I Want My Daddy

DISCLAIMER

This blog is where I record a limited depiction of my feelings, family, and faith. My blog was recently under intense scrutiny, and so I feel this disclaimer is necessary. I try to tell my story as openly as I can, but this blog represents a cropped and narrow-viewed version of my story -- like all social media -- it is NOT the full story. Many events happen behind the scenes that are not recorded or written about, due to the sensitive nature of others involved. Life has many layers. Many layers can be shared and many cannot, and this blog is simply a layer of my life that I allow others to view, but it is not an accurate depiction of all the layers of my life.

March 02, 2017

I Want My Daddy

Henry has been afraid of the dark lately. It started about the time that he was feeling so sick. He had a bad dream, and he has been scared at night since that time. I try to comfort him each night, he still sleeps in my bed; he has slept in my bed pretty much every night since April 1, 2014.

He was only one when his daddy died. He has not asked a lot of questions about his dad, yet. But there are moments that make me realize, questions are coming.

Last night, Henry said, "I'm scared, mommy." And then he said, "I want my daddy."

I was a little surprised by his request, it was so out-of-the-blue. I asked him if he meant his friend's daddy, who he also refers to as daddy. He said, "No, my daddy." And he pointed to a picture of Charles on the wall.

I just kept rubbing his hair, not sure of what to say, and then he said, "I want Jesus." He pointed to the picture I have next to my bed. I handed him the picture, and he put it on his face, like he was trying to get as close to Jesus as he could. He then asked to watch a Jesus movie on my phone. I turned on one of the Bible Videos. When he saw Jesus, he just touched His face with his finger, as if to draw comfort from seeing Him. (Henry is 4 years old.)

After the video was over, I sang I am a Child of God, as he drifted off to sleep. I was left to ponder on his feelings about his daddy.

Henry is going to have an interesting time discovering who his daddy is. He knows that daddy is with Jesus. He sees video and pictures of Charles often, but I do not know if he actually remembers him from his very young child memory. I hope he does, but I don't know what is memory-recall, or memory I have given him, through teaching him.

Henry has to have faith that Jesus lives. He will also have to have faith that his daddy lives. This is very interesting to me. His brothers and sister remember who daddy is, and they can help in teaching about him. But Henry will have to have faith on their words, and their experiences. I am grateful for the pictures I have with Charles and Henry. I wish I had more, but I am grateful I have some. I am sure they will be very meaningful to Henry, as he grows up and becomes a man.

Henry will be taught by me, that both Jesus and daddy are very much alive.

Jesus and daddy love him so much.