The Day Daddy Died: A Blog Post by Sammi

My daughter, Sammi, wrote on her blog of her experience the day her dad died. I thought I would share it here. (Her blog is private.) I will share more from my perspective of telling the children in another post, but I thought hearing her words might be interesting, and uplifting… Sammi is a pretty amazing girl. I adore her. She has been an inspiration to me through all of this. I am her mother, but she is my example in so many ways. She loves her daddy so much. He was -- and still is -- her hero, truly. Sammi is Charles' little princess. He is so proud of her. 

On April 1st of 2014, I woke up and went to school as usual, I spent the day, going through the motions of a normal junior high day, enjoyed it fully, then was taken to the Harlin's home for some of the evening. It was unexpected, but I just figured that it was Henry's kidney appointment taking longer than expected. 

Tyson came and picked us up to take us home. We didn't talk that much and it almost felt like something was wrong. We walked up to the door and mom answered. She wasn't as peppy as she normally was. At that point, I was wondering if everything was alright with Henry. Were they operating on him? 

Mom had us all gather to the couch and for a few seconds there was utter silence. I saw dad's coat and tie sitting on the chair. Was he home? Was he just taking an afternoon nap? He hadn't been feeling very good lately and I figured that he was taking a break from work for a short period of time. 

Then mom said that she had gone to the hospital with dad. She said that he was having a terrible time breathing and she had watched him take his final breaths until he joined his Father and Brother in Heaven. My dad, Charles Paul van Ormer, grand father, worker, faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, friend, and greatest superhero to roam the earth, passed away. He was just gone. 

Daniel and William broke out into tears. Asking, is this an April Fool's day joke and will we need a new dad. They buried themselves in our mother's arms and kept crying uncontrollably. 

But I didn't cry. Not a tear was streaming down my face. It wasn't real. Surely not. It couldn't be. The man who I had spent most of my twelve years of living with, who would hug me and cuddle me, encourage, and support, the one person who I thought would live to a ripe old age had disappeared from my life just like that. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bear to think of it. Out loud I asked, "How am I not crying?"

Then I saw grandma and grandpa coming up to our house, coming to our door in a quick run. Then it was real. I was pushed out of my daze. Then I felt a gentle creek of tears begin to flow. 

The rest of the night was spent piecing things together. I kept myself busy by sweeping, cleaning out-of-place objects, making practical jokes to try and make everyone laugh, and writing in my journal. Mom said that we wouldn't be going to school the next day. 

There I paused. "No", I said, " I'm going to school tomorrow." My mom looked at me. She kept saying that my mind would change and that I shouldn't think about that. But in my mind, I was already rethinking many things. Dad would not want anyone to be sad or just stop living their life to the fullest potential just because of a physical absence. I was going to go to school tomorrow. As a family, we read our scriptures, said our prayers and then went to bed. 

I slept fine, woke at the break of dawn, got ready for school and waited for grandpa to take me. I did it. My grandpa dropped me off and then went into the main office to tell them the news. He also told them that seeing the counselor was the last thing I wanted to do. 

During my school day, I saw people from my ward who had heard of the news, teachers looked at me with different than usual looks. I received hugs and watched as tears streamed down my close friends faces. Amazingly enough, I did not cry. I was surrounded by people who cared. I saw my best friend Hanna run down the hallway and she came and hugged me with all of her might. I love Hanna. She is the sister I have always wanted. Seeing some tears coming from her soft brown eyes really pulled on my emotional chord. All day, I talked about it with people, received hugs, smiled, and did school work, meaning I gave presentations, worked on study guides, passed out folders, wrote poems, and many other assorted school tasks. 

Even though he isn't here physically, his spirit is still with all of us and he still shares his love with everyone he passes. I love my dad and I love everyone. I am so thankful to be here and to have been able to share my experiences. 

-Sammi 

P.S. I love the precious picture of Sammi and her Dad, taken by Rachelle Harlin. Also, that picture was taken when Charles first started having trouble with his breathing, from the clotting in his lungs (which we were unaware was clotting at the time). The picture was taken in the Fall. Charles did not want to have pictures taken that day, because he did not feel well. I am so glad he was a good sport and came along with us anyway. The pictures of our family that we got that day are priceless to me now!