautiful widowed and worthy daughter of God, simply because she cannot be sealed to him right now; that is wrong. This action shows a lack of faith and understanding in God's eternal plan, and I do not believe it makes God very happy.

Heavenly Father loves his widowed daughters, and He wants them to be loved and cared for.

I asked David the sealing question in the first few minutes of our phone conversation, because I had heard many stories from my widow friends, who were quickly rejected by men, once they asked the spiritually probing question.

When David gave his quick answer to me -- declaring his belief that the details in the next life will all be sorted out by a loving Heavenly Father -- I knew it was true, and I knew he was special to have such unwavering faith, to move forward with me.

He dated me, a widow, with an open heart. He wanted to marry me, despite the fact that our marriage would take place in a park, and it was for time only; rather than the glory of the temple and being sealed for eternity.

Of course I wanted to marry David in the temple, and I would happily be sealed to him and Charles, and then sort those details out in the end; but that is another conversation entirely, that leads to other questions. There are many questions that I do not have the answers to right now. I have my own struggles of understanding certain aspects of how the details of everything will work out; but what I do know, for certain, is that all things will work out for those who love the Lord.

Sometimes my own questions regarding these divine details tempt the fortitude of my faith; but I know what I know, I hold fast to hope, I try to have courage, and I find peace in my Heavenly Father's great love for us. I know it will all work out more beautifully than I can comprehend with my mortal understanding.



Some men might worry that a widow will forever be in love with their first husband. This is a legitimate fear, because the answer is, yes, if she loved him in life, she will love him forever. However, for me, I have come to discover that my love is not limited, and it does not have bounds.



My capacity to love more fully has grown, and my desire to share love with David now, is as strong as my desire was to share love with Charles when he was alive. It often baffles me how I can love again so completely. I try to shower David with all the love my heart has to offer. I love both David and Charles, and one day we will all stand before each other, and God, and we will sort out the details together in an exalted sphere of comprehension and love.

Can I explain any of this with logic?

No.

Can I allow love, and the Lord, to lead the way?

Yes!

My desire is simply to call attention to this issue that some struggle with -- dating and marrying a widow -- it does not have to be an issue.

My dear single and dating Latter-Day Saint men,

Please do not be afraid to date and marry a widow. Do not push her away because of unfounded fears, or lack of faith. If you meet a lovely widowed woman, consider how your Heavenly Father really feels about you offering love to her. The sealing covenant is eternally and vitally important, but you will not be denied any of those blessing by marrying a worthy widow. Your opportunities for Celestial glory and growth will not be inhibited, and your loving relationships will continue on forever.

Have faith my brothers!

Have courage!

President Oaks shared this in his recent General Conference talk:

 (CLICK HERE)

"You are are worried about the wrong things. You should be worried about whether you will get to those places. [Heaven.] Concentrate on that. If you get there, all of it will be more wonderful than you can imagine." 

He went on to say...

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." 

"In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths." 

I am confident that there are special blessings, and glory, for those righteous men who are brave enough to date, marry, and truly love a widow.

I have experienced the blessings of such bravery and faith firsthand, and I am so grateful to have love in my life again.

Do not be afraid men!

Your questions, doubts, and worries will all be made right if you are faithful.

Rise up, shake off your fears, and become who you were born to be...

A loving, courageous, valiant son of God.

We widows need you, my brave brothers.

Do not be afraid to love and be loved.

It is worth it.