Where Do I See Myself A Year From Now?

I loved every minute of Conference. There was a special energy this time, something in the air, it just felt very thrilling to listen to each and every speaker. I adored all of the words of wisdom. I also love and sustain the new apostles. I love our prophet, Thomas S. Monson. It was such a sweet testimony he shared with us. Surely he was showing us how to let our light shine, no matter what -- what courage, what strength he has. I really love him.

There were many talks that stood out to me as "favorites," but there was one line that stuck out to me from Elder Hales' talk. He said: "Ask yourself: Where do I want to be in a year from now, in two years from now?" My mind started racing as I tried to imagine myself in a year from now... what are my hopes, my dreams, my goals?

Which way do I want to pilot my future?

Who do I want to become?

This is a hard question to answer. I have been trying to live in a more day-to-day type mentality. When Charles died, the advice I got was to take life one moment at a time... not day, not week, not year. And while living moment to moment is fine for a time, especially in the beginning, I find that it is not as helpful as time goes on.

I find I must reach for the future.

I must aspire to become, not just survive. 

Living moment to moment can be defeating, if I do not have a dream I am reaching for. It is like having all the ingredients to make cookies laying out on my counter, but not mixing them together to create a sweet masterpiece. I have the ability and ingredients to make my dreams come true. Will I respond to the stirrings in my soul? Will I blend my moments purposefully together, and create a masterpiece of my life? Will I rise to my fullest potential?

I do like to live and enjoy the moment, it is healthy for everyone to savor the sweetness of the moments we have on earth. But I also need to dream of the future, and not just an eternal future with Charles. I need to work towards a wonderful mortal future for me, because, well, I am still mortal. I am still here, and I have things I am meant to do. I even have things I simply want to do. I have talents I want to develop, and abilities I can use to be a force for good in the world, shall I hide them?

Yes! I mean no... no, no, NO!

I have been given blessings in the past that offered guidance, and insight into how to face my future. I have taken that counsel to heart, and I try to apply that counsel to my life. I find that my blessings start making sense as I am brave enough to take another step forward, when I try something new, when I have courage to embrace hard things, and even when I face challenges on purpose.

There is so much to learn and do in this life! So much of the good is on the other side of the challenge and the trials. In some ways, I have never been happier than I am now. It does not make any sense, and I would certainly never imagine that being happy as a widow could ever be true. I loved my life with Charles, but I still love life without him. I take great comfort in knowing that he is supremely happy too. Life is hard, and hard is good. If life were easy, it would defeat the purpose of being here.

I like to remember that, "Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway."

Yee-Ha! :)

I have learned to really be grateful for the moments we have on this Earth, they are so very precious.  I am not afraid to die, and I do not want to be afraid to truly live! I have learned that Heavenly Father wants me to find joy in life, and He wants me to really trust Him during the good times and the bad times. There is great peace when you really -- with all of your heart -- trust God.

Gird up your loins; Fresh courage take.

Where do I see myself a year from now?

To be continued...