In the Silence of the Night

I miss having someone to talk with. I am very blessed with great friends, family, and even wonderful children who are lovely communicators. Truly, I am so grateful for the people around me, my heart is filled with gratitude as I think of how lucky I am to be surrounded by such tremendously good people. I would go crazy without those who have stuck with me, and listened to my sometimes ridiculous and silly thoughts and feelings. I love the people that have been put in my life, and I will remember to thank my Heavenly Father for friends and family, as I say my prayers tonight.

However, I miss having a companion to talk with: especially at night. Talking with the love of your life is different than talking with friends and family. I miss the closeness and the affection that is shared when you really connect with someone by talking, and attempting to understand each other. Sure, there are other aspects and things I miss from a marriage relationship; but there are some nights that the sound of silence makes me want to cry.

Some of my favorite moments with Charles, were staying up late at night, and talking about everything. He was super chatty, and had lots of thoughts, and I adored listening to him and his insights from his perspective on the world. His perspective was very different from my own. Sometimes we would discuss deep doctrine and other fun topics, and he would help me to see clearly things I had not considered before. I learned so much from him, and I miss that.

I miss that right now. All I hear are the croaking frogs out my window, and the sound of my fingers clicking away on the laptop. Oh, and I hear Henry's deep-breathing as he falls asleep cuddled next to me.

One of the reasons I want to get married again, is to have that closeness, and someone to talk with. At the end of the day, I crawl in bed alone. (Well, I often find Henry next to me.) I lay in bed to the sound of silence, except for an occasional stirring coming from the children. Do not get me wrong, I enjoy silence as much as the next person, especially after a long day. But night after night, I put a lid on my thoughts and feelings, and store them deep inside. Of course my feelings have the potential to be unleashed in blog form, if I feel like sharing -- but there is no comparison between clicking on the keyboard, and true communication with a companion. Though I am grateful for my blog, it does not cuddle me when I am through sharing my thoughts and feelings. And sometimes I just need a hug... it has been a really long time since I have been good and hugged. (Friends and family hugs are great, not the same though.)

Honestly, I am so grateful for technology, and the ability to communicate with others in different ways, because it helps me to feel connected to the world, and it helps that silence a little, by having the ability to get some raw emotions out. But, wow, what I would give to have a real live human crawl in bed with me at the end of the day. Wouldn't that be nice? (Henry is a human... but his communication skills are a little limited, he is only 4.)

I would love someone to talk to at the end of the day, someone to listen, someone to hold me. I miss the sound of a whispered "I love you" in my ear, before I drift off to sleep. I miss whispering, "I love you, too."

The silence grows more thick and pressing on my heart. My longing grows ever stronger.

If, someday, I do find a companion... we will have some pretty interesting conversations, that is for certain!