Patience and Joy

Waiting is hard work. This is something I am discovering more and more, as life goes on. My current circumstances require that I exercise a bit of patience. I have many hopes and dreams for life, and I have even been given some direction from my Heavenly Father that I intend to follow; but I am also required to listen, to trust, and to wait upon the Lord as I seek after the answers to my questions, and to discover the path I am meant to take.

The answer I have been receiving lately is loud and clear: "Be patient, Mari."

A few months ago I went to the temple and received an unexpected answer to some questions I was seeking. The answer had nothing to do with the questions I had laid before my Father in Heaven. It was a totally different path; one I had not considered, nor one that I really desired at the time. I am not inclined to share all things here on my blog, but I will share that I am meant to get myself in order, as to be prepared for things to come. I have been doing my best to do just that. I am trying to piece myself together -- not back together, but in new form -- so that I can best move into the future with faith.

I have discovered that being patient is very much an action word. I am not meant to sit around going "Ho-Hum" until the answers come to me. I am meant to act. I am meant to live life fully, and as I do, the answers will come my way, naturally, and beautifully, and in the Lord's time. I do not have to force things to happen in an unnatural and uncomfortable way, or always be frustrated that what is happening now is not what I want it to be. I am capable of making the most of my days, and myself, and if I trust God, and look to Him in all things; miracles will happen.

Miracles are happening daily.

I am very pleased with how far I have come over the course of the last year. I could never have dreamed that I would be able to feel so good, and so happy, so soon after the death of my husband. Of course I desperately miss him, I have good days and bad days (like everyone else), and I long to be with him again, but I also have great hopes for a happy and wonderful life. My heart requires this hope from me.

If you do not have hope, what do you have?

I recently taught a lesson about Jesus as The Light of the World. As I studied what that really means, and as I made a study of seeking the Light, I felt my mind illuminate with joy and peace. Have you ever looked up all the scriptures on light? You should try it. What stood out the most to me was that as we seek for the Light, then the darkness will be dispelled, and we can see clearly the path before our feet. God said He will: "Be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments." (1 Nephi 17:13)

I make a great effort to seek after the Light. Jesus is that Light. I spend much of my time in prayer, in studying, in drawing myself closer to Him. I require a lot of time to connect with God, it is part of who I am. Some people may think I am not very social, but the reality is, I have to spend a lot of time being social with my Heavenly Father and drawing closer to my Savior. They understand me completely, so that makes it nice.

I recently was able to go back to the temple. I had not gone for over a month because of my leg surgeries. I missed it terribly, and I could even feel the darkness literally creeping in around me as I missed out on the power I receive from attending the sacred building. There is true power from going to The House of the Lord. We do a lot of good for others by going, and serving, but the blessings we receive are of great power and light. I am so grateful I can go again regularly, so I can bask in the Light of the Lord's House.

I require that connection with Heaven. I need all the power and light I can get!

As I continue to exercise patience, I find myself stretching and toning my spirit. I learn so much, as I know that God has a plan for me, and I have to be actively seeking to fulfill His will for my life. I have grown in great leaps and bounds in just a years time, I can only imagine what I will have learned as life continues to press forward, and my mind and heart continues to learn the lessons that God intends for my life.

I find that being patient is much more tolerable when I am seeking out the light, and actively pursuing  things that are good and pleasing to God. I find I actually want life to slow down, so I can enjoy what life is now; rather than always wishing for the next phase to come so quickly. My todays turn into yesterdays before my eyes at a rapidly increasing rate, there is no need to make life go any faster! There is a level of excitement to life when you are living on patience and longing. The anticipation can sometimes be as thrilling as the future event that is desired. Perhaps instead of wishing days away to speed up the process of life; perhaps this day, today, can be more fully and freely enjoyed.

I know there are exciting things to come for me, but I also know that this day is one of those exciting days of my life, so I might as well love it!

I can say now, more than a year later after enduring -- and even often enjoying -- this trial I have experienced; I would not take it from me.

It is not in my nature to simply endure life as it slips past me day by day.

I am not patiently waiting to die: I am eagerly, and with great enthusiasm, excited to live!

Hooray for today!

As Elder Uchtdorf said: 

There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!

Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness.

To prove my point, here is a picture I found from some of my very earliest blogging days (2007) around this same time of year. It was 8 years ago, when William was born. I was hoping and wishing for the future to come fast. We were in law school and I was longing for brighter days ahead. I had no idea I only had 7 years left with Charles. All I am saying is don't wish away your todays. You just never know how precious they really are.