Is Love By Chance, or By Choice?
There is so much power given to me, to determine the course of my future. With this power, comes great responsibility. I find myself wondering what I should do with this responsibility. I struggle to know when to be bold, or when to be still.
I recently wrote a post about a blessing I was given, regarding a companion being prepared for me. You can read the post: HERE. I received some feedback from another widow, who said she had received a similar blessing. She commented that it had been more than 7 years, and she was still waiting for the blessing to be fulfilled. This caused my heart to feel a little sad for this sweet lady, and also a little concerned that maybe I might also have an extended time to wait for my "proper companion."
The thought of waiting for too long makes me want to burst!
The widow's comment caused me to wonder how much control I have over the outcome of this blessing, and other aspects of my life. I am not one who likes to sit and wait around for things to happen to me -- I like to make things happen. When it comes to patience, and waiting, this is perhaps not my greatest of virtues. It is during the waiting process that I can become the most antsy to take action: perhaps too soon, or too hastily.
I am learning that there is a balance between leaving things to chance, and making choices. In other words: I am trying to learn when to be patient and wait on the Lord, and when it is the Lord who is waiting on me.
For example, I would like to find a companion, and enjoy the blessings of that kind of love in my life. But if I just sit at home and wait for Prince Charming to come knock on my door, I will likely be sorely disappointed. If I really want to meet someone, then I need to take action, and not just wait around for someone to fall in my lap. (Though that would be convenient!) I am all for the plan of taking action.
However, because I am a dreamy-eyed romantic, I cannot help but hope, and believe, that there is a "right" person for me to find. Sure, I could go and find someone to date -- but I do not want to date just anyone. I am looking for someone special, and uniquely compatible with me, and all my Mari-craziness. I am not looking for perfection, or even Prince Charming: I am not that ridiculous. I am just hoping to find someone who can become my best friend.
That's not too much to ask, right?
My blessing also included the fact that I would: "Be in the right place, at the right time." To me this also implies that there is a "right person" that I am meant to be with.
At this point, I find myself unsure of what action to take, and this bothers me more than anything. The few singles events I have attended have been extremely sad, and not my idea of a good time. I just feel so strongly that is not the way I will find someone. So, another way will have to be prepared for me... a way that is unknown to me at this time.
I have felt the desire grow steadily in my heart, like something is coming, about to begin. But a little more patience is required.
I feel like, even though it is my responsibility to act, it is also my responsibility to act at the right time. I do not know what the "right time" is yet, but I do hope I will be prompted and driven towards action, when the time is right. I try to listen, to feel, and to rely on the whisperings of the Spirit to guide me in these things. Without such guidance, I can be rather silly.
I am 36 years old, and a mother of 4; but I am still just a silly-girl in my heart. I have matured in many ways over time. In the ways of romance and love, my heart seems to stay forever young and girlish. Though my heart is more complex with the experiences I have gone through, my desire for love and romance is just as strong now, as it ever was. This pleasantly surprises me.
Is love by chance, or by choice? I think my answer will be: Both.
I have to trust in the Lord's timing, and then take action when the time is right.
I will cross that bridge when I get there.
I just hope I know which bridge to cross!
My first thoughts were maybe you might meet someone that moves into your ward, through trex somehow, at one of your kids activities/programs, or a friend of a friend, you have probably thought of all those but thought I would throw them out to you. I think you are doing what you are suppose to, and being where you are suppose to be. Keep being strong! I think of you often and really want you to find someone to be your best friend again!
ReplyDeleteI always assumed that I would meet my husband while I was attending college, at BYU. That didn't happen and in fact I didn't meet him until I was 27, so I can relate to the frustration of having to wait to find someone to love. Is there a mid-singles ward in your area? I knew many people that went to their family ward with their kids and then attended the singles ward later in the day. I ended up meeting my husband in a singles ward. He was in charge of a ward service activity and I was the RS representative for the activity. Good luck, but be cautious.
ReplyDeleteI would hardly say waiting until 27 is any comparison. Maybe in The Mormon bubble you reside in.
DeletePlease be kind. Ginger's comment was kindly meant, and was certainly not offensive to me in any way. Thank you.
DeleteI am 27 and I am still waiting and I can relate to Mari very much. It is, in fact, a great comparison! :)
DeleteSo true, it's hard to distinguish when to act and when it's time to be still. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine trying to do singles events again. Have you thought about maybe volunteering somewhere, looking for running groups or hobby groups (like on meetup.com), taking an institute class or a class at a local college? If I had to start dating again, these would be the ways I would try to meet someone since the sole purpose isn't to meet someone. Your making new friends, giving service and learning something first and maybe your network will open up. Good luck. I don't know you, but I think and pray for your family often.
ReplyDeleteBecause you know what you want in an Eternal Companion. You know where your not looking. I like what Crystal said, it could very well be through your children that you meet Mr. Right. Or at the Temple or through a friend or in service. You'll know and are being prepared to receive that revelation when the time is right. Good luck! And enjoy, remember you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet Prince Charming.....just figuratively speaking.
ReplyDelete