April 2014: The Most Spiritual Month of my Life

It has been 1 month since Charles died. The month of April has been one of the most eventful, uplifting, and interesting months of my entire life.  Each day has been full of activity, and important things that need to be done. It has been a whirlwind, but through it all I have had a great peace fill my life. I can honestly say, I have never, ever, been closer to God than I am now. I suppose I have Charles to thank for that. Thanks, my love! 

I find myself placed firmly in God's hands. There is no where else I would rather be! 

The strange thing is, through all that has gone on, I still feel like me, like "normal" me. Well, I suppose I feel like a more "elevated" me, with all the incredible spiritual experiences I have had, in such a short amount of time. But I do not feel depressed, with a great hole in my heart. I do not feel pain. I feel full of life, and love, and joy. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Am I so heartless that I do not feel what I am supposed to feel? Am I made of stone? 

No. 

My love for Charles is Eternal, and Everlasting. His mortal body has been laid to rest, but he still lives on -- he is just in the "next room," so to speak. He dwells in the Spirit World, which exists in this World. We just cannot see it. If God were to touch our eyes, and allow us to see the Spirits of those departed around us, we could see them. Those who have passed on are never far away -- I can testify to that. Charles has been with me, and our children, in a more powerful way than ever. He is still with us. He will continue to be with us. He will not miss the important events of our children's lives, he will be there! Baptisms, missions, marriages, grandchildren -- he will be there for all of it. I know it! And I believe that is why there is no hole in my heart. There is no hole, because he is not truly gone, he lives! We feel him in a very powerful way in our family. Each child has had their own special moments with knowing daddy is still there.  

I have felt the power of the Atonement of the Savior working in my life. The Atonement is not just for the sinner, it is also for the sorrowful. Because of the Atonement, and the Sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ -- we will all rise again. Death is not the end, it is just a part of the Plan of Salvation. We all must die, that is certain -- but we do not need to fear death, or the loss of those we love. This Earth life is just a very small portion of the Eternal Plan. It is very, very, important that we make the most of life, and that we enjoy the time we are granted here in this mortal sphere. It is a great blessing to be alive! 

If you have holes in your heart, allow the Atonement to fill them up, and make you whole! 

Happiness, joy, gratitude -- God wants us to have these things -- no matter the burdens of life we must bear. 

I was reading through the scriptures, and I came across a few verses that described how I now feel… 

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs." - Mosiah 24:14

"Yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." - Mosiah 24:15 

My hope is to always submit cheerfully and with patience to the will of the Lord. At the end of the day all we can really say is, "Thy will be done," and leave the rest to Him. 

As for me and my house, we will joyfully serve the Lord! 

I went out for a little photo-shoot with my mom. It was her first time with the camera, not bad! (I did the editing.) I was promised that I would feel the closest to Charles while out enjoying nature… I love to be outside. Breathe, just breathe…