My Experience Speaking at Stake Conference

I was asked to speak at the adult session of Stake Conference. My topic was: How do I strengthen faith in Jesus Christ in my home, as a single parent? I had to dig deep for this topic, but with over a month to prepare, the message came, and I was able to deliver it without completely breaking down, or passing out. I enjoy speaking for the most part, only because I love to share the gospel in any way that I can. Surprisingly, I was very calm this time around. I felt super peaceful the whole time.

I began my talk like this:

"It has been two and a half years since I stood at this pulpit, to speak at my husband’s funeral."

I heard an audible gasp from the congregation, there were many people that did not know me, or my story. I forget that sometimes. My story feels so familiar and repetitive to me, because I have to say it over and over. But to those who have never heard it, it can be a bit shocking. I am so young to be a widow. 

I spoke with my emotions held in check pretty well. I did not let tears fall, but my heart was bursting the whole time. However, the congregation was crying, so I had to keep my eyes above the crowd to avoid really losing it. I could hear some very loud sobbing coming from directly behind me too. 

I did cry, a lot, when I was finished. The visiting General Authorities turned my way, and decided to speak directly to me. 

I wish I had written down word-for-word what was said, because I do not want to misquote anything. But I will write the gist of what was said to me. Some things are too personal to share, even though it was said in front of a congregation. I will keep those impressions close to my heart. But I will share some things that I can remember... 

In my talk I spoke about my Scottish ancestors, their strength and courage, and what it means to me. Elder Baxter spoke about what it means to be Scottish, because he is Scottish. One of my favorite things he said was... 

"When the winds of life blow, the Scottish turn and face the wind head-on." 

The ancestors I spoke of were the Steele family. Elder Baxter said, "My mother's last name is Steele. We might have some family connections..." He said the name is Steele, and they are made of Steel. (I loved that!) 

He also spoke of Scottish people being made of granite, and very hard to chip away at. 

He spoke of Scottish people calling things as they are. He said others might call it "being determined," but the Scottish called it what it is: being stubborn. 

He turned to me, and said in a very sweet way, that though I could not see it, everyone cried with me. And when Charles died, God cried. God counts all of our tears. (That is when my tears started to flow in an ugly uncontrollable way. I had to grab my cheeks, and cover my mouth to keep my face from quivering too hard. I mean, he turned and looked at me, called Charles by name like he was an old friend of his... it hit me hard.) 

He also said, if Charles had not come to visit me yet, he would. 

He also encouraged everyone to be happy... no matter what we go through. 

He spoke in such a way that he would just bounce around from topic to topic, and it kept it interesting and engaging. I liked that method of speaking... it really worked for my brain and my heart. 

Throughout his hour-long talk Elder Baxter just kept turning back to me, speaking to me, or he would say things directly to do with my experiences. It was very profound, a little painful, and precious. I felt like my entire experience and existence was being validated. It meant so much to me. I cannot even express what it did to my heart. 

And all that he said about being Scottish, felt like he was describing me personally. I can just say from now on, "Don't blame me for the way I am, I'm Scottish!" (I am Scottish on both sides of my parent's line, it runs deep.) 

It was just a beautiful experience all around. I am grateful I had the chance to share a piece of my story and my faith. The loving care and concern that was shown to me was heart-healing. I will carry those experience with me, always. 

And after all of the Scottish talk, I feel I need to get a kilt.