10 Things I've Learned About Being an Introvert

I am an introvert. I am really happy to be an introvert. I am not a huge fan of labels that are used to define people; but there are some benefits in learning more about why I am, the way I am, and this is a label that happens to fit. I have recently been learning more about my introversion, and how it shapes who I am as a person. The more I can learn about myself, and the way I function, the more I can use my particular set of skills, in a way that will be more meaningful and powerful.

I have this overwhelming desire to change the world... from the comfort of my home.

Some may feel that being labeled an introvert is like being diagnosed with a social disease; this is so far from the truth. We live in a socially-connected world -- a loud and proud world -- where being an extravert seems the only way to success. But extraversion is not a requirement for a happy life. I do not know the exact math, so don't quote me on this; but I have read that introversion and extraversion is spilt pretty evenly down the middle, with 50 percent of the population being inclined one way or the other.

I am comfortable being a part of the introverted 50 percent.

My introversion-acceptance has not always been easy. I was very uncomfortable in my youth: at school, at church, in large social settings. I never understood why. I was not shy. I liked people and friends. I just often felt overwhelmed in my social surroundings. I would always be looking for an out -- a door in particular -- or a way to run away quickly if need be. I did not realize, or understand, why I felt so uncomfortable, so much of the time. I longed to be equal amongst my more outgoing, and socially-inclined friends. I thought in order to be liked and successful, then I would need to be something I was not. But I simply could not even fake it. I could not fake the girlish shrieks and cheerleader-style energy that seemed so natural for others in my social circles. I could not pretend to be excited, about something that was not exciting.

I still can't fake it.

As I have learned more about being an introvert, it is becoming much more clear to me that, yes, this has been my struggle. I say "struggle" as if being an introvert is a bad thing, but now I see that is the opposite of what it is. It is a beautiful thing! My struggle has been in wanting to be something that I am not. I am not the overly-social, super-spunky, cheerleader type. I am the minimally-social, deep-feeling, analytical thinker type. As I embrace this part of my personality, I find that I feel joy in being created in such a way. I know that God created me this way for a reason, and this gives me great comfort, peace, and purpose.

Let me explain what being an introvert is like for me.

I literally have so much going on in my head at all times, that if I am placed in a large over-stimulating environment, it is hard for my brain to take all of the information in at the same time. I do not just take in the environment I am in, I process it through my brain, my memories, my physical senses, and my emotions. What I experience is felt on a deep emotional level, no matter the environment. This is not a bad thing. It can be a very good and beautiful thing, to see the world in such a deep and intense way. I am allowed a certain depth to life, that makes life feel almost romantic; for lack of a better word.

I am not just a deep thinker, I also feel very deeply.

This is a very good thing!

If I am an introvert, then why do I love to perform, speak, teach, and share so much on my blog? Well, because I am in control of the situation. As long as I am prepared, I actually enjoy public speaking, teaching, and performing. Sure, I get nervous, but it also energizes me. Blogging is amazing, because I can share my inner most thoughts and feelings, from the very peaceful and serene environment of my room. I can open my heart to those who read, and it is very satisfying for me to let others into my mind and heart. I have a lot on my mind at all times, right? So sometimes it is like relieving the pressure in my mind, when I write. Performing has the same affect, because I can let others see the depth of my heart through speaking, or a musical performance. The more intense the content of the material performed, written, etc., the more satisfied I feel.

I thought I would create a list of 10 things I have learned about being an introvert. Perhaps you will identify with some of these things, or, perhaps, if you are an extravert, you will learn a little something about the more reserved other half. (My children might disagree that I am reserved, because as a mother, reservedness flies out the window -- especially now that we own a puppy!) 

Also, I would like to note that I have developed more extraverted qualities over time, out of circumstantial necessity. Just because I might identify with most of the qualities of introversion, it does not mean I cannot step out of my comfort zone from time-to-time, and I reserve the right to do so! I have not studied the middle ground of being both an introvert and an extravert at the same time (is that possible?). I am pretty solid in my introverted ways, so learning more about what it means to be an introvert has been beneficial for me.

Here are some things I've learned about myself...

10 Things I've Learned About Being an Introvert

1. I need to be alone to recharge. But, I sure hope you do not mistake my need to be alone as being rude, or aloof. I love being with people, but I much prefer the warmth that comes from small group interactions, and I especially love one-on-one conversations. I come alive with a very small amount of people, and I retreat when the numbers begin to grow. Large parties or gatherings are not my forte, they often feel overwhelming and exhausting. I do not mind parties in my home, because, well, they are in my domain, and I can control the environment. I need and want my alone time, and I become sucked of energy if I cannot take some time to myself to regroup and recharge. Yes, sometimes I hide in my room from my children. Trust me, it is best for everyone.

2. I love deep conversation. The deeper the conversation, the more I am captivated and energized. I do not always need or want to be alone, I love people too. I thrive on having conversations about things that require my brain to really work and spin. I love learning new things and ideas from others, and I enjoy trying to solve a mystery or problem. (Not a math problem!) I like to try and understand people, deep questions, and the cosmos. Just don't ask me to have these kind of conversations on the phone, unless you are a close relative. I do not like talking on the phone.

3. I am not shy, or quiet. I actually enjoy talking a lot, maybe too much. But I am not a fan of being the center of attention in a large group, or the focus of the conversation, because that makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time. I can also become drained by spending too much time socializing. It is not out of fear of talking to people, I just have a limited about of emotional energy to spend, so I have to be aware of how I spend it. Maybe I should make a spreadsheet, so I can budget and track my emotional input and output. That wouldn't be weird.

