Finding Happiness

I wake-up in the dark. It takes every ounce of strength and courage that I have to rise in the morning and face the day. I do not wake-up feeling sunshine in my soul, I usually feel quite groggy, and every piece of me feels heavy and sluggish. I feel tired, because I am human. 

But after great prayer, and reaching towards Heaven for strength, my feet hit the floor, and I take on the day. After Charles died there was a clear line that seemed to be drawn for me. I have two choices: I can choose to wallow in grief and sadness, or I can choose hope and happiness. The power is mine, the choice is mine. 

I choose happiness. 

This does not mean I am naturally happy, without effort. It does not mean that I chose happiness once long ago, so I never have to do anything else but ride the wake of that choice. No, the pursuit of happiness takes effort every single day. I am not bouncing around feeling fabulous everyday -- I am actually sick today -- but my heart, deep down in my heart, is at peace, because I have a hope beyond my own. I can be sick, sad, hurt, grieving, etc., and still be happy at the same time. 

How? 

Because I have hope.  

That hope is in my Savior, and his ability to heal, and lift my burdens. It is not a fairytale for me, it is a reality. The Savior has taken upon him my personal sorrows. When I let him carry them, I am made light! Even when things may get heavy in my head, there is a vibrant peace in my heart that buoys me up, and keeps me going. It is real for me. 

It can be real for you! 

Each day I have choices to make. I can choose to do things that will make me feel good, or bad. I can choose to react to the events before me with peace, or anger. I am not without the ability to change my mind, or even my circumstance. I can do nothing, or I can do something. I can lay on the couch and make excuses, or I can get up and move my bootie! The more I choose the way of joy, the more light I feel in my life. The more consistent I am in making good choices, the more that light burns brighter, and brighter. Sure I falter, and make mistakes, but then I brush myself off, and keep moving forward. 

One of the things I do to feel good is I run. I love to run. It is good for my body, but so healing for my spirit. If I couldn't run, I would walk. Just being out in nature, and breathing fresh air, can change the whole chemistry in your body, and set your mind free. I love the endorphins that running provides. No matter my fitness level, it has always been a way for me to unleash the bad, and breathe in the good. If you have never tried running, you should give it a go. Treadmills are great, but I'm talking about running in nature and letting the light rejuvenate you. The first time I tried running when I was 17, I could barely go a mile. I can run more than a mile now. 

These running shoes have been my therapy. Charles got them for me just 2 days before he died. See post: HERE. I have taken them all over the place. They have taken me out the door to receive revelation, guidance, and healing. They have run in Idaho, Utah, Alaska, California, and Arizona. They have seen many, many, miles, and soaked-up loads of tears and sweat. Along with a variety of other things, they have been instrumental in my journey of healing. Oh, how I love these running shoes.

However, after so much use, they were starting to wear out, and my feet were starting to feel the effects. It was time for some new shoes. (It has been almost 10 months now.) 

So, I went on-line, and found the same shoes in the most obnoxiously bright color I could find, and placed the submit button. At first I wasn't sure about this new crazy bright color thing that has come back from the 80's, but now, I am starting to love it -- the brighter, the better! 

My new shoes make me happy just looking at them! WOW! 

I decided to take them out for their maiden voyage on Saturday. It was a grey day, but it was not too cold. I started running and it felt like I will running on marshmallows, it was such an amazing difference! I ran my normal distance (about 4-5 miles in the winter), but I just felt so good, I had to keep going. At one point I got to where I thought I might turn around, and then I saw this huge gaggle of geese fly over head. They were all honking at me, encouraging me to keep going. I kept going. I did not have water, or anything, but I felt great. It was so refreshing, and at one point I just looked up to the sky and said, "Thank you, Heavenly Father, for these new running shoes!!" 

I ended up running 8.1 miles -- which is far for me in the winter months. It felt wonderful. 

This is me after I got home from my run. I choose HAPPY! 

I also do strength-training a few times a week, at home. I do Taebo. I love kickboxing. It takes me back to my TaeKwonDo days. There are a ton of videos you can do just on the Taebo Youtube channel. It's nice because I do not love the gym. And the kids often join me, which is super fun for all of us. If all I did was run my body would not change, I have to strengthen my muscles too. The combination of both makes me feel awesome! 

I am super excited to see where these new magic shoes will take me! 

Another thing that helps me feel good is drinking tons of water. I believe in the power of water. I really do. So much of the time we are all walking around totally dehydrated, and so we eat more. Water just does beautiful things for your body. I drink about 100+ ounces a day. It is harder in the winter than the summer, but I am managing to chug it down. I am sick today, but it is still helping to clear my head. I got this awesome bottle for Christmas... Drink water, it really helps! 

The other day I was at the store passing the flower section. I thought that Charles would want me to have some flowers, because he loves me. I picked out some super bright and happy flowers, and they have brightened the darkness of January for me. I love flowers! I cannot wait for Spring! 

Of course I do the spiritual things that help me feel good: scriptures, prayer, temple, etc. But taking care of myself physically is so important to feeling that total peace and wellness. My body and spirit are so connected. I need to tend carefully to both, and so that is what I choose to do.

I am worth it.