Die-hard

I ran in the winter storm tonight. Well, it was a winter storm Idaho-style. That means that only a few inches fell, and will likely melt sooner than later. But it was quite messy outside, and running was a challenge. 

Lucky for me, I have my Altra trail-running shoes. I purchased them for Trek, and they work fantastic in the snow. It is like having studded-tires on my feet. They have been working marvelously. I am so happy about that. I was even able to make it up a hill covered in snow. I could not do that in my regular running shoes; I would slide right down. The right equipment really does make a difference. 

As I was running, I passed a public area, and a few older gentlemen were leaving a restaurant. One man looked at me all gussied-up in my winter running-gear, he turned to his friend and said, "Now there is a die-hard." I smiled and waved as I ran by and said, "I just gotta do it!" 

I pondered what the man said for the rest of my run. Me... a die-hard? Hmmmm... I like the way that sounds. As I continued plowing through the snow, I began to enjoy the extra challenge. I also thought, "I totally got this, I am from Alaska!" Winter running is how I grew-up. You run in the snow, ice, and everything else. When you live in Alaska, you have to become Alaska-tough. 

You have to become die-hard. 

I decided to look up what die-hard means. 

The definition is: 

noun

1.

a person who vigorously maintains or defends a seemingly hopeless position, outdated attitude, lost cause, or the like.

adjective

2.

resisting vigorously and stubbornly to the last; stubborn.

How perfect is that for me? I love it. I want a shirt that says Die-hard. 

A few days ago, I wrote a post about feeling pain. It was a melancholy post. I wrote about not needing therapy. It is true, I do not have a desire to see a paid therapist. My therapy is running. It has always been my way to clarity of mind, body, and soul. I figure that running is my antidepressant, and God is my Therapist. I always talk to Him when I am out and about. And I always feel so much better after running. 

I have been slipping on my consistency, therefore, my melancholy thoughts have gotten the best of me lately. Feeling good has so much to do with the choices I make each day. That is why I used to say, "Choose happy." It reminded me to make choices to lead to my happiness. Happiness does not just spontaneously occur without effort. 

I want to add to that something that will not leave my mind. I have discovered that I can feel both crappy and happy at the same time. (Forgive my foul language.) With the intense void and loneliness, also comes feelings of intense joy and peace. It is hard to explain how they can both exist even at the same time, but it is true. I can feel sad and happy at the same time. I am learning to embrace it more and more. When I write blog posts where I deeply express my pain and sorrow, it is a way for me to release, and that is healing for me. If I can just get out my feelings, I feel free, even happy. Writing is freeing for me, running is freeing for me... these are things I must do to feel joy in my life. (There are more things, too, of course.) 

Tonight I felt awesome after braving the storm. I even heard someone honk at me and say, "Go, Mari!" (Not sure who it was?) I always wonder how people know it's me when I am all covered in winter gear. 

They must recognize me by my die-hard determination, right? 

 It was so beautiful with the snow falling and Christmas lights glowing all around. 

 Look how pretty... it was so worth it. 

 Running makes me happy. 

 Ahhhh... home sweet home. There was enough snow for a snowman! 

There is no place like home. One of the best feelings in the world is returning home after a long run. 

I love running.