On This Day One Year Ago

Before I propel myself into the future, I thought I would take a look back into the past, to see where I was a year ago. This was the post I wrote on October 7th, 2014... 

Every morning I wake-up, and take a deep breath. When the alarm goes off, I often wake with a heavy feeling in my heart -- the weight of responsibility for my family can cause a flood of unwanted emotion to rush through my tired mind and body. I have to remind myself to breathe, just breathe.

After I breathe, I pray. I beg my Heavenly Father to help me through another day, and to help me have joy, and to feel happiness in my heart. I pray for a lot of things, and I express my gratitude for my very life. Praying is what gets me out of bed in the morning, and what gives me the desire to face another day. And not just face it, but embrace it, and love it.

I have given myself permission not to think too much first thing in the morning, or even until after I have eaten breakfast. When I first open my eyes, my mind fills with the list of things I have to do in a day, and it can get a bit overwhelming. But I have found that the first rush of fear will fade as the sun rises, and shines light on the day, and on my soul. I just need to get up, and get moving, and I feel better. Just lying around thinking about what needs to be done does absolutely no good -- getting up and making things happen is where a sense of joy is found.

My parents got me this plaque that says, "Things will work out." I love this quote. It is my dad's favorite quote. As I have pondered it more, I find that the key word in this quote is "work." It takes work to make things happen, and to have things work out. I cannot expect some grand future to unfold before my eyes, if I do not make a great effort -- and work -- for that to happen. The future is as bright as my faith -- and my actions, too!

I have no idea what the future has in store for me. I have no idea what tomorrow has in store for me! I mean, I have a plan for tomorrow... but plans always change. When I try to have a vision of the future, I cannot see it. It is fuzzy, and withheld from me. (Not like I could ever see it before!) But I used to dream of a "normal" future, with me, Charles, and the kids. Now... well, I just don't know where my faith and actions will take me. I am keeping my heart open for guidance and inspiration.

I have learned to live more in the moment, and to be truly alive today. The future is completely unpredictable, but I can soak in the joy of now.

I do, however, feel something in my bones... like something is coming. I don't know what... but something. Is it just me, or does anyone else feel it, too? It's probably just me...

I asked my dad if he wants "Things will work out" put on his headstone when he dies. (We have all sorts of fun conversations now.) He said, "No." He wants it to say, "Things worked out."

Whether in this life, or the next -- things will work out.

Hang in there!