Healing is Hard

Henry has had a rough week. He is healing really well, but not without pain and discomfort. Because of the surgery, he has had a hard time going to the bathroom (in his diaper). His plumbing is not quite working properly, and it has caused him to squat in a corner and scream in agony. He is on all the medicines, laxatives, etc., that he should take -- but it does not relieve all the pain. It is still hard work to heal. 

When he is not in such pain he seems fine. Most of the time he seems OK, but then he will just drop to his knees and shriek. Night time is the worst, as the pain seems to magnify when he is still, and not moving. We have not slept much over this last week. I am kind of in a time-warp. Everything other then tending to Henry's needs has been pushed aside. 

He has gone through about 100 diapers over the course of the week. He says over and over, "Henry's poopy! Henry's poopy!" He isn't, but everything feels all wrong for him down there. Poor thing. It is hard to get him to eat much besides popsicles. He moans, and mostly just wants to lay in bed and watch a movie. His surgery was a big deal. It is going to take time to heal. 

One night I was so tired, I prayed that God would allow the angels to attend him to take away his pain, and allow him to sleep, and be comforted. My prayers were not working. He was still in so much pain. And then I realized, maybe I should change my prayers. I realized I was not completely spent in energy, I was tired but still OK. I changed my prayers to, "Please help me to have the strength to be Henry's angel, to help comfort and heal him." After that prayer, I felt the strength I needed to tend to his needs -- which have been constant and many -- and somehow, even in the middle of the night, I have not felt totally exhausted. It has been a miracle. 

Sometimes we have to be the angels who comfort and heal. It is always appropriate to pray for the strength to be able to do what needs to be done. God will give you the strength. He will help you to know what to do, and give you the endurance to handle the challenge. If it does become too much for you to handle, that is when He will send in His reinforcements. Henry has only really let me help him, but my parents are here for me, to back me up. I have needed them. There have been moments when I have needed to be in two places at once, and I just couldn't. I am Henry's angel, and my mom and dad are mine. 

It has been a challenge, to be sure. But it has not been without some smiles, and happy moments too. We are all so excited when Henry does finally relieve himself, and when he has moments of peace and joy. He does not want to be kept down, he wants to be jumping on the couch and playing, but he just can't right now, and his body tells him so. He may jump a few times, but it does not last long before he has to retreat to his bed and rest. He knows he needs to take it easy. His body tells him so, and as a child, he will listen. 

This has made me think about the things I have been through in this last year. In the beginning, after Charles died, I was so broken. I did not want to be broken, or in pain, but I was. I fought against it with everything I had, but there were times I would fall to my knees and cry in agony. I was doing everything I could spiritually to heal like reading scriptures, praying, temple attendance, etc., but it took time to properly heal the wounds of my heart. At night the pain was the worst, as I would be still.  I could feel the effects more profoundly when I was not up and moving around. But I was comforted by angels -- on both sides of the veil -- and because of that, I have been able to mend my broken heart and keep moving forward. It takes time. 

I think sometimes we want to rush things. We want to get better too quickly, when true healing takes time and effort. I am not so sure what the rush is, are we in a hurry to die? When we are hurt, or broken, or in pain, we need to slow down and take it easy. The world will keep spinning whether we are moving fast or slow. But we will break if we try to go too fast, when we are meant to slow down. 

Healing is hard. It takes time. It requires patience. 

I am working on that patience thing.