Don't Look Back . . . Look Forward!

2013 was a very strange year for our family. It was full of changes large and small. Our family theme for last year was: REJOICE! And though I do not think 2013 was the best year for our family, there were still many reasons to rejoice and be grateful. There are always reasons to rejoice, even when times are tough -- like this last year proved to be. 

We started our year out having to change our living arrangements. In 2012 we had moved into a large and beautiful rental home, with my parents living with us. The plan was to have them with us for a long time. The arrangement with our families worked fine until the landlord decided to sell the house, and so we had to find a place to move. We looked to buy a house big enough for our family and my parents. We almost bought 5 different house, but the deals always fell through for some reason. 

One difficult night in the big house, Charles and I determined our best course of action was to go back to our little house and make life work living little again. It was one of those moments when the lights turn on in the brain, and you just KNOW that something is the right decision even when it is the hard decision. This decision meant squishing our family into our 2 bedroom home, and my parents would need to find another living arrangement. We had some hard conversations, and my head almost burst trying to work through some of the details and emotions that went along with the hard changes. It was a very strange and trying time for us -- ALL of us.  

My parents opted to go back to Alaska for awhile and prepare to serve another mission. (They have served in Samoa, and New Brunswick.) They went back to Alaska, but rather than preparing for a mission, they were quickly called to serve in the Temple Presidency in the Anchorage, Alaska Temple. Coincidence that they returned to Alaska? I think not. 

Everything in our lives seemed to unravel, all of our plans were being undone. But all the while, God was weaving His tapestry -- moving the pieces where He needed them, with a vision of the beginning to the end. 

While my parents moved back to Alaska, we moved back into our little house that we have owned for the last 6 years. We have managed to survive with our family of 6 living in 932 sqft of living space, with one bathroom. Our daughter has slept in a modified walk-in closet off of the boys room, and Charles and I slept in a bunk bed to save space in our room that doubles as an office. (Did I mention we got rid of our bunk? We are in the same bed now -- I'll blog about that another day!) 

We have survived in our living situation, our children love being so close, and Sammi cannot bear the thought of ever leaving our small house. We love our house too, mostly the location of it, having such a great view, and having our backyard neighbors on over an acre of land so they are far away. But the reality is that the house is growing too small. Our older children are almost as tall as me! 

We have looked, and looked, and looked some more for a suitable house for our family, but we have just not found it. The houses are always either "too hot" or "too cold" -- never just right! (Meaning too expensive, too run down, or too far away, etc.) After over a year of looking it has been pretty frustrating! So in our little house -- living close together -- we remain. God seems to keep telling us to "wait!" So we wait. I am not really good at waiting. I get anxious. 

It makes me wonder why we cannot seem to leave this spot? Why are we "stuck?" I guess only time will tell! 

Over the course of this not-so-wonderful year we have also had medical visits for Henry, and still just waiting to see what his kidney-surgery verdict will be in the future. For now, we just wait for the day he will likely need surgery. . . wait, wait, wait.  

2013 also brought with it strange social/friend events that have changed the way I will view and treat relationships from now on. My view has always and ever been "family first" when it comes to relationships, and that is even more true for me now -- especially having older children. I recently read a blog post of a woman who talked about needing to put up "walls" and protective barriers around herself, and her family, when it comes to how she spends her social time. She was also generally pretty open and free with her thoughts and conversations with people, so I could really empathize with her. With recent experiences, I can feel myself building my own walls even higher than they already were. I saw a quote that went something like this, "Sorry I am a lame friend, I am busy being an awesome mom!" That is where I am at now. I am not saying I am an awesome mom, but I am saying I can be a lame friend because I am TRYING to keep up with the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of 5 people (not to mention myself!) at ALL times! So cut me some slack if I fall short in the realm of being socially awesome. I never claimed to be good at it! 

There are many other occurrences of 2013 that just don't invoke thoughts of joy and happiness. This year just felt like it went by so fast, with not much to show for it. There was no grand event or success that occurred in this last year. We just kind of survived. We made it through. The original plans that we had made for our family and our future had unexpectedly and completely changed, and it caused us to stop in our tracks, while trying to find a new path. It was a year of lying-low, breathing in-and-out, and intense spiritual learning, especially in the lessons of patience. It was a year of lessons. Hard lessons. 

As for our family theme, looking back over the year, all I can say is that I REJOICE that 2013 is OVER!!!!! 

The past is the past. The future is before us! Don't look back! Move forward!