Tears, Sweat, and Insults

I have lost 30 pounds in the last 2 months. I have done it the "old fashioned way" by proper eating, and daily exercise. 

By "proper eating" I mean I have a daily eating plan I follow, given to me by my friend Melissa -- which she got from her personal trainer. Some weeks I adhere to it strictly, and other weeks I follow the "spirit of the law" rather than the "letter of the law." It is nothing crazy, it is all just healthy food options like: oatmeal, eggs, nuts, seeds, chicken, fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc. The main component that I think makes the MOST difference for me is the 100+ ounces of water I drink EVERYDAY. No skipping this detail, it is crucial to proper health. As for exercise, I alternate Tae-Bo, and slow jogging. It has been a great effort, but it is working, and I am feeling great. 

After making it to the -30 pounds mark, I felt really good about myself, like a champion. 

And then IT happened . . . 

I was out jogging, while my kids were on bikes. It is an almost daily activity. I felt good, I was planning to go for a longer jog, just because I felt so good. I am so happy to be "running" (slow jogging) again, with NO PAIN. 

It is a MIRACLE. 

I was jogging like a champ (in my mind) when a young, tan, beautiful, skinny, athletically-advanced girl ran by me. I really thought nothing of it, until one of my children (whose name shall not be named, though it was not one of the two oldest who know better, nor the baby who can't talk) said to me . . . 

"Mom, you need to lose weight. You look like one of the Biggest Losers." 

Gasp. 

It took my mind a minute to catch-up with the words that had just been unexpectedly uttered. Once my mind processed the words, my tears matched the sweat that was pouring down my sun-beaten face. 

Fat. I was just called fat. 

Ouch. 

Almost instantly, I became sluggish. My body was trying not to collapse from the defeat my spirit was battling. It was a pain I may have never felt before. It is rare that I am directly insulted, to my face, out loud. 

I struggled against myself to just keep going. I cried the whole time. It was a crazy-cry, unfamiliar to me. Something deep had been unleashed, and was bursting its way to the surface. 

I walked out the door a champion, and with one blow to the mind -- I was a failure. 

It might not have hurt so much had I not already been diligent and disciplined, in a great effort to be healthy and lose weight. I mean, for crying out loud . . . 30 pounds! You think that just happens? NO! 

I have never been so angry at one of my children in all my life. A fire began brewing inside my soul. I think I might know the pain that the Hulk feels, as he is transitioning into the great green monster. 

You don't want to make me angry. 

More tears. More pain. More anger. More fire. 

Something that has been pent-up for a long time was being released. 

It is a good thing I had sunglasses on and sweat pouring down my face -- to hide the fact that I was crying uncontrollably. I mean, like, ugly cry. Try jogging and ugly-crying at the same time -- no good. 

Look, child, I KNOW I need to lose weight. For Pete's sake, that is what I am doing! Do you not see me running my butt off daily? Do you not see me doing crunches until I can't breath? Do you not see me eating a protein bar instead of ice-cream? Do you not see me drinking water and peeing all day long? 

There is a fire stirring inside of me now . . . I think my super-hero power is about to be made manifest to me through trial of pain. 

So, child of mine (who has had some impromptu lessons on manners), I want to say: 

Thank you. 

I believe you have unleashed the beast.