4. I work the best on my own. Working in groups is a challenge for me, for sure. High school group projects were the worst. I have since worked in groups in other areas of life, and though it is still challenging, I manage much better as an adult. I am the most productive when I am left to conquer something, without someone looking over my shoulder. I can collaborate with others to get something done, as long as I have some freedom in how I accomplish my part of the project. Even though I don't love working in groups, I also recognize there is strength in numbers; because I am not smart enough to change the world on my own.

5. I love introspection. That is pretty clear by the fact that I am writing this post. I love to try and figure out who I am, why I do things the way I do, and what makes me unique. I also love to look around me and do the same for others. I am a people-watcher, and I love to try and understand what makes other people do the things they do. This can make places like church a little challenging for me, because I can be quite distracted. I will be listening to a lesson or talk, but thinking about how it is affecting the people in the congregation, based on information that I know about them. My heart can be touched not only for myself, but I will take on the emotions of others. If I have a superpower, it is that I can absorb the feelings in a room. Sometimes this does feel more of a burden, than a blessing. Perhaps this is why I still locate myself near an escape route, in case emotional evacuation is necessary.

6. I cannot stop thinking. My brain is always on the go, always. I am not always thinking about things of value, but I always have something on my mind that causes it to spin and twist in various directions. I do not have a smooth train of thought, that follows a nicely laid out track; my thoughts operate more like bumper cars that smash into each other violently and without warning, sometimes causing emotional whiplash. I do not stop thinking even when I am asleep. I have very vivid dreams that put on a production in my subconscious mind. My dreams light up the darkness of the night with drama and mystery. My dreams also follow the bumper car pattern of disjointed chaos.

7. I am more comfortable speaking in front of a lot of people, than I am making small talk. Now, this is still true, but I am changing as I get older. I do not find small talk as tedious as I once did in my youth, and I am grateful for that. The more I practice something like just chatting with others, the less uncomfortable it gets, proving people can change overtime. Again, this has nothing to do with how I feel about people -- I love people -- I just do not possess the gift of gab, at least when it comes to small talk with people I do not know. (Think of the Mr. Darcy type.) I think I would scare most people if I just asked them the questions that were really on my mind. I often want to ask the cashier at the grocery store to tell me about their childhood, rather than just discussing the weather, or whether or not I "found everything I was looking for." Small talk is an area where I am constantly forced out of my comfort zone, therefore, I am caused to stretch and grow, and that's a good thing.

8. I love extraverts. I married an extravert. I was always amazed at how he would move around with such ease in any social setting. I was enchanted by his charisma, charm and energy. He was never over-the-top and obnoxious in social setting, and he could also be very calm; he needed alone time too. He was also a deep thinker, and so we connected immediately on that level. Our different energies were the perfect balance for our relationship. I feel like I am a "safe and solid landing" for the extraverted type. And I have need for the high-energy enthusiasm extraverts bring to my life, too. We just go together like peanut butter and jelly. No, that is not quite it? Hmmmm... Peanut butter and Nutella... oh yeah!

9. I have been called an "old soul." I have heard this many times, even from my therapist. Introverts often think before speaking, and so it can make them seem wise. I am not saying I am wise, I am just saying that I often do think before I speak. Sometimes I just do not think long enough before I speak, and therefore, no wisdom is spoken. Meaning, either I remain silent, or I say something foolish. So, make no mistake -- old soul, or not -- I have said plenty of things I have regretted later. And I am sure, even positive, I will regret my spoken words again in the future. I admit I have felt like an old soul for most of my life. This was frustrating when I was a teenager. However, my teenage journals show no evidence of wisdom; they are filled with signatures of my first name (Mari) and the last names of the boys (no way I am sharing those names) that I had crushes on at the time.

10. I love to write. Often introverts are better at writing, then they are at speaking. It goes back to that thinking before speaking thing, it feels safer somehow. When you write, you can really think about what you want to say, and then write it. I could not get the topic of introversion out of my mind today, and so, I wrote about it. I feel better now. Whew! 

It is clear to me, that we are all given different gifts and abilities in this life. I believe as we come to discover what our individual gifts are, and how we can best apply our gifts and talents, then the world will be a better place for our contribution -- no matter how big, or how small -- our contributions may be.

The world is full of labels for a vast array of unique qualities and abilities, and like I said, I am not fond of labels. But labels can be helpful in identifying those qualities and skills we possess, and then they can be magnified and used for the greatest good. When we discover those remarkable things about ourselves, we can move forward with greater resolve and purpose.

Labels do not need to define us, but they can help refine us.

I have learned that I do not need to fight against being an introvert. Being an introvert is awesome!

As I accept my particular set of skills, and my individual way of thinking, then I will be far more useful and effective in the things I choose to do. I used to think that being an extravert was superior to being an introvert, but that was faulty thinking. We are each unique and amazing individuals, and we need each other, with all of our differences and singular abilities. I love all of my introverted and extraverted friends and family, and I learn so much from all the people I encounter in this life. I am grateful for the associations that I am privileged to have.

I am also grateful that I am able to discover who I am, more fully. You would think that a 37 year old woman should know who she is, but sometimes it takes awhile to accept oneself in totality.

I am at a place in my life now where I can honestly say:

I love being an introvert!