Watching Him Suffer Long Before Dying
Warning: This is not a particularly happy post. But I felt prompted to share it, for some reason. If it can save one life, then it is worth it!
Charles died unexpectedly, but not without warning. He had been in pain for a long time before April 1st, 2014. He recorded a lot of his pain and discomfort throughout his journals. I will not be sharing that here, but I would like to share my perspective of what I saw, in case it might help someone else identify the warning signs of a Pulmonary Embolism. It could happen to anyone. Charles was young, and healthy.
Charles and I donated blood back in September 2013. It was a satisfying experience being able to donate and potentially help save lives. We both felt a little queazy afterwards, but it was worth it. The Red Cross tests your blood, and asks a million personal questions before you can donate. After some evaluation, Charles was told that he had high iron in his blood. As they were pumping his blood from his veins they also noted that he had extremely thick blood. It made him a little concerned when we came home, and we spoke about it for awhile.
Around this same time, Charles began to have a hard time breathing, especially at night when he would try and sleep. Sometimes he would lay in bed, and I would watch him as his chest would rise and fall, as he tried to catch his breath. I thought he was exaggerating the motion, because he didn't seem outwardly sick. It started becoming more and more consistent. He even woke-up one night in 2013 and thought he was having a heart attack. Looking back now, he was probably close to one.
He went to the doctor, had some X-Rays, and was told he had Pleuritis, or inflammation in his lungs. He was given some medicine, and was sent on his way.
But the painful breathing continued. He carried on with all of his normal duties as an attorney, but his zest for life began to fail. He felt like his life was being sucked from him, and it was. It is hard to have a bright hope for the future when you cannot breathe in the present. He would wake-up every morning and wonder how he was going to make it one more day -- he was in so much physical pain, constantly.
But he, "Soldiered on," as he wrote in his journal. He never missed a day of work, church, or activities. He went through all the motions while having stabbing pains in his lungs, and very little energy. I don't know how he did it. He is Superman.
Time marched on, and it got worse. He would try and exercise but he would be out of breath before he even did anything. He could normally drop and do at least 50 perfect pushups anytime of day, but he was left panting before even getting on the treadmill. I remember one time I went running with him and I was going way faster then he was, he had to stop and walk and breathe. I knew something was wrong then -- I am never faster than him, ever.
He would normally wake-up in the morning and sing in the shower, and whistle while he worked. He loved life, and had an incredible ability to work hard and accomplish anything he put his mind to. He was a vibrant energetic man. But his feelings of worry and concern for his health started to take their toll, and he struggled to stay his once jolly self. He was always tired and weary. He knew something was really wrong, but he did not know what. He even went to a second doctor for his breathing, but was told to just continue the medication for his inflamed lungs.
And then in March 2014, a clot formed in his upper thigh. He described it as a burning pain. He would sweat profusely just walking to and from the courthouse. He was struggling just to take a healthy breath. The clot was blue and hard, and clearly a clot. He went to an Urgent Care, and he was told it was nothing to be concerned about, he was sent home, and given the OK to travel to Utah.
At this point Charles had blood clotting in his lungs, and a large clot in his thigh. He was in serious pain, and did try to get help, and relief. But it was not Pleuritis, as he was told. It was so much more serious than that.
We went to Utah to visit family, and he was weary for most of the trip. He wanted to jump on the trampoline with the kids, he got on for 1 minute and could hardly breathe. I can still see him panting in my brother's kitchen, he was white and worried, and frustrated that he was in such a bad way.
He thought he was just horribly out of shape, or just sick, but he wasn't. There was something wrong. Something very, very, wrong. But even when something is wrong, and you feel awful, you do not imagine death is going to come knock on your door. You think you have time to figure it out.
About a week after the clot appeared in his thigh, his eyes started twitching, he fell to the floor, and he died from a Pulmonary Embolism. For the full story click: HERE. The clot in his leg had traveled to his lungs, and made his heart stop beating. It happened suddenly, but not without warning. There had been months, and months, of warning. The clot in the leg was the final warning, before the end.
One of the saddest things for me is that it might have been prevented. He could have been treated properly, and he might have continued on to live a long and happy life with our family. Someone shared a story with me of a man who was saved from a Pulmonary Embolism the very next night, because it had been identified, and treated properly.
That part is hard. We did not know he was slowly dying a painful death that would take him far too young. I do believe he could have been saved with the proper help. I do not have any ill feeling towards anyone for missing the warning signs, but it does make my heart hurt that he possibly did not have to die.
But I cannot change that now. I am well aware of that reality.
However, I can share his story. I want to share his story so that maybe, just maybe, someone else might be preserved another day to live with their loved ones.
With that said, I know God has a plan for me. He is aware of my life, and He knows all things. I am in His hands.
I cannot change the past, but I can make the past count, so Charles' suffering was not in vain.
And that is what I plan to do.
Please feel free to share this post, if you feel inclined to do so. Thanks!
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| Charles donating blood |
Charles and I donated blood back in September 2013. It was a satisfying experience being able to donate and potentially help save lives. We both felt a little queazy afterwards, but it was worth it. The Red Cross tests your blood, and asks a million personal questions before you can donate. After some evaluation, Charles was told that he had high iron in his blood. As they were pumping his blood from his veins they also noted that he had extremely thick blood. It made him a little concerned when we came home, and we spoke about it for awhile.
