Strengthening Home and Family

I spoke in Church on Sunday about Strengthening Home and Family. I have had a handful of people ask me for a copy of the talk. It is long (15 minutes speaking) but I decided to post it here: 

Strengthening Home and Family

By Mari van Ormer

  

It has been said that, “The strength of the nation derives from the integrity of the home.” As we witness the current degradation of society, we tend to point fingers at those in power and authority, and hope that they will be the ones to fix our troubles, and our nation. But perhaps it is as Barbara Bush once declared when she said: “Your success as a family... our success as a nation... depends not on what happens inside the White House, but on what happens inside your house. ”

We live in a time where home and family are not valued as preciously as they once were. Much of our society is plagued with selfishness, and the pursuit of self-discovery above all other things. We live in the iGeneration.

President Hinckley has said: There is too much selfishness. There is too much of worldliness in our homes. We need to get back to the basics of respect one for another and concern one for another . . .We need to rear our families in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, as He instructs us to do.

The evils of the world will continue to escalate unless there is an underlying acknowledgement, even a strong and fervent conviction, that the family is an instrument of the Almighty. It is His creation. It is also the most fundamental and basic unit of society. And it deserves – no, it demands –our combined focus and attention.

So the question is: What is happening inside our homes? What are we doing to strengthen our homes and families? And what can we do to fortify the very bedrock of our society?

The Proclamation to the World States that: Happiness in Family Life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.

As Elder Scott said: Regardless of your circumstances, you can center your home and your life on the Lord Jesus Christ, for He is the source of true peace in this life. When He is the center of your home, there is peace and serenity. There is a spirit of assurance that pervades the home, and it is felt by all who dwell there.

So, regardless of your personal family circumstances, whether it be ideal, or not --you can strengthen your own home, and family, by diligently focusing on the teachings of Jesus Christ. We all need to work at having more Christ-Centered Homes, no matter what our family dynamics currently are.

So what can we do to strengthen our families and homes? The Proclamation to the World states that: Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

These are the principles I would like to discuss with you today.

First and foremost, we need to build families of faith. Faith in our family begins with trusting our Heavenly Father and His promises. We press forward despite challenges, never giving up on ourselves, or our children. We teach our family to have faith in Christ by living what we know to be true. Our children learn their most powerful lessons from watching our faithfulness.

I love the saying that, “Your children will become who you are; so be who you want them to be.”  In other words . . . they are watching you! And anyone who has ever served in primary and taught the children, knows that the children are just mini-versions of the parents.

As parents our actions are speaking louder than our words when it comes to having faith. What are we teaching our children, what do they see? They are absolutely watching us.

It is so important to show the children how to have faith. The ability to believe and have faith is being smothered by the seeming wisdom of the world. People want evidence now, they want facts, they want proof -- if they cannot see it, they cannot believe it.

The reality is, God has provided many evidences of His existence. One of these is the testimony of His creations: “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork”.  “All things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth... and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator”

Just look around you and see the beautiful world and all of His glorious work and his wonders. Point out to your children how marvelous it is to enjoy God’s creations.

As parents the greatest gift that you can give to your children is not wealth, or trinkets, toys, sports lessons, or musical instruments. The greatest gift you can give them is to help them have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and to Have Faith in God.

In all the busyness of life, we cannot neglect teaching them of the things of greatest importance.

As Neil A. Anderson said: A stronger personal faith in Jesus Christ will prepare [your children] for the challenges they will most surely face.”

As we go about our daily activities of life, we need to make sure that we take any opportunity to discuss faith with our family. Sometimes when we are driving in the car, or going for a walk, we will ask our children questions about their faith. Ask your children what they know. Find out what is in their hearts. Encourage them to study the scriptures, and to seek out answers to questions. And help them to believe.  As we base our thoughts and our lives on Jesus we can weave faith into the very fiber of our homes. It does not have to be complicated. Faith can be the very essence of everything you do in your home and family.

A home filled with Faith is a happy home.

Are we creating a house of prayer and repentance? Prayer should be as much a part of our daily schedule as eating and breathing.  

In our family we love to pray, and we pray often. We each have our personal prayers, Charles and I have our couple prayer, we have family prayer, we have our mealtime prayers, and evening prayers. And we pray whenever we go out the door for a family walk, or in the car. We really pray all the time. But it was not until recently that we decided to get on our knees for our evening family prayer.

