Running to Him

I ran for the first time in a month. My legs are starting to really heal up nicely. I have been walking almost daily to keep my muscle memory in place, and to keep things circulating, and healthy. As the days go by, and I completely heal, I should continue to get stronger and stronger, and eventually I should be free! Yippee!

I was not planning on running yesterday. I originally set out for a long walk in the beautiful evening air and light. As I started walking, I felt a surge of energy inside of me, and a great desire to really move. I had an ace bandage securely fastened on my most recently operated on leg, to keep things in place. My legs felt great, without any pain, and so I slowly started to lift my knees and move forward in a slow jog.

As I began jogging, I felt another rush come over me, and I felt sure I could go at a normal pace. I was shocked as I ran with near full strength and ability. My running legs still work! Hooray! It did not feel perfect, as I could feel the left over lumpy residue on my calf kind of shifting around (this will break up and disappear over time). But with the ace bandage keeping that area secure, I felt very comfortable moving around freely.

I cannot even describe what a joy it was to run again. I was so worried that it might take forever to get back to where I was before the surgery, and running 8 miles with ease. After running 3 miles last night, I have total confidence that I will be able to fly freely again soon; better than ever before, with improved circulation and freedom. How exciting!

I have said this many times before; healing is hard.

Any kind of healing is such a challenge. My last month has been filled with all sorts of physical and emotional challenges that have sometimes left me whimpering in the night. I have been plagued by a new fear that has been creeping into my mind at night. I think the fear has gone along with the pain. My body has been traumatized, and my mind was responding with worry and doubt. There have been many nights where all I could do is cry out to my Heavenly Father for the strength to make it, and endure the pain; especially when my wounds got infected. Physical pain can definitely play games with your mind.

It is not easy to endure pain alone. Charles would have caressed my hair, soothed my soul, or tended to my healing needs. Not this time. This time, I had to rely on Heavenly Father, and even the strength of my children. Much of the time I had to rely on my own strength to make it through the fire. Taking care of a 3 year old, while not having full use of my legs, was a uniquely interesting challenge for me.  Somehow, I was able to manage, and God gave me the strength I needed, to do what needed to be done. It was a miracle. (Henry is a 3 year old, and he performs his 3 year old duties with great enthusiasm, and spirit.)

I cannot express my gratitude enough for having such wonderful children. They are my angels who lift me up. Just today they helped hoist me onto the trampoline, because I could not quite maneuver my leg right to get on. I just wanted to lay on the trampoline for a bit and ponder, and when I was done, Sammi came out and lifted me off using her amazing strength. What a funny thing to have my child wrap her arms around me, helping me down, as if I were a little baby. I am so grateful to have such strong and capable children, whom I adore and love beyond words. I just love them so much.

As I continue to heal both physically and emotionally, I can feel this new creature being created within me; I am not the same. Each day I grow one step closer to knowing my Savior on a more personal level, and for that, I must give thanks.

My relationship with my Savior is everything.

Because of Him, I can run again; both body, and soul.

P.S. That is my most recently operated on leg right after my run. It is healing well. Eventually all the scarring and bruising will disappear, and both of my legs will be whole. I look forward to that day!