Learning to Trust and Fly

I am learning how to trust my Heavenly Father. I have always relied on Him for everything in my life, but I think sometimes I insist upon knowing all things -- I like to know details -- but I am learning now to have more faith in Him, His timing, and His desire for my happiness. He wants the best for me, and if I want the best for me, I need to trust Him. I don't need to know everything about the future, because I am in His hands.

What more need I know than that?

I have been trying to decide my word for 2015. My mind settled in on the word "Emerge" for awhile. I considered it, because I thought it would be good for me to spend the year emerging from the past, breaking free, and overcoming my trials. But the more I have thought about it, the more I feel like I have already emerged. I am not hiding in a cocoon, or wallowing in grief. I have broken free. In fact, I feel I already have wings. What I need to do now is trust that I can fly.

Trust.

As in, trust God.

That is my word for 2015.

I am trying to shift my way of thinking from needing facts, details, and being all-knowing in every aspect of my life. I can't do it. I cannot predict the future. I do not know what is coming. What I can do is learn how to better listen to my Heavenly Father -- to be in tune with His voice -- and then be obedient to His will for me. His voice in my head and my voice in my head are different. I have to be really silent to hear Him, because my voice is pretty loud and overbearing, and my voice thinks it's right.

Heavenly Father has been training me to listen. Not too long after Charles died, I went out for a run. I was near home when I noticed a small snail shell on the sidewalk in front of me. I heard a quiet voice tell me to, "pick it up." I ignored the voice, and kept running. But I heard it again, "Go, pick it up." Thinking that was silly, and I was hearing things, I kept on running far past the shell. Then the voice got louder, "Go pick it up, NOW!" My feet stopped instantly, as if they were no longer in my control. I said out loud, "OK, OK, I will turn around and go get it." I reversed my course, found the shell, and picked it up. It seemed such a silly thing, and if anyone was watching my sudden stop and reverse, they probably thought I was crazy.

To this day, I do not know why I was supposed to stop and pick it up. I just know God told me to do it. (The actual shell is pictured above.) 

Perhaps I was prevented from being hit by a car, or maybe my obedience kept me from some injury, or great peril -- I don't know. I never will know. But that doesn't matter. What matters is I was being taught to listen. I am a slow learner, obviously, it took 3 times for me to take the Still Small Voice seriously, and obey. I do hope to get better at responding faster to the promptings and whisperings of the Spirit.

It is time for me to trust that Still Small Voice more, and decipher more clearly between my will, and God's will. My will is strong, and I am often resistant. I am not too keen on being told to do things I don't want to do. But God's will is strongest, and can break down my feeble attempts at resistance. What I am trying to do is knock down my thick walls of resistance -- fear and worry -- and allow God free access to my heart, so He doesn't have to work so hard to get through to me. If I can let go of fear and worry, than I can be powerful for Him.

There is nothing I want more than to help Him.

I want to be His vessel. I want to be an instrument in His hands. I was given a blessing that said I will be, "instrumental in saving the souls of many of God's children." I do not take that responsibility lightly.  In order for me to be an instrument in the Lord's hands, I need to start bending my will to His. And that is hard. It really is. Because what I want for me, and what He needs from me, may likely be very different. But His ways are better than my ways.

It is time for me to Trust Him completely, without reservation, or doubt.

I am tired of carrying around the burden of fear. It is pointless, and accomplishes nothing. Fear makes you fall, faith lets you fly.

I am finding that as I trust God more fully, I feel my burdens become even lighter. The unknown of the future is shifted from me, to Him. And He can handle it.

I have hope, I have faith.

Now all I need is trust...

And a litte pixie dust.