Now, as we gather before bedtime, we all kneel together before God. And since we have started kneeling, all I have to do is announce, “It’s time for prayers” and little baby Henry has learned to run to the couch and bow his head and kneel like the rest of us. It has been precious. There is something special about kneeling in prayer as a family. Even the baby knows it’s the right thing to do.

Prayer is a powerful force in strengthening the home. Truly, I cannot image going one single day without talking to my Heavenly Father and thanking Him for my life, and everything that I have, and also requesting protection in this troubled world we live in.

Along with prayer, do we remember to teach repentance? It is important to teach our families how to repent and be free from the things that might drag them down. Mistakes do happen, and bad choices are made – by all of us. Repentance is not a punishment but a blessing. We are able to be freed from the guilt and burdens that drag us down and cause us to feel despair, and anguish. The Lord has promised: “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42). And as Elder Scott so often says: “If you need to repent, please do so now.”

Do we teach our families to forgive? When Charles and I were married and sealed for time and eternity in the Anchorage, Alaska temple, the officiator offered us very little advice. Actually he only said 3 words to us -- but those words have been etched in my heart since that day, 14 years ago. The Temple Sealer looked at me, and then he looked at Charles and he said, “Always be Forgiving.”

I do not think he could have given us better advice than that. Charles and I have had many experiences in our marriage where we have had to remember those words. Sometimes selfishness can creep in, and it is hard to be willing to forgive. But when you hold a grudge, or allow hard feelings to fester, you are wasting precious time that could be spent in happiness, instead of anger.

Be quick to forgive those in your family. Forgiveness is powerful. To forgive is a divine attribute. It is to pardon or excuse someone from blame for an offense or misdeed. The scriptures refer to forgiveness in two ways. The Lord commands us to repent of our sins and seek His forgiveness. He also commands us to forgive those who offend or hurt us.

I have observed people who could not forgive, and I have seen them rip themselves apart with agony and despair. I have also seen those who have forgiven their offender, even in extreme circumstances, and they are living a life of peace and joy. And though it can be an extraordinarily difficult, almost super-human thing to do -- Always be forgiving.

Forgiveness can set you free. I have seen it.

Are we teaching respect in our homes? Our Prophet Thomas S. Monson said: “Happiness abounds when there is genuine respect one for another. Wives draw closer to their husbands, and husbands are more appreciative of their wives, and children are happy, as children are meant to be.”

Respect is a word that the world does not seem to hold in high regard. We live in a society that makes good seem bad, and bad seem good.  Elder Ballard said:

Our family-centered perspective should make Latter-day Saints strive to be the best parents in the world. It should give us enormous respect for our children, who truly are our spiritual siblings, and it should cause us to devote whatever time is necessary to strengthen our families. Indeed, nothing is more critically connected to happiness—both our own and that of our children—than how well we love and support one another within the family.”

As we respect each other in the home, there is a greater sense of being appreciated. As a mother the words, “Thank you,” are a strength to my soul. Mothers and Fathers need to be respected, and appreciated for the work they do. And Children also need to be respected. All family members need to be treated with respect.

So remember to keep the words, “Thank you” on the tip of your tongue at all times. Children remember to say, “thank you” to your parents for all that they do for you. Parents thank your children for being such gloriously wonderful people.

But remember you cannot demand respect -- it has to be earned, by being worthy of it. 

Are we filling our homes with love and compassion? As the Hank Williams song states: A house without love is not a home.  

Growing up in Alaska, in the darkness of the long, dreary winters, it was the love of my family that made the harsh conditions not just tolerable, but enjoyable, too. As the snow would pile high, and the temperatures would drop, we would nestle into our homes, like bears hibernating in the winter. My mother was a wonderful homemaker, and she brought the spirit of love into our house, she drew everybody in. Our home was a sanctuary from the world. We would cross the threshold and feel an instant relief that we were safe and sound, and surrounded by my mother’s love, and my father’s protection. My home was filled with an almost tangible spirit of love that you could reach out and grab.

When Charles and I were dating, the first time he walked into my family’s home he stopped and said, “Wow, this is amazing.” He was not struck by the size, or grand furnishing of the home, it was not that kind of home – he was struck by the Spirit of Love that was obviously present there. That love was created, on purpose, even daily, by my mother. Her efforts of cleaning, and cooking, and placing the couch pillows just so, were not in vain. Home was a Haven. And it was a destination for all of my friends, and many people would come to enjoy the love that was found in my childhood home. That love was not there when the house was originally purchased, and vacant – that love was created by the joy that we shared together as a family, and that is something, that is home you can take with you, wherever you go.

