We All Have a Father

Father's day will be a little different this year, for our family. I am bracing myself for Church tomorrow if the Primary children sing, "I'm so glad when daddy comes home." Oh, how my children would love to put their arms around their daddy's neck, hug him tight, and give him a great, big, kiss -- like the song suggests. (I would love to do those same things!) 

I recently walked into a grocery store, and I saw a huge candy bar with the word DAD on it. It was meant to be a quick and convenient gift for Father's day, but for me, and the kids, it stung just a little. It is strange what can trigger the tears and heartache. I can be walking along feeling fairly good, and then something -- even something very small -- can tug at the heartstrings, and cause my feelings to come trickling out of my tear ducts. It is strange how it is often the little things, the very little things, that bring up the raw and tender emotions. I can be standing in front of a classroom teaching and be fine, but if I see a piece of Father's day candy, I crumble. There is no rhyme or reason to emotions, I've decided.

There are really no words to express how I feel about Fatherhood. If I could express the way my heart burns just thinking about the role of Fatherhood, then I would express it... but words fail me right now. Sometime maybe I will try... just not today. Let me just say that I am in awe of Fatherhood -- now, more than ever.

I do, however, have a few words to say about the Father of my children... (I have a few words to say about my own father, too, but that is for another day.) 

Charles is my husband -- not my father. He is our children's father, and I am so grateful for that! Our children love and adore him more than anything. He is their daddy, their protector, their provider, their teacher, their Super-Hero, their friend, and now he is their Guardian Angel who watches over them.

Charles was such a powerful presence in our lives -- when he was with us physically -- that even now we can still feel him, even though his body is separated from us for a time. The children have such a strong bond with him, each child in their own way. His love seems to envelope us with some sort of family superpower of peace and comfort, beyond anything I ever thought possible with death. But despite this peace and comfort, we all still long to see him, and be hugged by him, and to enjoy the warmth of his smile, and his beautiful laughter.

We all miss daddy.

The reason we long for him, and miss him, is because we love him so much. Being parted from him in this life is a hard thing -- because he is so wonderful. Physical separation, is a very painful separation. But we also know that one day, we will see him again. I know we will see him again with more certainty than I know I am sitting here in my chair, typing this blog post.

For now he is far, but he is near.

Kind of like another Father I know... my Heavenly Father.

This Father's day, I would feel an ungrateful daughter if I did not express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father. Through the recent experiences I have gone through -- with the loss of the most important and cherished person in life -- I have come to a greater understanding that it has always been about God. My journey of life -- no matter who comes and goes in it -- has always been, and always will be, a journey between me, and God. He gives, and He takes away -- but He always remains, my Father.

Throughout my lifetime, I have put myself in God's hands. I have found as I have been separated by death from Charles -- my best friend and husband -- that I am still a whole person. Sometimes the hole in my heart can seem a gaping flesh wound, but somehow, my Heavenly Father can fill that hole, and allow me to carry on. I did not know this was possible.

Despite the loss of my other half, I am a whole person because of God.

I stand amazed.

And now, as His daughter, I ask that He continues to lead me, guide me, and walk beside me.

I know He will help me find the way, for me, and my family into the future... into the unknown.

I also know, that no matter what happens in my life, this journey is between me, and my Heavenly Father.

It always has been.

I get that now.

I am a Child of God.

And so are you!