The Kissing Disease?

I have Mono. Yeah, I have "the kissing disease." It is only slightly ironic, since I haven't kissed anyone for almost 3 years! Mono comes from the Epstein-Barr Virus. It lies dormant in my body, but I guess it can spring forth and manifest itself with brutal symptoms, more than once. Stress can weaken the immune system, and cause it to flare up. Me, stressed? Ummm... yeah. I am working on trying to peace-out more. Breathe in, breathe out. I had Mono right after I got married, too. Oh man, that was awful.

I must admit I am kind of relieved with the discovery, because I have felt so incredibly awful, and it has been making me feel like I am crazy. When I feel sick, it is hard not to feel crazy. That whole mind-over-matter thing only works so well, when the matter is full of a virus, making the mind all fuzzy and confused. I am pretty darn in-tune with my body and mind. I took my mind and body through the training and cruel punishment of the marathon -- I know when something is not right with this flesh of mine. I know what feeling good feels like.

I have not felt good.

I have not even felt like running, at all. That is not normal. I would go for walks, and not feel rejuvenated afterwards, only more tired. I lost my appetite. I was not hungry. And let me tell you, that never happens. I am always hungry. I always want food. But my desire to eat was just not there (it is coming back), and that is when I knew something was wrong. When I didn't feel better after being treated with antibiotics for Strep, I knew I had to go back and see what was going on.

I had to convince my doctor to test me for Mono, after I had been there more than once to run some lab work. He thought that maybe it had to do more with anxiety and grief, and that it was affecting my body and mind, but I was certain it was something more. Mono has caused all sorts of anxiety, heart palpitations, fear, and I even ended up in the ER one morning because I felt so awful, dizzy, and scared. All of my other testing has checked out just fine, so my symptoms were just written off as anxiety attacks. (Which are fairly new for me, I've never had them before.) But when I was finally tested for the EBV virus, my tests were through the roof.

Finally, some answers!

This explains so much over the last month(s) of all the ongoing and drastic sickness and dreadful feelings I have had. I do not know if my children have had it, but there are sure some indications that some of them might have had it. There is no use in testing them now, since there is nothing that can be done about it, but wait it out. It can be spread by the sharing of things like cups. Henry has taken drinks out of my cups, for sure. It does seem like most of the children are really on the mend though, so that is hopeful.

So, now at least I know what has been afflicting my body and mind. And somehow that makes me feel better. I am still not up to par, but I am doing a little better, and I should keep getting better as the days go on. I would like to learn more about the Epstein-Barr Virus, because looking back over my life, there have been some things that would indicate it has perhaps been there since my youth.

I know stress is not good for the body at all, and was very likely a trigger in setting the virus free to run amuck. I am trying to find ways to chillax more. One of the most important ways to reduce stress is to PLAY. I need to play more, and just have fun. Sometimes I forget to have fun, and I take things too seriously. It was so much easier to have fun when Charles was around, because he was just so full of energy and ideas. Life was more fun with him, no doubt about it. But all work and no play makes Mari a sick girl. So I need to find ways to enjoy life more fully.

One thing I did learn is to listen to my body, if something is not right. I had to keep seeking answers, until we were able to find the problem. I am so grateful to know what has been wrong with me! It gives me a sense of peace knowing that I am not completely crazy -- I'm only just a little crazy. ;)

Here is to happy healing. What a blessing good health really is.

My dad told me I should probably wait to start dating for awhile.

No kissing for me. ;)

Here is Studio C's Mono Monologue...