The Love of my Life

I did not know it was the last time I would say, "I love you." He was being rolled out the front door of our home, and into the ambulance. My life, and his death, were flashing before my eyes. That would be the last time I saw him, before he lost consciousness. I said the words, "I love you," but he did not hear them in the panic. He was already gone. He was gone out the door, and gone on his heart-stopping journey home to Jesus. 

I have spent the last few days going through old emails, and messages that we sent back and forth to each other. Most of the messages were business related, normal life stuff, but so often even the business was ended with love. He said, "I love you," often in written word. He showed me daily how much he truly cherished me, and adored me. I am so grateful for that. 

Charles and I had a special kind of love. It was deep, and magical. There was a powerful force that drove us together, and kept us connected. From the moment we first touched, it was like electricity. On one of our first dates he simply wanted to touch my hair, and it sent shivers down my spine. 

We were just meant to be together. All the pieces of my soul and body knew it. 

Charles was perfect for me. He was what I wanted, and what I needed. I loved his charism, his wit, and charm. He had this energy about him, and this ability to light up a room with his presence. I miss the way he would strut with confidence, it was so stinking adorable. I miss feeling the muscles on his arms, it was so comforting to hold onto him, and feel his strength. I miss his beautiful brown squinty eyes. I miss his dark skin, and hair. I miss the texture of his face. I miss his smile, and his mischievous ways. I love that he was rowdy, and righteous. He knew how to have fun, and be happy. I miss hearing him sing in the shower. I miss his perfect hands... oh how I love his hands. Shall I go on...? You get the idea. I love this man. I miss his physical presence in my life. I will miss him until I die. 

He is a beautiful, phenomenal, man. Wow, I love him. 

I have been thinking about him a lot lately. I have felt his love for me in a powerful way. I just wish I could hug him, and hold him, and kiss him. 

He was too young to die. 

It is a good thing there is forever. 

I will need forever to make up for these lost days. 

There are 15 years between the 2 pictures.