Turning Sorrow to Sunshine in my Room

My room was filled with the color blue. It was also filled with lots of little reminders of Charles' passing, and images that had to do with focusing on the past. I had pictures of my ancestors, pioneers crossing the plains, and things of days gone by. My room felt like it was trapped in sorrow, and dwelling on history; rather than looking to the future.

I wanted to change that.

I decided it was time to turn my sorrowful room, into a room of hope and sunshine. I decided what my blue needed was the accent of yellow -- the color of joy and light. I also decided to move all of the past reminders out of my room and into the living room. I love my pictures and images of history, but I need to focus on being alive now, and I need to look to the future with hope. I feel I best honor the past by living in the now. I want my room to reflect that desire. It is my place of pondering, and I want my thoughts to be guided in the right direction -- forward, not back.

I found a bunch of bright images, with positive quotes, to place around my room. It felt so good to put away the old, and add the new. My room is now full of hope and light. It feels like a sunny day. It feels like walking into a smile. And that is exactly what I need right now. Everywhere I look there is an inspirational quote to help me keep my head up, and live for the day.

I am not quite finished with adding sunshine to my space, it is not completely put together, but these things take time. I think I have found a new favorite color though. I am kind of in love with yellow, it is such a bright, cheerful, color; the color of a smiley face.

I must say, changing things up just felt like the right thing to do. I actually like change.

Change is good.

I recently watched a Mormon message about a widow who was struggling to move forward. You can watch it: HERE. She said something in her message that struck me to the core. She said she prayed and God told her that her husband is not coming back, and she needs to move forward. That message rang in my ears, permeated my heart, and repeated itself over and over: "He is not coming back, he is not coming back."  

I still had Charles' shoes taking up half of our front closet, there were some items of his I had not removed from the house; personal items, that should be taken care of, or put in storage. After listening to that message, I felt it was time to put all his things away, once and for all. I was still feeling like he might need those shoes in the closet. I felt like maybe if I left them there, he would come and claim them. But he is not coming back. At least not in a form that would require shoes.

I am starting to realize I am going to have to move forward, without Charles. I often feel like I need to check in with him about decisions I make, or things that I do -- but I do not. The only person I need to check in with is God. He is the One guiding my future and my family. I am the one who needs to be in tune with God, so I can know what He would have me do. I am always requesting to know God's will for me and my family. I am always asking what He needs me to do, and I try and listen. I know He will not lead me astray. He loves me. He wants what is best for me.  I try to remember that when I realize so much is out of my control. All things are in His control. I need to trust Him.

I felt this a stroke of inspiration to make these subtle changes in my home. It feels great. It feels right. I feel it a step in the right direction to looking to the future with hope and faith.

As I approach the one year mark, I am eager to feel that sunshine in my soul. I am eager to move forward with faith in a bright future. I am hopeful that good things are coming. I plan to make good things happen.

You will notice that I did not remove the blue from my room; it is there still, but now it is sprinkled with yellow sunlight, and that is how it is in my heart too.

Blue and yellow. Sorrow and sunshine. They go well together.