Healing My Wings

I asked to see or feel something joyful. I was out for a run last night, enjoying the intensity of running in the heat, and I needed a mental lift. Running is hard, but often enjoyable too. Running in the heat is just unpleasant. The heat just sucks the life out of me. I was feeling rather drained, when I asked for some sort of something to inspire me to continue.

When I pray for inspiration, I know it will come: if I look for it.

I kept my eyes open, and my head up.

I was about 6 miles out, and I was drenched in sweat from head to toe. I was staying hydrated, but feeling sluggish. The temperature was probably in the 90's. I have run in the heat plenty of times, but I try to avoid the really hot runs. Last night I just needed to shake things off, and so I went out anyway, knowing full well it would be uncomfortable.

I was plodding along, losing my steam, and on came my song.

My Fight Song.

I immediately perked-up. My body is trained to have power during the Fight Song, it is an almost involuntary response from all the marathon training. The song just speaks to my soul, and I love it.

And then came my moment. The one I was looking for.

The one I asked for.

A beautiful butterfly came flying up next to me, staying with me as I ran. It was very symbolic for me. When I was running the marathon, I happened to find a dried butterfly on the road, with crushed wings. I have felt like that butterfly sometimes, all crushed and dried-up, with broken wings.

Yesterday, as I followed my newfound flying friend, I felt free. I was hotter than heck, but that did not matter. I heard a voice in my head that told me to lift my wings and fly. I ran a little faster, though that was not the intent of the message. I had a very strong feeling that I am whole now. I guess sometimes I feel like I am waiting to be whole. Like something in my life will change, and I will feel more free. The feeling I got was that day is today.

I am meant to be whole and free today!

The process of grieving never ends, from what I have been told. It just changes over time. I still have moments of utter sadness, and loneliness from the loss. However, as time passes, and as I continue to focus on the things I know to be true, I find myself feeling quite happy. It is not like I bounce around all silly and giddy all the time. What I feel is a deep joy in my heart, and a great hope for the future.

My heart is healing quite well, thanks to my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father.

I think I am ready to spread my wings and fly!