DISCLAIMER

This blog is where I record a limited depiction of my feelings, family, and faith. My blog was recently under intense scrutiny, and so I feel this disclaimer is necessary. I try to tell my story as openly as I can, but this blog represents a cropped and narrow-viewed version of my story -- like all social media -- it is NOT the full story. Many events happen behind the scenes that are not recorded or written about, due to the sensitive nature of others involved. Life has many layers. Many layers can be shared and many cannot, and this blog is simply a layer of my life that I allow others to view, but it is not an accurate depiction of all the layers of my life.

Do you love your body?

I love my body. No, really, I do. No, really, really, really, I do.

Before we came to Earth we lived in a world without our physical bodies. We were spirits. And what we wanted -- more than anything else -- was to have a physical body. We knew we would face pain, sorrow, temptation, illness, and death, but we wanted a body anyway.

To think we shouted for joy at the chance to live trapped in our mortal frame seems strange sometimes. Especially when earth life can be fraught with so much discomfort and pain. In times of great trial, or sorrow, I ask myself, "I wanted THIS?"

Yes. Yes I did. And yes I do.

I wanted THIS body? Yes, even the one I have now -- in its feeble, non-perfect form. Indeed, I do want what I have been blessed with, and what I have is a beautiful gift from God. Even though I am covered in an extra layer of "fluff" on my frame, I can still feel that my body is a treasure -- something I should be extraordinarily grateful for. My body has done so much for me, including bearing the bodies of my babies. I should give it a big hug and say, "Thank you!" My body is something I should take care of in earnest, and with a sense of devotion, and gratitude.

Everyday the scale fluctuates, proving that my super-hero power is the ability to shape-shift. This man-made machine determines my worldly-worth with a digital flashing number. If it is up, I am down. If it is down, I am up. I am convinced that whoever created the scale -- and the mirror -- had some evil plan to create vanity and destroy peace of mind. Just imagine if we did not have these devices. Perhaps vanity would not be quite so rampant, and we would be able to look outward towards others, rather than at the reflection in the mirror -- picking our physical selves into little vain pieces.

I have started a journey to better health. But it is not based on vanity, and pride. (Well, maybe a little vanity, but just a little, is that OK?) Really, my journey is based on a desire to feel the best I can in my mortal husk. I am not looking to become a super-model, or to rock a bathing suit. No, that will never happen. I just want to take better care of the body that God has given me. I do not think He is pleased with me, when I thoughtlessly do things to destroy my health and happiness.

It does not matter what size and shape we are either. Some of us have bigger "gifts" than others. Some of us mortals are frail and weak. Some of us have debilitating illness and pain. Some of us can't see, or hear. Some of us spend our entire life broken.

I don't know this for sure, but I think that whatever state we are in, we can do something for our health to make it better. Maybe all we can do is crawl, or walk, or even just think positive thoughts while lying in a hospital bed. Doing something, anything, to improve ones health -- is better than doing the opposite.

Regardless of what form we are physically, we need to love our bodies now. I do not know when I have ever reached a point in my life where I have said, "Yep, I am done, I have arrived. No more work required here." We must love these bodies of ours -- no matter what. It is a one time deal. It is the only one you get. There will be no exchange in Heaven for someone else's mortal flesh. No plastic surgery. You are who you are. You get what you got. There is no return policy to get your money back if you are dissatisfied with your gift. All you can do is the best with what you have. And if I understand things correctly, our bodies will one day be "perfected" and heavenly. You will be a perfect and heavenly version of YOU. A beautiful, exalted, gloriously, angelic, version of who you are now. So you might as well accept yourself, you might as will love you. Right? Of course right.

I spend so much time loathing my body . . . and then I look at my daughter. I would never want her to feel that way about the gift her Father in Heaven gave her (with a little help from me!). I would not want her to feel uncomfortable in her own skin for one second. I want her to love her body, and to see her as I see her (and all my children) -- they are beautiful, full of life, and talents to offer. Just like, perhaps, Heavenly Father sees me?

Yes.

I can do it. I can heal my body, and my soul. I can love my body. I can feel good in my tabernacle of flesh. I so long to fly, to twirl, to dance, and be free from pain. My pain has been getting better each day, as I take proper care of myself. I know it is possible to be free. I can feel it happening. And I am so grateful.

I know that my battle for my love of body will continue, but it is a battle worth fighting, even daily. (Which is why I am writing this post to remind myself!) Though I love myself no matter what, it is a heck of a lot easier when I feel good. I do thank my Heavenly Father for making me who I am. I might as well try to be the best me I can be, on the inside, and the out.

May God grant me the strength to overcome my weakness -- even my addictions -- and be free!

So, tell me . . . do you love your body? 

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