I Can See Clearly Now . . .

The Rain is Gone. :-)
This is an update on my, "Judge Me Not, Please?" blog post... 

Last week, I was sent a message from someone, who heard from someone else, that I did not like them, and that I did not think, or speak, well of them. She was given the impression that I hated her. This person was hurt, and shocked, by the information that someone else laid before her -- she thought I was above such petty things, she thought I was more kind, and more Christlike. I thought I was too.

I never thought much about the things I said about her, they seemed to me harmless enough -- if someone asked, I would tell them my thoughts of her. And I certainly never thought my thoughts and my words would reach her ears. I viewed this person one way, and I would have expressed my views freely -- to most anyone that asked.

When I received the message from her -- which called me out for talking behind her back -- I was shocked that someone would reveal such information, and I was shocked that someone would want to spread it through the grapevine, from my mouth into her lap. My "harmless" words became harmful, and painful.

When I received the message late in the evening, my heart began pounding, and my mind began racing -- trying to figure out who said what to who, and why? My mind flew to the past, to past conversations I might have had with a friend (or friends) regarding this person. I was trying to understand why someone would want to share this information with this person, to make me look like I am an unkind person, saying awful things behind others back.

My mind was spinning out of control. And I felt sick on many levels.

The truth is, I said unkind things about this person -- I am sure, even positive, that I did. I was not speaking of her to be spiteful, or hurtful, nor was I speaking in a malicious type way, full of hate. (Envy maybe, but not hate -- though hate and envy are hard to separate.) But if her name came up in a conversation with someone else, I would definitely share my uninformed opinion, and judgements, about her. I am guilty of this action 100%. No doubt about it.

I was judging this person mostly by appearance, what I saw of her, and what I ASSUMED about her. I considered this girl to be one way in my mind, without real reason, other than just my initial, and continued judgement of her, over time. I had very little personal interaction with her, just a handful of moments -- but I never really got to know her, her thoughts, her concerns, her worries, her life, or anything. I never took the time, because I allowed my judgements to stand in my way of her. I allowed my judgements to keep me from a potential friend. I am sure this is not the first time I have done this.

I know many people have declared that you should not care what other people think of you, you should brush them off, and move on . . . but I don't buy that! I DO care. I care A LOT. If I find out that someone has a problem with me for some reason -- especially if I was the one to inflict the problem -- then I will do whatever I can to resolve it. If after everything I can do someone still despises me, then I will keep trying . . . and trying. Of course I cannot make the world love me, but if there is an individual that has an issue with me over something, I will TRY to make things right! I know it is not the worlds way, but it is MY way. (If you have an issue with me and you are reading this, can you wait to bring it up until after Christmas? Thanks.) :-)

This person and I have been communicating with each other, trying to work things out, to a point of resolution between us. I believe we have gotten there. I hope we have! It took time, and hard words, but I am hoping we arrived at a place of understanding. That is all I can hope for. There is still a fresh tenderness in my heart, and hers I am sure -- words can hurt! We were both upset, and even angry, and it was difficult trying to resolve something so sensitive through the written word, over the internet -- but there was space and distance between us physically, so face-to-face wasn't really an option. And I think a phone conversation would have been a worse way to try and communicate, especially with kids running circles around me (and likely her, too).

I have -- in this short amount of time -- learned a lot about this person. And my biggest regret is that we did not take the time to get to know each other, and be friends, while we were closer in proximity. Had we sought out each other in friendship, or at least, for my part, looked at her with kindness -- this whole thing could have been avoided!

Through our discussion I found that the things I thought of her were wrong. I am awful at judging people. It is not like I hate people, and prance around seeing the worst in others, I don't, I really don't! I just see people, categorize them in my mind, slip them in their place, and let them stay there until they prove they are someone else entirely. And since I am almost always wrong, and a pathetic judge of people, I keep learning (and relearning) the lesson of not judging. It is truly hard to love people when you are judging them. And I want to love people.

Yes, of course, we all judge people. We see, and we assume. But it is what we do with our judgements that count! See, judge, and then give people the benefit of the doubt. Give people a chance!  Try seeing and judging the BEST of them. Find the best about them, and focus on that.

This could have all been avoided. And I will tell you how. . .

I have been, as it were, "caught" in the act of gossiping about someone else. I am ashamed, wholeheartedly, and guilty of my accusations. I have learned valuable lessons. And I share these things here, so that I will not forget, and so you can learn from my mistakes, and try and avoid them!

I (we) need to stop talking about people so loosely, so casually, so easily. If someones name comes up in a conversation, and the first thing you think is something negative -- DON'T SAY IT! Just stop yourself. Bite your tongue. Bite it hard if you have to. I promise it will hurt less than the pain that will come back to you if you say it out loud.

If you are about to say something unkind about someone else, consider it is only because you are  jealous, envious, mean-spirited, or something else entirely awful. You are also so insecure about yourself that you have to rip other people down, to make yourself feel elevated.

Though this was an awful thing to go through -- for both parties involved -- I am grateful it happened. I have been educated in a painful way. But I have been educated. Let's hope I learn.

I am scared now though. I am scared to slip-up again. I am scared of gossiping again . . . I now live in fear of it.

It is a lot easier to say, "Don't Judge," than it is to actually stop doing it.

Heaven help me. And you better help me, too. Please! If you call me friend, please, please help me!

Let my mistakes be a lesson to you . . .

What goes around WILL come around. So be careful.

Be kind.