To Where you Are

I went to the Temple this morning. I wanted to go a few weeks ago, but I was just not ready yet. I am still learning to control the ugly cry… I am getting better at it. I find that if I just let the tears come freely, I am better able to avoid the bursting-out of body trembling emotion. (I do NOT promise never to ugly-cry in public, it may happen, sorry in advance.) 

The temple was beautiful. It was just what I needed. I shed many tears. So many things come to mind when you are sitting in The House of God. I did feel Charles very near there with me. More than anything, I just felt a sense of peace and comfort. I feel peace and comfort so powerfully now -- my comfort is equal to the trial I am facing. Amazing! Sometimes I ask myself, "How can it be?" 

Why do I feel so at peace with all of this? Is there something wrong with me? 

The thing is, despite my grief and sorrow for the loss of my sweetheart -- I KNOW that God lives, and that death is a part of life. It is a part of life we ALL must face. It is a part of life we don't really like to talk about too much, but now it is part of my daily dialogue. I also know where Charles is right now. I know what he is doing, and I know he is free from sorrow and pain, and worldly cares. I find myself drawing closer and closer to the things of Heaven as I study, pray, and seek after those things. I am so comforted by the knowledge that I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

I have been focusing my gospel/scripture study lately on the Spirit World, and things pertaining to life after death. The Spirit World has suddenly become a very tangible place for me. When half of your whole is there, it makes the link to Heaven, and Heavenly things, that much stronger. (If you want to learn more about what happens after you die, go to www.lds.org and search "Spirit World".)

I admit I was hoping for something special to occur with this temple visit. The temple experience was wonderful, and powerful -- but it was immediately after leaving the temple, getting in the car, and turning on some music that my heart was touched, and my special moment occurred. 

Just as soon as I started the car, a song came on called, "To Where you Are." It was performed by Celtic Women. Both my mom and I sat in wonderment as we listened to the message of the song. It was as if someone had picked it out special just for me. I was driving down the freeway with tears in my eyes, and a burning in my heart. I knew the song was no accident. Heavenly Father knows the best way to get to me is through music. 

The song was beautiful and painful at the same time. The pain and beauty of music now… I will blog about that another day. 

Do you know how much I love Charles? Do you know the kind of love that we have? I just feel so blessed having that love in my life. I know it is a special kind of love that very few people get to enjoy. And though my time with him on Earth was cut short, he is mine forever, and I am his. OK, OUCH, I can't think about our love too much right now -- it kind of hurts. *Sniff*

I love him forever. Thank goodness for forever… if I did not know I have forever with him, I would be a wreck. 

Here are the lyrics to the beautiful song…I was going to post a video of the lady singing it, but the video is not as powerful as just hearing it. Maybe I will try singing it sometime… Josh Groban also sings the song if you want to google it. 

"To Where You Are"

Who can say for certain

Maybe you're still here

I feel you all around me

Your memory's so clear

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be

That you are mine

Forever love

And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

Are you gently sleeping

Here inside my dream

And isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away

I cherish all you gave me everyday

'Cause you are my

Forever love

Watching me from up above

And I believe

That angels breathe

And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up

To where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile

To know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

I know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

I love the temple. Because of the covenants and blessings performed in the temple, I get to be with my love for time and eternity. That knowledge lifts my soul to indescribable happiness, and joy -- even now. Especially now! Charles has passed onto the next stage of life, a beautiful, restful, glorious phase of life. He is so alive, and so happy -- I testify of that. I am alive, and I am happy, too. Both Heavenly Father, and Charles, want me to be happy -- so I had better be! Right? Right! 

Each day is a gift from God.

Live and love life to the very fullest!