6 Months In The Spirit World

Charles has been living in the Spirit World for 6 months. Time and flesh keep us apart for now, but it also brings us closer together. I do not think I have ever loved Charles more than in the last 6 months, without him visibly by my side. My heart seems to have grown in capacity to love with this physical separation. I always intensely loved him, now I extremely long for him. I simply cannot wait to see him again, and give him a great big hug, and look into his beautiful brown eyes, and hear his contagious laugh. Oh, how I will savor that moment. 

I was recently asked what it is like being physically separated from Charles. I will tell you...

It feels like I am going crazy, and it also feels totally normal.

Life can seem so routine. Moments are just like they always were before. We are happy, the kids are thriving, and all is generally well and good. We keep busy, we run, we do homework, we eat, we watch movies, go to Church, etc., etc. And then, in a flash of remembrance, the thought will come to my mind, "But he is gone, he is dead." And I wonder how in the world I am allowed to feel joy and "normal" when my whole world has been turned upside-down, and the body of the man I love is sleeping in a grave in Idaho City.

But just as I think he is gone, and I wonder how I can possibly carry on without him -- I feel him near me, and I know he is not really gone -- I just cannot see him right now. I absolutely, 100%, know that he still lives. And I know that I will see him again. I just have to be patient, and it will be worth it. That is where living life one day at a time becomes so important. I can be happy, one day at a time.

I find the hardest thing for me is not knowing where he is at all times. I mean, I know where he is -- in a state of happiness in the spirit world -- but I am naturally curious where he is hanging out at any given moment. Is he in Idaho? In Hawaii? In Australia? He always talked about moving to Australia....

As I ponder these questions, and others, I find that there is some doctrine written on the subject of the spirit world, and how it works, but much is not. And that is where faith is required. And I have found a new reason to exercise my faith. Some things I just will not know (or see) in this lifetime. (I like to seek out and find answers -- that is just who I am.) But I take great comfort that all will be revealed, and I believe we will all stand amazed at how beautifully wonderful the Plan of Salvation really is. And how glorious life will be after we die. From what I have read, and studied, it is a place of beauty and glory beyond compare. If my dreams are any indication, then there is so much to look forward to!

It is a bit strange living in the physical world, while having part of my heart in the spirit world. Like I said, sometimes I can feel a little crazy. I don't know any other way to describe it. We mortals go around thinking we are going to live in this state of mortality forever, and then someone dies, and reminds us that we are only temporary visitors here. We are fragile and frail physical beings right now, we are always defying death each day we carry on living. But there is so much more to life and eternity than we consider on a daily basis. There is a Plan so much bigger than we can possibly comprehend. It is God's plan. It is properly named: The Plan of Happiness.

Can you feel that immortal being within you? Well, can you? Can you feel the reality that your life will continue on, even after you die? There is no way that Charles is only a decaying body in the dirt. No! He lives! Because of Jesus, and the plan of our Heavenly Father -- he lives!

I know it's true!

We are here to be tested to see if we will be faithful and true to the God who gave us life. Charles' mortal testing time was finished, and he has moved on to the next phase of life. Even though he was too young in worldly standards to die -- he was ready to meet his Maker. He has a special love for Heavenly Father and Jesus. His relationship with Them fills the pages of his journals.

He is now surrounded by his ancestors, and others who have the pleasure to dwell in his pleasant company. In my mind's eye I can see him surrounded by his family of valiant American soldiers, and hard-working farmers. I imagine them comfortably gathering around him, and loving him, since they have been watching him for a long time now. And I can see my Mormon Pioneer ancestors reaching out to him in love and fellowship, as Charles was a convert, and a Mormon Pioneer in his family. I can also see him with my Grandma Lindquist, smiling and joking together, and running freely through Heavenly waters. (Charles once pushed her in a wheelchair through the sprinklers at a park, and she loved him for that, and other reasons.)  They are special friends...

Of course my knowledge of the gospel plan takes some of the sting of death away, but for some reason, the physical separation is still very painful -- it is meant to be so. It is part of life and love. Perhaps one of the most challenging trials of life and love is being separated by death. Especially death of spouse, because, at least for me, Charles was/is my everything. And let me tell you, that physical separation is hard, and a heavy burden to bear.

I miss Charles desperately, everyday. But I also know that I will see him again someday -- who knows when? Right now, because I feel happy, that time does not seem so far away. Somedays it hurts more than others. But in this moment, while thinking about seeing him again -- I feel joy in my heart. As I write, my mind is swirling with images and hope for the eternal future with Charles. They are images so beautiful, I dare not write them. My pathetic words will never do.

In the last 6 months, my faith has been taken to an entirely different level. I never have, and never will doubt the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is truth, and I love and seek after truth. Denying the gospel would be denying my entire reason for existence. My life would be meaningless and void without it. All the happiness that exists in my life is because of the gospel found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

It is because of the gospel that I will see my Charles, my great love, again. And we will be together forever. I have always known the gospel is true, but now I have a greater appreciation for my Savior and His Ultimate sacrifice. I have grown much closer to Him through this time of sorrow and pain. He has made me whole, even as I face the physical world without a companion. And that is a miracle!

I have made it 6 months with Charles living in another sphere, which I cannot now see.

I'll just keep taking the future as it comes, one day at a time.

And then, on one of those future days -- I will see him again!

Hooray!

I love you Charles!

Tomorrow is another day closer to being with you again.