Up On the Roof Talking to God

The roof is a great place to look at the stars, and talk to God. At least that is what Sammi says. I found her in this position last night, just staring at the sky. She let me know that she does this often. She is a very spiritual person, and she needs these kind of quiet moments to dream, believe, and draw closer to her Heavenly Father. I am all for it, of course. She is in a house full of boys, and a dog, and so sometimes the roof is the best place to escape. 

A girl needs time to think and breathe. 

I was down below her, sitting with my tiki lamps, reading my scriptures, and communicating with my Heavenly Father. I wonder how He can hear and answer our prayers at the same time? I have theories about this; but only theories, and so I will not share them here. All I know is that God is in His Heaven, He loves us, and He does answer our prayers in His time, and in His way. 

I was able to receive some answers to questions last night, and I was also able to receive some questions to ask my therapist. I posed the questions before my therapist today, and warned him beforehand that they were deep, and I asked him to really stop and think before just answering. He told me I was scaring him (this is normal, I am scary), and then he took on my challenge with grace and compassion. 

I must say, I love my therapist. Not in a weird way, of course. (He is a 70 year old man.) But he is so kind and understanding. He cried tears of truth and compassion, as he was explaining something personal and profound. This caused me to cry, and we just sat there crying together. (He lost his father when he was very young, and so he is the perfect match for my journey.) We had a good cry-fest conversation today, with a lot of back-and-forth, and searching for satisfactory answers. I am not afraid to interrupt if he is sharing an idea that does not quite resonate with me, or if I disagree, or if I have a different theory or perspective. (I am polite, but pushy.) I am trying to get to the bottom of deep things, and so this is my only place to be pushy, and explore my really nitty-gritty feelings.

He will probably need therapy by the time he is through with me.

He really is so great and patient. Remember how I did not want to even go to a therapist? Well, I think it is perhaps one of the best things I am doing for myself at this time. I feel like he is an emotional blacksmith, helping me rebuild my spiritual armor, so I can have the tools I need to fight into the future. And the future will be a fight, to be sure.

We talked about the weight I have to carry on my shoulders, and the strength that is expected of me as a widowed, single mother. He validated my strength, and abilities. And at one point today, this little, old, highly-spiritual man, said, "I do not know why you have had to go through all this crap." Ding, ding, ding! He did it! HALLELUJAH! Do you know how satisfying it was to hear that? He nailed it. 

Nailed it. 

If you are looking for comforting words to say to someone in an awful situation... there is your golden-ticket line. And make sure and say "crap," because that sealed the deal for me. Seriously though, that is what people who are mourning/grieving want. All the highly-spiritual answers are not comforting in the moments of intense grief and sorrow. The spiritual answers are true, of course, but those who mourn, likely already know the truth, or don't want to hear it, at such a time. It is compassion, heart-felt mourning with those who mourn, that makes the difference. We do not need to "fix" those who mourn, or answer their grief with gospel truths. I find that, for me, I start to resent those truths when used in such a way. It is compassion -- going to the depths with someone -- that will help those who mourn to not feel so alone. If you go there with them, then the rest of the healing offered will be so much more well received. 

Jesus set the perfect example of how to mourn with those that mourn: John Chapter 11: 32-35

32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,

34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.

35 Jesus wept.

Normally, what stands out to me is that Jesus wept, but as I read it this time, what stood out to me was that, "he groaned in spirit, and was troubled." This struck me, and it made me love my Savior even more. He who knew he had the power to raise from the dead, groaned upon the news of death, and was troubled by it. This is very profound to me. To all who wish to comfort those in need of comfort; it is the pattern to follow. 

My therapist did follow that pattern, and his compassion healed a piece of my broken heart. Because he has been willing to cry with me, and allow me to feel my real feelings, I am a much more willing patient as he instructs me in my healing process.

Today he was very sweet when I left, he said, "You probably think I say this to all the girls, but you just light up this room with your sprit. It must be your purity." I responded with, "Thank you, but I am not pure. I am good, but I am so not pure, and I cannot live up to that standard." He chuckled at my correction. I responded with, "No really... I'm good, not pure." 

My therapist is also an introvert, and so he understands some core characteristics that I possess, which makes it easier to share my deep stuff openly and honestly. It also helps me, to feel like I am somehow also helping him, as he shares his experiences of facing tragic death, and enduring. So it is a win-win in my book. 

Hooray for healing! 

On to more random stuff of the day... 

Zoie is really growing. She is getting so big. She will be a very large dog. 

 There has been lots of LEGO building around here.

 And dog cuddling.

 I found this box of strawberries with a bite out of each one. No, it was not Zoie.

The LEGO pile. I love for the kids to play LEGOS, but I do not love stepping on them. 

It has been mild weather around here. I am so good with that! I am sure the summer heat will come to roast us too.

I am really feeling better! I have been able to run, and feel alive. I am so grateful, I cannot even express my gratitude in words.

Henry sat with me outside and fell asleep. I sure love this kiddo of mine. He is so full of life, and I love that he will still snuggle with me.

Sammi made The Phantom of the Opera out of LEGOS. It was not a set, she just used her imagination... pretty darn good imagination! We are going to see Phantom on stage next week! Woo!

 I was driving home from my therapist, and I found these two cute girls running together.

I picked up a special breakfast this morning, because I felt like surprising the kids. We do not normally eat such lovely breakfasts. I just had a skip in my step after my therapy session, so I skipped to the store and grabbed some yummy food.

I also skipped Daniel over to his orthodontist appointment. He is getting fitted for Invisalign. We opted for that option, rather than braces, because of his singing and playing instruments. I am excited to get him started. Isn't it so amazing what can be done with teeth? I am so grateful for the technology that is available to take care of such things.

I am really trying to document daily life better... it is kind of fun to take pictures of just the normal life stuff. I know you really want to see the good stuff, like inside of Daniel's mouth, and inside my therapy sessions.