Adapting to Different Directions

The winds of change can blow in without warning. Life can be going along at a somewhat steady pace, and then out-of-the-blue, everything changes.

There is so much talk about finding "balance" in life. What does that even mean? Show me the person -- especially a person with children -- who lives a perfectly balanced life. I have yet to meet such a Zen-like human. The more I experience life, the more I find myself letting go of the need for balance, and instead, I have learned to embrace the beauty of flexibility, especially as a mother.

On an almost daily basis, I hear the phrase, "Oh yeah, mom, I forget to tell you, I need... ________." [Fill in the blank with something urgent.] It is just the nature of life with four children. When one of my children needs something, I often have to make adjustments to any plans I might have had, and Zen-balance flies out the window. Balance must make way for impromptu projects, mom-taxi driving, or going to the grocery store to pick up last minute who-knows-what.

I feel like if I fight too hard to maintain some imagined balance-bliss, then I can become frustrated at the reality and messiness of life. A lot of disappointment in life occurs in that empty space between reality, and unrealistic expectations. The ability to soak in fully what life actually is: now that is where some full-fledged happiness dwells.

I find if I can embrace a more flexible mindset, then when those random unexpected things come up, I can possibly (not always, but occasionally), handle those unexpected adventures with greater calmness, and less chaos of mind. (Notice I said "greater calmness" not perfect calmness. I doubt I will ever achieve perfect calmness in this lifetime, and maybe not the next lifetime either!)

So, why all this talk about balance and flexibility?

Well, I have just been thinking about how life is always in motion, and changing daily. It ebbs and flows like the waves of the sea. The path I travel seems less like a paved road, and more like I am wind-surfing on the open ocean; I often need to adjust my sails, as the winds of life change direction.

A few blog posts back, I wrote how I wanted to share some thoughts on Father's blessings I have received. (For more on Priesthood blessings click: HERE.) Often when my dad is in town, I will ask for a blessing of comfort and guidance, because my life is not really normal, and I need direct help from God. I am so grateful to have access to direct revelation for my life, from the Lord.

Over the last four years, since Charles died, I have been guided by God, in different directions. Some of my counsel has been fairly specific as to what I am meant to do, and accomplish in my life. I have had family members write down my blessings as they've been given, so I can keep them in my journals to study and ponder. I feel comfortable sharing some things about my blessings, but other things I keep close to my heart.

It is interesting that in the last four years, the path I have been asked to take has changed, as I have moved forward in the ways I have been asked to go. I thought I would share just a small example of such changes in my journey...

In a blessing given a while ago, I was told specifically to use technology in my dating efforts. I was told to make myself available to those who were seeking me out. When I originally received that information, I did not want to follow through with it. I was not interested in using online tools for dating. I hesitated, and did not jump on that counsel too quickly, until it felt right.

But, eventually, I listened to the counsel, and I made the effort that was asked of me. I signed-up for online dating, and I opened myself up and made myself available on a Facebook Widow/ers site. After signing-up, I ended up never really using the online dating site. I checked it a few times, and let it go because it was really not for me, at all. I knew that early on. It works for some people, but it was just not my style.

However, I did have some success mingling with widowers using the Facebook site, and from there, I met a nice guy to date. And even though it did not turn into something more, it was all a very positive experience, and very educational, to say the least. I was a little sad it did not work out, but even the experience of things not working out was helpful too, in some ways.

It was not easy to put myself out there on the Facebook site. It is a closed LDS Widow/er group, with around 4000 members, and its purpose is not really for dating, but connecting with others who understand the widowhood journey. I felt extremely prompted to go about using the site in a certain way to connect with people, and you know, it worked!

Oh, and did I mention I am very picky? Yeah, I am. I will not even start chatting with someone until I have thoroughly checked them out in as many ways as I can. It is a different dating world, I tell you what! I have left many "friend requests" from guys unanswered. But I have also connected with some pretty wonderful men through the site too, and I am grateful for those connections, and the experience I have had communicating with men again.

The counsel I received to, "make myself available to those seeking me out," certainly applied to the guy I went on a few dates with. The way we connected was so crazy, and it had to do with just simple commenting on a Facebook post that I had written. I was able to thoroughly check him out, to see that he was legit. But even still, when he reached out to me, I was so hesitant to respond because he was such a new widower. I knew when I started communicating with him that it was too early for him, but I took the risk anyway. He asked me on a date, I traveled to Utah to meet him a few times, it was great, and I do not regret it at all. He was a super nice guy, and it was all very fun while it lasted! And he made me realize I still have a heart, and it is open to feeling those feelings again. And that made it all worth it!

Since that time, I have received another blessing given by my dad. It had been more than a year since my previous blessing, and this time my guidance was quite different in the dating department. Last time I was told to use technology, but this time I was told to venture out more into my community, looking around in my normal life, volunteering efforts, etc. I plan to do just that, eventually. The timing is interesting, because next year, my time will be more open to such things when all of my children are in school. So, perhaps technology was right for this last season of my life, and my time available, and the future now holds different opportunities.

My mom and I discussed how sometimes we have experiences in our lives as "stepping stones," to get us to certain destinations. When I first received the blessing about using technology in my dating, I thought at the time that is how I would find the man I hope to find. Well, at this point, it seems more like it was a stepping stone in the right direction, to help me experience certain things, and learn certain lessons from those interactions, and people. I also learned that I really do not want to have to make such a huge effort -- like traveling to different states -- to try to maintain a relationship. The way life is now, it is just not very feasible.

There is a time and season for different things. Just because something does not work out in the way that was planned or expected, does not mean it was not meant to happen, or be a part of life's journey. I know I was meant to learn the lessons I have learned recently, from the experiences I have been through. I will keep them in my pocket as I move forward in different ways, in that area of my life.

I also have plenty of other things to accomplish in my life -- in addition to raising my family, which is top priority for me -- those other things are forefront in my mind, and heart, as I move forward. But, yes, meeting someone is still very important to me, and it always will be. Until you have lost love -- or never had it -- there is no way to understand that drive to have it in your life. I believe we are meant to be open to love, always. You just never know when, or where, it might find you.

Life is a fluid, moving, thing, and always subject to change, at anytime. Oh, how I know this so well. I am certainly familiar with altering course for my life, and my family. Sometimes those changes are planned, and hoped for, and sometimes they are unexpected and devastating. But change is the only thing certain, so it is good to be able to flow with it as it occurs.

The word that keeps coming to my mind is: flexibility.

The definition of being flexible is: capable of bending easily without breaking, and able to be easily modified to respond to altered circumstances or conditions.

I think the only way to truly have balance in life, is to be flexible to the changes in the wind.

May the wind blow ever in your favor.