I think we could all be a little more diligent in creating a spirit of love in our homes. Regardless of the family dynamic you have, your home can be filled with love. The world is in desperate need of love-filled homes. Home can be Heaven on earth.

As Dorothy said while clicking the heels of her ruby slippers:  “There is no place like home!” There is no place like home.

Are we teaching our children to work? I recall sitting in a class one Sunday when the question was asked, “How do we teach our children how to work?” We do not live in pioneer days, when the children had to walk, and walk, and walk, and pull handcarts with all their might. With the advance in modern technology many aspects of working hard in the home have been taken away. But not teaching your children to work hard does them -- and even the world -- a very great disservice.

Robert D. Hales said: Work together as a family, even if it may be faster and easier to do the job ourselves. Talk with our sons and daughters as we work together.”

Though we may not have to plow the fields, milk a cow, or do the laundry by hand -- there is still plenty of work to be done. Mothers, have your children help you in the home. Allow them to do the dishes, fold the laundry, vacuum, dust, scrub – whatever needs doing, have them help. When the tire needs changing on the car, or the garage needs to be cleaned-out, have the children come help, and learn. If there is work to be done, don’t leave the children out of it. Allow them to join in the fun! It is good for them! Let them know it is good for them.

Children, ask what you can do to help! I know it is hard, but look around you, and see if there is something you can do to help your mom or dad. Do you know how happy it makes them when you help? Especially when you help without them asking you to?

My parents used to do a lot of home improvement projects, and they would have us do fun thing like dig huge holes for foundations, haul garbage, or help build a deck. In Alaska it was the children who got to put their shoulder to the shovel and bury the cars out of the 4ft of snow in the driveway. We also spent many nights digging out cars that would get stuck in ice and snow, at the end of our street, then we would return inside for hot apple cider and cuddle up by the fire.

There is always plenty of work to be done at home, and everyone should be a part of it. Work together as a family to get the jobs done. Like my grandma always says, “Many hands make light work!”

But let’s not forget that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy . . . which brings me to my most favorite family strengthening principle . . .  

Are we having fun together as families?I think it is such a wonderful thing that we are commanded to have wholesome recreational activities with our families. We are commanded to have FUN together!

Ezra Taft Benson said: Wholesome recreation is part of our religion, and a change of pace is necessary, and even its anticipation can lift the spirit.”

I have a strong testimony of this principle. When I was a child my parents would take us on a day-trip almost every Saturday. My family would load up in the car, my father would pick music for us to sing along to, and we would head out to exotic locations like Portage Glacier, and the ocean front town of Seward that reeked of fish. We also had a tradition of going to Denali National Park every Memorial day and Labor day. My whole family would stay in a small cabin, and somehow the cares of the world would be left behind as we played and sang, and acted silly together. Getting away from school, and friends, and social pressure and just heading out with my family into new places, and seeing God’s beautiful creations, gave me a sense of purpose and meaning as a young person.

Charles and I have had the opportunity to take vacations as a family to places like the beach in San Diego, Garden of the Gods in Colorado, the beauty of the Tetons in Wyoming, and of course, Disneyland. Traveling together, getting out of town, and having some fun, have been some of our most cherished memories. They form strong bonds and create magical moments, and memories to reflect on when times grow tough.

Traveling is wonderful, but you can also just spend time at home, or do things around town. Go for walks, sing together, play games, watch good movies, go for bike rides, go get ice cream --being together and having fun is crucial to happy family life.

Make a great effort to have fun together and build lasting memories that will bond your family together forever.

Family is the most basic and important unit in society and the highest priority for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We can all be more diligent and concerned at home. We are building families and relationships that are meant to last forever. It is worth the effort, and it is why we are here.

The world is fighting against the family, with a constant and aggressive voice shouting across the media and the masses. It will likely get harder as time goes on to defend the family and the sanctity of it. At times it may seem to be a losing battle. But it is not! Do not lose heart. Do not lose faith. Do not lose hope!

As times grow more perilous and the road seems to darken, remember what Samwise Gamgee said to Frodo: “There is some good in this world and it is worth fighting for!” And that good worth fighting for is our families and our homes.

Let us remember that the success of our nation depends not on what happens inside the White House, but on what happens inside our homes. Let’s make home and family our number one priority, and as a result we can change the world for good. As Mother Thersa said: “What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”

And that is my message for you today. Go home, and love your family.