Compliments from Charles

Charles was quick to compliment. I really miss having him around to say lovely and encouraging things to me. If I was ever feeling a little insecure, or weak, he would be quick to offer praise and adoration, to lift my spirits and give me courage.

It is strange not having that influence in my life now. Compliments from others are great, but nothing compares to a compliment from him. It was his love I cared about. It was his praise, and admiration, that I lived for. He knew me the best of anyone ever. So having him compliment me -- someone who knew all of my weaknesses and imperfections -- that just meant everything to me!

As I have been searching Charles' journals, I find the thing I am most interested in is anytime he wrote the word, "Mari." Having his journals in my hands now, and reading about the feelings he had about me for the last 15 years, has sometimes been challenging, and also incredibly beautiful. It is amazing to see his love for me grow over time, just as my love grew for him.

A snippet from his journal in 1999. (We had been dating for a few months…) 

This was, apparently, his favorite picture of  me. 

"I get to be with Mari, she is so great. She is pretty and smart. We spend hours talking together. I love it! She is a very special person. I sure would like to keep her in my life. She is wonderful and has become a very dear friend in a very short time. I love to spend time with her, and talk to her, and to see her. I don't want her to go away. I hope she stays in my life for a long, long, long time!" 

-Charles

A snippet from 2007 that I just found the other day, when I really needed it…  

Picture from 2007, pregnant with William. 

"Mari has grown to become the most beloved and trusted companion I have, or ever shall know. She has that fighting spirit and has such courage to stand up to the world. People like Mari don't come around very often, and I feel fortunate to have found her. She is a woman of biblical reputation and honor." 

-Charles

A snippet from 2010 that made me giggle… 

Random picture from 2010.

"Mari is a strong woman, but she can often exceed the limits of her endurance, which is considerable. However, I am glad she is so strong. If it ever comes to it I know she can pull me from a burning car or rescue me in other life threatening situations." 

-Charles

His last words to me on the morning of April 1st 2014…

"Mari, you are beautiful, and I am proud of you." 

-Charles 

I miss his words of love and encouragement. But somehow, I feel his love in an ever-increasingly powerful way. I know he can still see me, I know he still loves me, and he is so proud of me. I can feel that in an intense and beautiful way. The bond of love is such a glorious thing that we do not fully understand, or appreciate -- especially when that bond is sealed by Heavenly Father, through temple marriage. But one day we will understand, and we will be amazed. I get goosebumps just thinking about it!

I have learned that it is very important to write down your feelings of love. Of course you should speak words of love, and speak them often. But you should also WRITE THEM DOWN! If you keep a journal, or a blog, fill it full of the names of your loved ones, and be specific about why you love them. They surely will not care what the weather was like on any given day, or what pant size you fit into. When you die (and you will!), people will want to know how you really feel about them. Make an effort to write notes of love and encouragement, to those you love. It may not be natural for you to write your feelings, but do it anyway! They will mean everything when you are gone. They really do! I treasure every compliment Charles has ever given me, every mushy email, and every journal entry mentioning his love for me.

I am working on gathering all the compliments/thoughts that Charles had written down. I am putting them all in one place that I can go to, when I need a quick Charles compliment pick-me-up.

I would love to make a plaque, or something, that says, "Mari, you are beautiful, and I am proud of you! Love, Charles," to go in my bathroom. He said those words to me while he stood in the bathroom getting ready on April 1st, and I saw his reflection in the mirror for the last time. I would love to have those words in the bathroom -- somewhere by the mirror -- to remind me of Charles' love, and inspiring last words -- especially if I am having a bad-hair day. :-)

Those words -- his final compliment until I see him again -- have been permanently etched in my heart forever. Telling me I am beautiful, and he is proud of me… he could not have said anything more profound, or meaningful. He must have been inspired in that moment to open his mouth, and utter the words I would need to hear. It was only minutes later he stopped breathing.

I love Charles.

Words are powerful. Use them wisely. 

You never know which day, and breath, will be your last. Do not put off expressing your love for a later day. Do it today. Do it now!

"They do not love that do not show their love." 

Write. Your. Love. Down.

The mushier, the better.