Around this same time, Charles began to have a hard time breathing, especially at night when he would try and sleep. Sometimes he would lay in bed, and I would watch him as his chest would rise and fall, as he tried to catch his breath. I thought he was exaggerating the motion, because he didn't seem outwardly sick. It started becoming more and more consistent. He even woke-up one night in 2013 and thought he was having a heart attack. Looking back now, he was probably close to one.
He went to the doctor, had some X-Rays, and was told he had Pleuritis, or inflammation in his lungs. He was given some medicine, and was sent on his way.
But the painful breathing continued. He carried on with all of his normal duties as an attorney, but his zest for life began to fail. He felt like his life was being sucked from him, and it was. It is hard to have a bright hope for the future when you cannot breathe in the present. He would wake-up every morning and wonder how he was going to make it one more day -- he was in so much physical pain, constantly.
 |
| Resting with Baby Henry |
But he, "Soldiered on," as he wrote in his journal. He never missed a day of work, church, or activities. He went through all the motions while having stabbing pains in his lungs, and very little energy. I don't know how he did it. He is Superman.
 |
| Taking a break from work to play with the family |
Time marched on, and it got worse. He would try and exercise but he would be out of breath before he even did anything. He could normally drop and do at least 50 perfect pushups anytime of day, but he was left panting before even getting on the treadmill. I remember one time I went running with him and I was going way faster then he was, he had to stop and walk and breathe. I knew something was wrong then -- I am never faster than him, ever.
 |
| Charles trying to feel better |
He would normally wake-up in the morning and sing in the shower, and whistle while he worked. He loved life, and had an incredible ability to work hard and accomplish anything he put his mind to. He was a vibrant energetic man. But his feelings of worry and concern for his health started to take their toll, and he struggled to stay his once jolly self. He was always tired and weary. He knew something was really wrong, but he did not know what. He even went to a second doctor for his breathing, but was told to just continue the medication for his inflamed lungs.
 |
| Relaxing while making hats for the Women and Children's shelter |
And then in March 2014, a clot formed in his upper thigh. He described it as a burning pain. He would sweat profusely just walking to and from the courthouse. He was struggling just to take a healthy breath. The clot was blue and hard, and clearly a clot. He went to an Urgent Care, and he was told it was nothing to be concerned about, he was sent home, and given the OK to travel to Utah.
At this point Charles had blood clotting in his lungs, and a large clot in his thigh. He was in serious pain, and did try to get help, and relief. But it was not Pleuritis, as he was told. It was so much more serious than that.
We went to Utah to visit family, and he was weary for most of the trip. He wanted to jump on the trampoline with the kids, he got on for 1 minute and could hardly breathe. I can still see him panting in my brother's kitchen, he was white and worried, and frustrated that he was in such a bad way.
 |
| This is possibly the last picture taken of him. It was in Utah, at Thanksgiving Point, just about a week before he died. You can see how sick and weak he looks -- the sparkle is gone from his eyes. |
He thought he was just horribly out of shape, or just sick, but he wasn't. There was something wrong. Something very, very, wrong. But even when something is wrong, and you feel awful, you do not imagine death is going to come knock on your door. You think you have time to figure it out.
About a week after the clot appeared in his thigh, his eyes started twitching, he fell to the floor, and he died from a Pulmonary Embolism. For the full story click: HERE. The clot in his leg had traveled to his lungs, and made his heart stop beating. It happened suddenly, but not without warning. There had been months, and months, of warning. The clot in the leg was the final warning, before the end.
 |
| Charles' mortal body being laid to rest in Idaho City |
That part is hard. We did not know he was slowly dying a painful death that would take him far too young. I do believe he could have been saved with the proper help. I do not have any ill feeling towards anyone for missing the warning signs, but it does make my heart hurt that he possibly did not have to die.
 |
| He was in great pain when this picture was taken... but he managed to smile anyway. |
But I cannot change that now. I am well aware of that reality.
However, I can share his story. I want to share his story so that maybe, just maybe, someone else might be preserved another day to live with their loved ones.
With that said, I know God has a plan for me. He is aware of my life, and He knows all things. I am in His hands.
I cannot change the past, but I can make the past count, so Charles' suffering was not in vain.
And that is what I plan to do.
Please feel free to share this post, if you feel inclined to do so. Thanks!
I hope this reaches people everywhere so that Charles' story doesn't have to be someone else's story too. He was taken far to young for sure. :(
ReplyDeleteWe really miss Charles! Last night I had a dream that someone I thought was Charles was walking across the street from our house. Tyson ran over to him excitedly and then we realized it wasn't him. It made me sad. I hope this post helps someone who might be suffering from the same thing recognize the signs and get the help they need.
ReplyDeleteMy dad had a pulmonary embolism as well. I watched him gasping for air as he took naps. He was told he has factor five the blood disorder. They put him on cumidin and told him his kids have a 50/50 chance of having it as well. I was tested positive and told to take baby aspirin and pay really close attention to blood clots. You might already know the connection between factor five and blood clots but I thought it might be helpful for your kids. My heart goes out to you and your family. You are a strength to everyone who comes in contact with you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this Mari. It's very brave and selfless of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that it wasn't properly diagnosed and that he had to suffer so long.
ReplyDeleteI feel very fortunate to have survived mine.
My father also likely died from an embolism a few months before I had mine. He had had knee surgery 6 days prior.
I would add an additional caution...if you have to have leg surgery, get a filter! Clots are SO common following leg surgery. A little preventative measure involving a filter might be the difference between life and death.
As far as can be determined I do not have any hereditary clotting issues, no Factor V, etc. but I think it's also worth doing some testing about that.