Really, Mom?

I write a lot about how to be more sensitive to the feelings of others. The reason I write about it, is mainly for me. I have a lot to learn. I have good intentions, but I can be completely ridiculous, and often simply clueless, most of the time. This was reconfirmed yesterday. 

I went to the store and I saw a movie on sale that I really love: Father of the Bride. It is cute and funny, and I just like it. Well, I brought it home, Sammi pulled it out of the shopping bag, and she exclaimed, "Really, mom?!" I was still busily putting away groceries, so it took me a minute to understand her response. 

And then I got it. 

Father of the Bride? What was I thinking? 

Of course, Sammi's father will not be at her wedding, and it was a trigger for her. 

I apologized, we discussed the movie, and her feelings. We did determine that despite the sensitive topic of the movie, it is still worth the watch. We had an, "Oh brother, seriously?" moment. (These happen quite often, actually. Where normal life things become not-so-normal, with a reference to a deep inner pain.) She was not mad at me, we were mostly joking about it, and how clueless I can be sometimes. But I really, really, did not even think twice about the purchase being an emotional trigger. This just shows that I can be insensitive with the best of them. 

I am learning. Always learning. 

So I may talk a big talk (or write a big write?), but in reality, I am often left feeling like an emotionally-insensitive goober. It is also impossible not to affect others with our actions/words, no matter the intentions. I was not thinking: "I want to set-off an emotional trigger in Sammi by getting this movie! Yeah! Let's make her squirm!" But that was the result of my actions. I guess what I am saying is, we all have to give and take in situations, because so often people do not mean to offend, or set off triggers. I even think most of the time people are not trying to hurt others. So that compassion and understanding really has to go both ways, because we've all got deep emotional "stuff," right?

I am still excited to watch the movie. Sammi wants to watch it, too. 

My children have different triggers and things that send electricity through their emotions. Our experiences with loss are different. I've never lived without my father. My parents are still happily married to this day (they just celebrated their 53rd anniversary yesterday!). So, it is an interesting balance trying to understand my loss of spouse feelings, and their loss of father feelings. This is part of that heavy weight I carry, and they carry it too; because they have to manage in a world of having a widow as a mother, and all the fun that entails. 

It is not like any of us will just "get over" the loss, we just have to learn how to go through it. I was reminded in another way a few days ago, how deeply the loss of Charles really affects each one of my children in different ways. I am grateful for understanding children who cut me some slack, because I do the best I can, but still make mistakes on a daily basis. Mistakes asides, this family of mine... oh man, I love them. And I know they love me, too. And I could not ask for more. I am thoroughly enjoying these summer days where they are home with me. Though the food sure seems to disappear more quickly...

On to other things... 

Is it just me, or is the cottonwood particularly gross this year? I am feeling good, but when I go out and inhale the cotton, it makes me feel kind of gross. Especially in areas where it is snowing cotton. Yuck! 

 I love weeping willow trees. They are so enchanting, like something out of a fairytale.

 There are lots of little flowers in bloom right now.

 The river is starting to go back down to normal. But still, I do not know if the trails will be safe until after summer. This is such a bummer not being able to go on the trails, because it is a favorite activity for our family. Maybe we will get lucky and the river will allow us some time to enjoy it this summer.

 This was by the houses on the trail. The trail was filled with water last week.

 I guess it's a risk you take living by water.

 I just love this beautiful world we live in.

I enjoy going to the store, most of the time. It is one of those things where some back-up would be nice. If we need something, it is up to me to get it. I am grateful for stores so closely located to our home. This is an area of life where a companion is probably taken for granted. When I was so sick, the store was not a place I loved going, but I had to do it anyway. Looking back, I have no idea how I would make it sometimes. I think angels where literally dragging me around so I could fulfill my motherly duties. I am feeling better now, and so the store feels better too.

Yesterday, I took Daniel on our weekly shopping trip. We came across this lovely contraption. (It was tempting, but I did not get it-- I opted for the emotionally-disturbing movie for Sammi instead.) It is a fishing pole for marshmallow roasting. I mean, seriously? How fun would this be?

 Fred Meyers, how I love thee.

I like to take a nap sometimes during the day, who's with me? I do not always get one, but when I can grab a bit of rest, I will take it. Now that I am running again, I find that the 3 o'clock in the afternoon hour makes me want to snuggle on the couch, and grab some anti-beast sleep.

Curious George was playing in the background while I rested. I actually love these shows, is that weird? It reminds me of simple and sweet days when the older kids were little, and I was a stay-at-home mom, and not a stay-in-the-car-mom.  I used to take more time and sit and watch the shows with them... I just don't do that anymore, unless my eyes are closed and I'm snoring.

 Henry also falls asleep in the afternoon sometimes, and that is when I seize the moment and join him.

 This icepack. I love it. Squeezing the little gel balls is like its own form of therapy. Very soothing.

Last night the kiddos turned on Disney videos. They love to learn about everything Disneyland. There are a lot of great videos out there to watch to help feel that Disney magic. Last night we watched the Fantasmic Show that they put on at Disneyland and Disney World.

For the Disney World show click: HERE

For the Disneyland show click: HERE

Video from our last Disney trip: HERE 

We are nuts, I know, about Disneyland. But it has been a place that holds deep memories from my youth, and for my children, too. When we go there, it is like childhood is unleashed, and joy and happiness are unlocked. I can't explain it, except that it is magic! 

My kids were near tears when they watched these shows, because of the memories it brings back. Good, sweet, happy memories.

 Daniel braided my hair during the show.

 I believe in the magic!