A Christmas Letter to Charles

My Dearest Charles, 

How are you? Are you doing OK? How are things there in the Spirit World? I have this feeling that you are doing well, but sometimes I worry about you. I hope you are not lonely, I hope you are surrounded by people that you love.

Knowing you, I am sure you have made new friends, and are the social butterfly you have always been. But I also know you need that time alone to refresh and regroup. Sometimes I think I can feel when you are lonely. It has always been hard for you to hide your emotions. I know you wish you were here with us, especially now, for Christmas. I have felt how much you desire to be here, during your favorite time of year.

I long to have you here.

Perhaps you could pop in to visit, just for a little while?

So, how is your family? Are you enjoying the chance to mingle with your ancestors? I don't know for sure, but I have some guesses on who you might enjoy spending time with, after looking through your family tree. I am sure your relatives are enjoying your pleasant and charming company.

Have you climbed any new mountains lately? Have you camped out under the stars? What new goals have you set for yourself? I miss hearing about all the things you dream about doing. I know you, I am sure you are pushing your limits, as you always do. Make sure and take time to breathe. I understand you are more powerful than you have ever been, but I am sure you will try and max out your capacity even still... so take it easy sometimes, and be kind to yourself. Don't let yourself get spiritually tired. Pace yourself in all that you do.

I sure hope there is someone there to comfort you. I hope you have a friend that can lift you up from time to time. I hope you have someone who understands what you are going through, and what it is like being parted from your family so young. It is hard for us here in the mortal world. I have no doubt it is hard for you too. Sure you have a greater understanding of everything, having experienced death, and being parted from your body; but that does not mean you do not miss us, and long to be with us. It is so hard to be apart, and in completely different forms. I sure wish it was easier to reach across the veil, so that I could see you often, and enjoy that twinkle in your eyes that I miss so much. We just have to make it a few more mortal years, and then we will be together again.

I wish you could tell me about everything that you are doing. It is not really fair that you can see me, but I cannot see you; I wonder which one is actually harder to endure? I do hope I provide some good entertainment for you, as you watch me trying to make it in this world full of challenges. I am sure you have had some good laughs, while seeing how silly I can be. I do miss your heartwarming laugh.

I am feeling desperately lonely without you. The more time that goes by, the more my heart aches to see you again. I am doing my best to keep my chin up, and to seek after joy and righteousness... but I find my heart betrays me, and I long to be with you. I did not know it was possible to feel such a longing for a person. I have come to understand that love -- our love -- really does extend beyond the reach of time and eternity, it cannot be severed; not even by death.

I do not find pleasure in the tortuous feelings of parted romance, but I do find I am grateful to feel such strong and overwhelming love towards you, my Charles. I know that I will take these moments of longing, and that they will all be made right, when I will be in your arms once again. I think on that moment with such great anticipation; but I try not to think about it too much, or else I might implode, and lose my mind.

My mind can only dream of what it will be like to be with you again, but I know I really cannot comprehend the glory of that moment. When I try to comprehend it, my breath is taken away, and my heart tries to leap from my chest. I had one of those moments just now. It was astonishing to feel so deeply. I would wish that depth of feeling on everyone... but I do not wish on anyone the mortal torture it requires to pass through, to feel so much eternal love. The depth of love has come from the absence, the longing, and being parted by the flesh. I am still mortal, you are immortal. We have a love that exist in superhero stories. It is a sweet and painful agony to love one who cannot be seen and touched. But our love has only strengthened my faith that life never ends; Love never ends.

I will be with you again.

What do you think of our precious children? Are they not the most beautiful creations? Oh, how they have grown! I am sure you adore them as much as I do. They love you so much. Sammi and Daniel remember you well, and William tries hard to remember. Henry still recognizes your picture, though he often confuses you and Jesus as the same person. They are all growing up well, and are well loved by those around them.

The children are my reason for living. Because of them, I want to live a very long life, so I can be their mother, and raise them right. Even though I miss you terribly, I know I must be here. I need to mother our children; it must be me. They need me, and I plan to bring every last one of them back to Heavenly Father. There will surely be bumps in the road with the children as they grow, but I will not fail. I will do whatever it takes to bring them back to God, and to you. I know you trust me with this task. I appreciate all of your help in this. I know I am not alone in this most important task.

Charles, I love you. I miss you so much. Sometimes all I can do is rock in the fetal position, it hurts so much to be parted from you. Having our Superhero-story kind of love, is not for the faint of heart.

Merry Christmas, my love. I do not know how many more Christmases we will have apart, but I love you more deeply with each one that passes.

Yours Forever,

Mari