Do I Have to Walk a Mile in Your Shoes?

In this life, we all walk an individual journey. Our lives are fraught with trials and peril, joy and excitement, pain and suffering, love and loss. No two people are exactly alike, and no two life-journeys are identical. We are all unique, and we all experience life in a singular, and personal way.

Life as I experience it, is not the same as life as you experience it.

So, how am I supposed to understand you? How are you supposed to understand me?

As I continue to age, the veil of youth and naiveté lifts from my eyes. I find I can see others more clearly, and with more compassion. I am a woman of strong opinion, it is true. And though that has not changed, I am amazed at how my heart has grown into a soft and squishy object. My desire to understand and love others, has filled my heart with charity for my fellow travelers in life. I am not perfect in my ability to love, but I am better than I was, and that is progress.

I know that we all carry heavy burdens. So many are weighed down with the troubles of the world. Some are very skilled at hiding the sorrow behind a smile. Some would prefer to keep their troubles to themselves, rather than be a bother and ask for help. I dare say, even the happiest of persons are shouldering a heavy burden of some sort: joy and pain are faithful companions, often traveling together in their intensity.

There are things I have never experienced. There are experiences that others have gone through, that I simply do not understand. I do not know the pain of suffering from a chronic illness. I do not know what it is like to struggle with infertility. I do not know what it is like to go through the heartache of divorce. I have never known the pain of physical or emotional abuse. I have never suffered from chronic depression. I have never watched a loved one decay and die of cancer. I have never... the list could go on and on.

I have come to discover, that maybe I cannot perfectly understand the trials that others have. I can, however, have empathy. I can have empathy, because I have known pain.

Pain comes in varying degrees, and extends over different periods of time; but pain is pain. Whether you are curled up in a ball crying over the loss of a child, the torment of a physical ailment, the loss of a job, or rocking in the fetal position trying to overcome an addiction -- it is all painful. And we have all experienced pain in our lives, of some sort.

This pain is part of mortal life. It hurts, it is awful, but it is part of life that we have to endure, and when possible, overcome. If we allow it to, the pain can draw us closer to the Ultimate Healer, our Savior, Jesus Christ. The only way I have made it through pain I have experienced, has been by clinging to Him, with all that I am.

I could make a list of the trials I have experienced, but one trial surpasses them all for me, and that was losing Charles. The day that he died, I actually wished that I would die too. I could not imagine ever being able to carry on without him, at least not happily. But something inside me fought against the desire to give up, and give in. A fire stirred inside, a light still burned in my heart, my courage rose to the surface, and I chose to fight for my future.

I will never quit fighting.

Over the last few years of wading through the murky waters of grief, I find my heart has stretched to feel love for others, that I had never felt before. I believe that overwhelming love was always in my heart, but it has been more carefully developed on the other side of intense pain, and suffering. I do not like to think that it took Charles dying for me to truly love; but I do believe that because he died, I love more truly.

I do not have to walk a mile in your shoes to love you.