A Note Fell from His Journal

I picked up one of Charles' journals today, and out fell an envelope. I opened it to find a piece of paper. It was a note I had written to Charles many years ago.

He kept it.

I will share my note here, so you can see that I spoke the same to him when he was with me, as I do now that he is gone. I also found the subject of the note interesting... being lonely without him. I wrote this note when he was working the night shift at a hotel, and he was gone all the time, so I rarely saw him. (Our early college days.)

The Note: 

My Dearest Pookie, 

It is 1:30am and I just finished watching a movie alone. As I was sitting alone watching the movie, I had this overwhelming feeling come over me. My heart longed for you, I miss you. I miss our long talks, walks, and fun times. These times are hard. Sleeping alone is hard. Sending you off to slave away at night is hard. You amaze me. I have an extreme feeling of love for you that I could have never imagined was possible. I know I have the capacity to love, but with you -- you are a part of me, so much a part of me. I remember you used to say it was silly when girls would say that a guy made them feel complete, or whole. Consider me a silly girl, because without you I am empty and lonely. I have grown to need you. I love you so much. I mean that with all the passion and feeling that I can put onto paper...

Mari 

It was certainly hard to be without him then, when he was gone so much with school, work, callings, etc. But, those feelings are nothing compared to what I feel now. I spoke of him being a part of me, and now I know how true that really is. The void I feel without him sometimes proves unbearable.

Charles described our closeness like this:

"Mari and I have grown close, so close to each other in these last few years of preparation. I love my wife. I finally know what the phrase 'the wife of my bosom' means." 

I sure do miss that closeness with him.